When AS-friends suddenly don't respond

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I got to know a few people over the internet who has Aspergers. (Not on this website). We sent a couple messages to each other and now they both stopped answering. This is a behavior I usually don't do, I prefer an answer when we have a mutual online conversation. It's been months now and it made it me kind of sad because I really liked them and felt there was a connection from the start. I know they may simply want alone-time, I just think not writing back for such a long time is bad manners. (They are active on their profile).

Does anyone know why they might be doing that?

I can't speak for them. Sometimes I do need alone time. I try to make that clear to my closest friends and they know me well enough to understand. I think if I just simply stopped talking to someone for a long time, it would mean I want to not continue the friendship. You might try asking to see if something is wrong.

It is possible they may have forgotten your correspondence. More likely, I think, is that they may be feeling overwhelmed - and you could occupy that grey, nebulous zone between "acquaintance" and "friend". In other words, important enough to keep in contact on good days, but not intimate enough to be worth the effort when (or if) they are struggling to stay afloat. Personally, I sometimes neglect to maintain communication - even noncommittal, digital communication - with acquaintances during periods of stress, simply because attempting to make a connection takes too much out of me.

JakJak has the right idea. What have they been posting on social media? Is it anything that could be construed as a personal crisis? Give them a light prod, see if there's anything dark in the waters.

Same here. It's going to be a month and a half now that I haven't heard from my Aspie friend. I know he has college and is working, but it only takes a couple minutes to send a text or email. I've now stopped sending anything because I figure why put forth any effort when I prob won't hear anything back? It gets pretty old just talking to myself.

I thought about asking them but I was unsure if it was acceptable, they could see me as needy and I don't know how to ask. It doesn't look like they're going through a crisis, at least not one of them, I think I'm just not on their priority list as someone wrote above here, they have a looot of acquaintances it seems. The other one may be simply be very unsocial. Too bad either way. Thanks 4 the responses

This is one of the distinct disadvantages of having Aspies for friends. But also, it's a disadvantage of using the Internet (or any social media) to communicate.

I'd move on, if I were you. They have signaled their lack of interest. If you did anything "wrong" it was probably that you didn't offer whatever it was they were looking for that day.

I like the responses so far, but I also hope this additional bit will help:

Much to my horror, a person I knew on a social network had been blocked by my account without my knowledge. System quirk, I guess. As a result I wasn't receiving any of her communications. I was unaware of this for an unknown amount of time, because I don't know when the blocking began. I'm worried she may have gotten a notice about it, or just realized she was never hearing from me, and been offended. I sent a message to her when I discovered the problem, but I've heard nothing back. My account may somehow have been blocked for her, as well, for all I know. Time has since gone by, and now her account seems to have been closed, but I think she was still active for some time. I don't know what's going on, and, as far as I can tell, I'm in her gray area, as she is also in mine. She's a neat person, whom I care about, but I feel I must leave things as they are for now, until another opportunity to check into things arises. At that time, I'll proceed with care and a casual approach, to try not to make her feel pressured in any way, but to convey my interest in how she's doing.

This may or may not be what's happened in your situation. Just putting it out there, in case it is. Good luck...

I don't respond often because of executive functioning issues. I get so absorbed in one or a few things for days and/or can only engage in so much switching per day. When I have several emails to respond to that day, it takes me a while to get into the mental state of responding to one email. Then I need to switch my mental frame to another one. It's exhausting. I personally prefer scheduled social times when I focus on only one person or group of people and the conversation is continuous. When an email comes in the midst of everything else but disjoint with everything else that is happening in my life, I just often can't engage with it.

Yeah.......that's people for you!

Just keep plugging away--and, soon enough, you'll find somebody who responds to you.

I think a light message, asking if things are okay, or if you did something wrong, wouldn't come off as too needy. They might even appreciate your concern, and gain the understanding that you care and this is bothering you. I don't always realize someone cares or has a problem, unless they tell me.

Sometimes I'm ready for it, sometimes not.

I can sometimes read and answer stuff in a half-assed fashion when I don't want to read/reply... I just feel like tearing off my own skin from it because it's so menatally draining, and I can't keep it up forever.

I think there are multiple aspects to it that can be painful.

One is that reading (and writing replies to) a text is exhausting due to ADD symptoms, I think that should be pretty clear. It also takes up a lot of time because I didn't choose to read that text and put all my focus in it. Even if it's interesting, I'll probably get overwhelmed by it or distracted at some point. So I have to fake dedication to myself (uses up resources, I still consciously know I'd much rather space out, no offense to the sender) just to read it.

Another aspect is that writing a reply other than something like "ok" or "cool" uses up quite a quit of my mental resources (not just because I'm bad at writing letters and "social"). It's far from easy to come up with something of substance, I'd much rather just write "ok" or "cool" if there's nothing I want to say (and I very often don't want to say anything in response), but that's generally regarded as disrespectful.
I also have to watch what I write so I don't miss hidden meanings or ruin a friendship on accident. It's not entirely intuitive, but it's very demanding. And it's one thing to just read a text, but a whole other thing having to read a text and then being prompted to create output as a response.

Yet another aspect is that it's always unpredictable when I'll get a new message (that can very well be the too-long kind), and when I do get it, I'm somewhat forced (sender's expectations) to read and reply it in a limited time frame out of nowhere.
So depending on the kind of message I receive I can be faced with a highly demanding, daunting task that I "have to" deal with soon. And a reply sent can end up as a new message being received, that I have to read and reply to again... ugh.

That alone creates unpleasant anxiety that causes me to dread checking for new messages. Or causes to me get overwhelmed with/burnt out from it. Either one leads to not replying and I can get locked in that state and just never want to reply again, no matter who the person is.

There probably are some more reasons why I don't reply, but these are the most common ones for me.

(But pls, don't be discouraged from sending me private messages if you want to )

I am an aspie with an aspie friend that I went to college with. He moved away but we still talk on FB/text. There are periods of time that are months long where we don't talk. We both see it as being pretty normal.

We don't know what is going on in people's lives. It may be that while they were in contact with you, their lives were not very stressful, however, maybe their lives became hectic and therefore they need some time to be alone.

I remember when answering machines first came out. I purchased one immediately. I had a few friends at the time whom I adored, in fact, they are still my best friends today, however, every once in a while, I would not answer my phone. On those days where I just had too much stress from work or my family, I simply didn't answer my phone even while there, even if it was one of my closest friends. Sometimes they would leave messages such as "I know you are there, call me when you can, I know you are there, but I understand you need your alone time right now". Usually it would only take me a couple of days to call them back, but sometimes it was more. I am forever grateful that they understood my need to be alone.

Would someone please tell me what I should do?

I texted my Aspie friend yesterday and today and wished him a happy turkey day and got no response for both days. In February it will be two years that we have known each other. December 3rd it will have been two months since I heard from him. Is he doing like NT people do and just not responding and waiting for me to go away? My other Aspie friend did that and I missed him too, but we only talked for two months. Would my Aspie friend really give up a friendship of almost two years? Does he not even miss me? I just want to cry.

And if this does happen - that he is able to just let our friendship go without another thought, then I'm never going to make friends with another Aspie. I've been hurt too many times. My other Aspie friend that just stopped talking to me said that he knew me more than anyone else in his whole life and we talked for hours every day, but he said he had no feelings for people and forgot them as soon as they were out of sight. If Greg can forget me and our friendship like that then I want no part of another Aspie friendship. Its just too painful. I don't even know what to do from here. I don't even know if he's still alive. What should I do? I miss him.