Feeling really depressed.

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I'm slowly turning into the monster I used to be before I met her. I've already lost what love I had, which I held on to despite clues that I shouldn't. I'm the one who ruined it. I was being so clingy, so whiny, so self-obsessed. She was fed up with it, so she gave up on me. I loved her unconditionally. I still love her. I admired her, wanted to be like her. And I only knew her online, as odd as that is. And now I've lost the chance to actually be with her. I've ruined everything. I feel really depressed.

Oh my gosh, Yupa!

Well, it's absolutely incredulous that we turn into the people we "used to be." It could be because we mature, and then our feelings change. Possibly, our own internal thoughts force us to do this. I hope things go better for you.

i feel really depressed also. anyone here have the answer to all lifes problems and the secret to human happiness?

Try not to take all the blame. From what little I've seen of you online, you're a good person and you don't deserve it. Of course I can't really judge without knowing more of the story, but these situations are rarely one-sided. Besides, you're only setting yourself up for further self-hatred.

I've done my fair share of putting people on a pedestal and the thing is, even if it's deserved, it doesn't really accomplish anything productive. You can judge yourself against the best person you know, and end up looking bad, or you can judge yourself against the worst person and end up looking like a paragon of virtue - and there's no logical reason to pick one of those two points of view over the other. I'd say don't judge yourself against other people at all, but that's easier said than done, so instead, just try not to take it too far and remember there are more than six billion people on the planet.

car_crash:

I think you should look beyond life's imperfections, and not worry about anything unless it is for a valid reason.

I wish you good luck.

Crack, herion, and cocaine are the secret to happyness. They activate the limbic system (center of pleasure) like nothing else.

I suggest looking for something other than pleasure. I can't help you with anything beyond that.

Apart from the AS, I also have disthymia (a persistent low mood) so I often feel quite depressed. The best thing to get me out of it (but not always easy to arrange) is to laugh with friends or family. I have a friend now who makes me laugh by making faces at me.

I am sorry to hear that your e-mail friend lost interest. If she was a true friend, she would have been there for you, I think. I guess it is possible she started to have some troubles of her own but it would still be very hurtful to lose her as a friend.

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time at the moment. I know how it feels. For most of this year I've been feeling pretty bad. I've had plenty of episodes before. I guess it's just sometimes a part of having a disorder which tends to leave you feeling isolated from society. Hope it gets better for you.

Best wishes,
Rachel