Dealing with Rumors

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I deal with a lot of rumors in day-to-day life, mostly because I tend to give myself a bad image. Sometimes I overreact to other people's harassment or hostility (going through excessive means to shut them down), while other times it's just the way I present myself (misunderstandings can arise). So usually if there's some kind of drama, I tend to be an extremely vulnerable target, especially when it comes to others pointing fingers and/or making assumptions.

My question is. What's the best method when it comes to dealing with rumors? Do you stand your ground and continue to assert the truth, even if all odds are stacked against you? Or is it better to run away and avoid direct conflicts? Even if your reputation becomes damaged and you might lose friends in the process?

Another interesting question I pose. What if some of the rumors actually happen to be true? What if you did something bad and it's likely to stir up hate? Do you act perfectly honest about it, and prepare for the consequences? Or do you try to run and hide to a safe place? This is a question that I don't see answered a lot, surprisingly enough.

I guess it comes down to the following. Is it better to fight a seemingly unwinnable battle? Is it better to lay down your arms and simply accept the wrath of other people, hoping for forgiveness? Or is it best to give up, run away, and find a new circle of people to reside within? What causes the situation to escalate and spread the most?

What do you guys think is the most reasonable option, and is there any other advice you can possibly offer?

I'm not a dumb Dr. Phill or wannabe one. I have not even actually watched an episode.

I am only going to give you the advice I follow, if you hate it then it is you.

What I would do is I would not care about those people. Stop trying to be their friends. They do not want to be around you if they gossip.

If anything at work, school, etc. you are only being welcomed casually by these strangers.

The only ones that you know that are your friends are the ones that are like your family to you. Three dimensionally human with all varieties of emotions being shown.

Do not think about them, just find people you like to be around and do not think about the others

Are they people that you are able to avoid and ignore or do you have to be around them?

I feel like I can relate because I often feel misunderstood by people and a lot of them seem passive aggressive towards me when there doesn't seem to be any reason for them to act that way.

I technically can avoid them, but that's not really the issue. It's more like, the rumors spread across their entire social circle, because in many cases, the person tends to act really obsessive towards me. Whenever they see someone I get along with, the drag the person into a private conversation and start going down the list, telling them all the negative things about me to convince them that I'm a terrible person.

This is where it becomes a little more complex. Do I just avoid that social circle altogether and look for new groups to hang out with? Because the difficult part is, more and more of those people will likely be persuaded into hating me. The only negative is, I'd have to sacrifice those few loyal friends that would stay by my side. I'd have to cut off ties with them entirely, since they're all connected to each other. But is the price worth it, to escape that horrible situation where all the odds are stacked against you?

Or do I try to maintain my place and actively try to stop the rumors? Like, contact every friend within the group, and explain to them what's going on? Do you stand your ground and try to defend your reputation? Because on one hand, you can give them your side of the story ahead of time, before the other people get to them. On the negative side though, you may end up looking like the one who's spreading the drama, not the other people (which is really the case). And you end up making them aware of the whole situation.

It seems every option comes with both positives and negatives. I wish to pick the method that comes with the least stress possible, so I can actually live my life in happiness. So the first choice seems ideal, but the potential problem I find, is that I'd essentially be making myself more vulnerable. Because it gives a bad message: people could do whatever they want to me, and I wouldn't fight back to defend myself. But I guess at the same time, fighting back won't necessarily prevent them from doing so either. It might give them more of a hassle, but it shows that it bothers you, and people become more encouraged to keep doing it. But wait... if you're running away from the bullying, aren't you also showing that it bothers you?

You see what I mean? It's not very easy to tell what the best solution is. When I go over my decisions, it seems like there's some overlap between the outcomes. There's always a negative side to everything. I suppose maybe the best option is to forget about them altogether, like the other guys suggested.

I live in gossip central and am not well liked so there are lots about me. Sometimes I just laugh and let them think the worst because I can get away with things. Other times I address the rumors directly, to an individual, and do so in such a nice and ladylike level headed manner that they feel like s**t.

"I 'm pretty sure I have a good idea of what you think about me, but that's just rumors. I'm not on drugs, but I can see how people would think that. I have quite a few friends who are and while I don't encourage their habit I don't ignore them because of it as long as they don't go crazy. Also, I used to drink a lot and it was a problem. It dulled the emotional pain. I stopped after my mother died. I don't mind when people who don't know me assume things,everybody assumes at times. However, it's not true and I'm pretty boring and nice". Then they usually feel like s**t especially since I mentioned that I used to drink.

Or

" Contrary to popular belief I do not worship the devil. I just read cards for people and do that kind of thing. I'm all for everyone going to church and worshipping however they think is right. In fact I help Brother Greg hand out Bible CDs all the time, and I think I'm the only one that will help him". Of course I leave out the part about being a Catholic (which to people down here isn't Christian) and also a Druid and my other pagan practices. It's not their business.

