Odd social area. How to make friends please help.

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zeldapsychology
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Location: Florida

03 Aug 2016, 9:47 pm

Last Sept. (2015) I went on a cruise ship with my family. the 14 and 15 year old were in kid clubs and made quick friends on a 3 day cruise 15 year old even had a new Boyfriend WOW! I don't hang out in bars/drink/clubs/dancing/casinos etc. I also thought the music was loud. (Those are all things on a cruise ship).

I tried a social conversation of "Why do you have your college textbook" to the guy next to me (in the lounge area) and He said something like had to study and (so long ago I forgot his field). Conversation over nothing beyond that sadly. :-(

Felt AWKWARD!

Most places are really busy laying on deck by the pool is chaotic.

Not seeing many social opportunities for an Aspie. We are going on another cruise this December. Food is good and I'm planning to stay up for midnight snacks and the funny late night comedy club (that's with family) otherwise I don't see myself walking away with a Boyfriend or friends at all.

Just hang around my family???

How do I get out?

Get out of my comfort zone???

Alone walk around the ship but that doesn't "meet people"

Most cruises = couples anyways. :-(



leomarie
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04 Aug 2016, 12:07 pm

I have to admit that I'm also pretty bad at making friends on vacation (or practically anywhere) since conversations hardly ever go beyond small talk, so most of the times I'd rather not connect with people at all, and stick to my boyfriend or family.

But this is what I read in a book about small talk: If you have problems joining a group of strangers, you should watch out for someone who's not engaged in a conversation, or any kind of activity. Wait until he or she accidentally looks in your direction, then smile, make eye contact, or something. If they don't react, their loss. But usually (says the book) those kind of people will come over, happy to be able to talk to someone, since they don't want to be alone in a social situation. If you get to that point, try to relate to the cruise (like: Do you like the food here? Do you get sea sick? Do you think we will see dolphins/...?). Hopefully that will lead to a more meaningful conversation at some point.

To be fair, I never tried this out because I'm too lazy, shy or nervous, but I did watch people in social gatherings and it's true, there's always someone just "wandering around", trying to make eye contact and connect :D



John 35 Alabama
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04 Aug 2016, 4:39 pm

I'm was the guy who studies at parties. Had his textbook, and multiple people asked him why. It's because knowledge is my comfort zone. Or, was... Now, I'm usually the one with a drink in his hand trying to join conversations. Sometimes I get weird looks, and the group walks away disgusted. Other times, I make friends. It really doesn't matter. My suggestion:

Go to a bar during daytime happy hour. Start by making small talk with the bartender. He/she is relying upon tips, meaning they are essentially paid to socialize. If you run into an awkward moment, take out your cell phone and say "excuse me," and start doing some random thing. It doesn't matter what. Google the weather. Then, wait until the bartender is comfortable again, and ask a random question, like: "Are you from around here?" (Obviously not a good question if you're on a cruise ship in the middle of the sea. No, they are not from around here.) But, as I said, a normal city bar during happy hour. Yes, the bartender is probably from around here. Ask about the thing you found on your Google search. "Is the weather usually like this?" or, "Do you know much about the schools around here?" Or, "What can you tell me about the nearby river? Why is it called such-and-such?" Things like that. Hopefully, someone is sitting near you.

If a person is sitting near you, you can ask that person some of the same questions. I know it feels awkward, intrusive, and even rude - but it's not. Just watch. Keep practicing this, and trust me.

And tip the bartender twenty percent or more! Trust me - you're going to need this person again! See it as a down-payment for social training, but NEVER say that! Worse case scenario, the person next to you will get upset when you talk to him or her, but these are such rare cases. If, in the worst case scenario, the person sitting near you starts a fight, just call the police. It can't hurt. It certainly can't hurt as much as talking to a stranger sitting near you! (Haha.)