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Jamesy
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23 Jul 2016, 11:43 am

10 years ago when I was 16 just before I left school to move onto college me and an old friend who I knew since I was 5 put our differences aside and became on good terms (he was the one who approached me wanting to make up). When we were kids in school we had a massive falling out and hated each other. The last time we were on good terms was in college back in 2008 but he moved out of town to University.

Fast forward to 2014 I saw him outside the bar with a group of friends for the first time in 6 years and I called him out to say "hi". He turned around to look at me and he looked annoyed at didn't give much of a response and since then whenever I see him at the bar he blanks me out and ignores me. Saw him today actually near town and again he pretended like I didn't exist.

I talked to one of my associates (who knows him) and asked why he doesn't like me and he said "he's very focused on his work"

Can you give me your views on why he does not like me anymore? :?



Fnord
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24 Jul 2016, 10:52 am

Jamesy wrote:
... Can you give me your views on why he does not like me anymore?
Can you explain why you have not discussed this with him?

People are not obligated to like you, or to even acknowledge you as a person. There could be any number of reasons - he's a jerk, you don't fit the parameters of his social ideals, your appearance or behavior puts him off (or creeps him out), or you simply have nothing in common. It could be anything, really.

Maybe you could ask all of your friends who know you personally to find out for you.

Or maybe you could just drop it and stop trying to make friends in bars.



Summer_Twilight
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24 Jul 2016, 1:50 pm

Does he have a number that you could reach him at? Maybe you did something that he didn't like or that's unforgivable in his eyes. Either way I would try to get ahold of his contact information and ask him

"Are you mad at me for any reason? If so what did I do wrong? I feel that the last few years you have ignored me and I would like to know why?"

Either way his response to you isn't right and you have a right to call him out about it.

"I think I said hi."



Jamesy
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24 Jul 2016, 6:37 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Does he have a number that you could reach him at? Maybe you did something that he didn't like or that's unforgivable in his eyes. Either way I would try to get ahold of his contact information and ask him

"Are you mad at me for any reason? If so what did I do wrong? I feel that the last few years you have ignored me and I would like to know why?"

Either way his response to you isn't right and you have a right to call him out about it.

"I think I said hi."




Why wasn't his response to me right?



the_phoenix
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24 Jul 2016, 8:09 pm

Be careful about calling your friend out about his ignoring you.
That could lead to a huge fight, or some other unpleasantness.

Certainly his treatment of you isn't the most courteous in the world,
it would be nice if he could just smile, make brief eye contact, and say a polite "hello"
to acknowledge your presence .....

Sometimes you need to be the bigger person and let it go ...
not because he deserves it,
but because you deserve to allow yourself to move on
and find more caring people.



Jamesy
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24 Jul 2016, 8:49 pm

the_phoenix wrote:
Be careful about calling your friend out about his ignoring you.
That could lead to a huge fight, or some other unpleasantness.

Certainly his treatment of you isn't the most courteous in the world,
it would be nice if he could just smile, make brief eye contact, and say a polite "hello"
to acknowledge your presence .....

Sometimes you need to be the bigger person and let it go ...
not because he deserves it,
but because you deserve to allow yourself to move on
and find more caring people.





Strange back in 2006 he went out of his way to make amends with me and now he has reached a whole new level of dislike towards me.



Summer_Twilight
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24 Jul 2016, 9:13 pm

His actions were not right because shot you down by ignoring an old friend who was kind enough to reach out.



slw1990
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24 Jul 2016, 9:18 pm

How long were you friends with him? Is it possible that he didn't recognize you?



Jamesy
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24 Jul 2016, 9:21 pm

slw1990 wrote:
How long were you friends with him? Is it possible that he didn't recognize you?



I was friends with him from 1994-2002 then we sought of became friends again from 2006-2008. In 2008 he moved away to University.



alpacka
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25 Jul 2016, 4:12 am

I have read somewhere that this can happend when the person associates you with that time in he´s life and that time wasnt that good.
He avoids you maybe because its personal but also maybe because you remind him of that time.

I have a similar situation but reversed. A friend of mine from before is sometimes making contact but she reminds me too much of that
time when I was sort of lost, so I dont feel like meeting her. It could be something like that?

My advice to you, forget about this person, you can never force anyone to like you.


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Summer_Twilight
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25 Jul 2016, 6:20 am

I had a similar situation with someone who I met at an Autism Center through the adult programs. We were good friends for a good year before moving to a vocational school for 9 months. When she moved home she had an attitude that because she has been re diagnosed with something other than Asperger's that she was too good for me. Though she always talked about getting together she claimed to always be busy. Not long after she got into the military and even when she was leaving she was too busy working with a personal trainer.It drove me nuts because I felt like she was leading me around and disrespecting our friendship and me as a person.



Aspertastic424
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25 Jul 2016, 11:16 am

Maybe no reason. Some people just "move on".

He likely has not seen you for a long time and sadly, doesn't want to start up a friendship again. I know it is hard, but that kind of thing happens now and again.



Summer_Twilight
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25 Jul 2016, 11:59 am

Like my situation, you reached out and that's fine. If you see him just ignore him and go meet some other people. Let him come to you



KevinLA
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05 Aug 2016, 12:33 am

Aspertastic424 wrote:
Maybe no reason. Some people just "move on".

He likely has not seen you for a long time and sadly, doesn't want to start up a friendship again. I know it is hard, but that kind of thing happens now and again.


This is a concept that a lot of people don't grasp , (even neurotypicals) and I don't understand why. It seems simple to me.



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05 Aug 2016, 1:00 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
"Are you mad at me for any reason? If so what did I do wrong? I feel that the last few years you have ignored me and I would like to know why?"

a friend of mine once did that. i hadn't heard from him in two years or so, but as far as i was concerned nothing was wrong. he thought i was mad at him. i had no idea, and no idea why he would even think i was mad at him. he emailed me, and his message sounded more or less like that. it felt like a demand, and to me it was like "where did that come from?". i didn't like it. that was a sign that he would keep misinterpreting my behavior and probably blaming me for it. so i never talked to him to again

that being said, i wouldn't ignore him face-to-face. i just don't want trouble, that's all. but if trouble is right in front of me already, i'll smile and say hi. and then vanish...

if you see someone and they see you and you acknowledge their presence and they don't acknowledge yours, it's because they don't want anything to do with you. why they don't want anything to do with you is another matter. it's rude, but i don't think it's necessarily "wrong". it would probably only be worse for both if he would pretend instead. either way, the outcome of any direct contact initiated by you will probably not be friendly, and will certainly not be friendly if there's any hint from you that he owes you an explanation


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05 Aug 2016, 6:44 am

One person rightly mentioned u remind them of a bad time period
I keep away from people of my past. They tease since i was weird, eccentric and more crazy


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