Other times I use it in my favor. I'm Italian. I made two phone calls and got a local girl a mafia lawyer who also with phone calls got her put of a murder rap and an expensive well known mob lawyer went to court with her. For free. For me. Because they are friends of the family. Not THAT family either. My family. I dated the son is the first and both kid and dad were mobbed up. The second one is a cousin of a good friend of me and my husband and yeah the friend and his family is mobbed up but I'm not and I have no power to do anything the mob can do. However I've dated more than one connected guy in my time and know how their women act and how they word the veiled threats. I do nothing to dispel this rumor and therefore me and my kids are pretty safe from folks here. Doesn't hurt that the town knows I got juice with mob lawyers who can get you put of murder either. I let that rumor stay.

The ones about me being a criminal I'm truthful about. Not completely, but I give a version of the truth that makes me look good. "I grew up in West End in the 70s. I could dabble on what I dabbled in or never have left the house. That was then. I don't know anybody who still does teenage things. I mean do you listen to Hanson still?"

And sometimes the rumors work in my favor. Especially the hoodoo relates ones. I once told a cop "I am not in the mood for this today. Don't make me go home and puts curse on you". And these country and mothwrfuckers have left me alone ever since. Word gets around.

Decide what works in your favor and what doesn't. Dress what doesn't. You won't fix it overnight. Bring it up yourself when you're talking to somebody and they are standoffish. They won't mention it and they will deny having heard it even and especially if they have. Say it anyway. But you gotta start watching how you act in public from now on of you want them to stop. Say you had some medical (not psych, say it was organic if you have to use any psych) Issie that you got meds for now. Laugh at yourself. Say "damn I'm glad that's all over with".

You're going to have to prove your self. Right now most people here are afraid of me because they think I'm either a witch or connected or both. I'm totally fine with that. I'm not fine with them thinking I'm on drugs

Well it is simple they assume all these things, you are out of the box..... But being in the box makes it a lot worse when I think about it.

Besides vilifying people is an entirely another thing in of itself.

In terms who is vilifies who is those who have the most power in conversations and charasma.

Which makes me question whether some of these powerfuk conversationalists in threads are even autistic. That is also a speculative subjective way of looking at it.

But if you want to start being slanderous, then might as well look at the person who starts the slander in every conversation.

It is charasma.

I am a Christian, but guess what as soon as I admit that someone wants to say I disgracefully have a hidden motive of being disrespectful towards all other religions. Why? The most powerful charasmatic message is that Christians are evil mainly because of making similarities in the news.

People get bored easily of common bad things, they want a new interesting entertaining truth.

So what is also entertaining? Looking at this as a completely evil villian's speech from someone in a trailer park.

BUT people take words directly, but in many times in life people hardly take a care to look at the sense of things.

It is easy to hate someone because of feelings but try to like someone regardless of feelings.

I have no patience for rumours or gossip, I usually ask if they intend on discussing the matter with the centre of the topic, if not, then why are they waffling hot air around, that's what an inane fan does all day, if you put a fan facing a breeze they may fuse together and form some kind of whirlwind which will take the pointless parrots out the window and away from your peace.

It's simple. Don't hang out with people that make a habit of spreading nasty rumors, or otherwise bad mouthing you to other people. They are not your friends, and are never going to be. They get some sort of imaginary high by stomping down on other people. Stop wasting your time with them.

In general, ignore the rumors they spread around. If you have a new friend who asks about these falsehoods, do set the record straight, but don't make a career of fighting these battles.

There is an exception. If someone tells falsehoods that can do you real physical, or financial harm, or is so outrageous that it simply must be addressed, then have a lawyer send them a cease and desist letter, or they will be taken to court for defamation of character, or slander, or libel, which ever applies, and they will have to pay all kinds of legal fees, including yours, should they lose the case. Once they see that they could be out a lot of money by bad mouthing you all the time, they may rein in their bad behavior. Also, the judge can issue a restraining order to cease and desist. If they keep it up anyway, they can end up paying a lot of fines, and get their name in the paper for being a nasty gossip.

Hope this helps.

Question about this. Let's say a "new friend" eventually starts hating me and lashing out, before I even have a chance to clear it up and give my side of the story. Where they don't want to listen to anything I have to say.

Should I worry about it then? Or should I only care when the person is actually willing to talk things out? Because on one hand, it's not actually their fault for being manipulated and deceived. But on the other hand, it might just be a lost cause at that point. So would that even be a battle worth fighting?

Which is why I don't go out of my way to make friends. Long and bitter experience has taught me that those that want to be a friend are out to screw me one way or another.

Which is why I don't go out of my way to make friends. Long and bitter experience has taught me that those that want to be a friend are out to screw me one way or another.