Feeling bad about not going on a trip (relevant)

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Despite planning a week-long trip with some friends, I ended up not going. Why? Because I would not have had a car buddy with me on the trip to and from the destination.

The group was going to be me, my best friend, his fiancee, and another friend of ours. We were going to go in two cars with two people each. After this week-long trip was over, my besty and his fiancee were going to another destination, while me and the mutual friend would have driven home.

This didn't happen. When I got my previous car serviced, it was declared unsafe for the road. I sold it and was looking for a new one, compromising the original plan. Perhaps in an impatient move, the mutual friend booked plan tickets for himself to the first holiday destination. Days after he did this, I found a new car and bought it. He was unable to refund his plan tickets though (or unwilling to, the prick). This still put the plan in jeopardy.

Was it so wrong of me to want someone in the car with me on the trip to and back? Maybe I should have bought plane tickets as well, and searched for a new car AFTER I got back from the trip! Too fucken late now! So I'm mad with the mutual friend for being impatient, I'm angry with myself for wanting a car so badly and not waiting (the car I bought is great though, goes well, etc).

But most of all I'm upset with myself for disappointing my best-friend and being unable to holiday with him because I didn't want to be alone during the car trip. Is it so wrong that I wanted company for that??

This is wrecking my head right now. I'll eventually recover, but right now I just feel so low. As if I've let down the best friend I've ever had. I just hope he can forgive me for not being there. I don't know if I can forgive myself though. I hate myself very much right now. I just didn't want to be alone, but I guess now I will be at home (live with my parents but that isn't the point).

THE ABSOLUTE WORST PART IS THAT SEPTEMBER 24TH IS HIS BIRTHDAY, AND i'M NOT THERE TO CELEBRATE IT WITH HIM! ALL BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANNA DRIVE BY MYSELF! SOME FRIEND I AM!! !! !

As for your previous car being declared unsafe, that was just bad luck and bad timing.

It occurs to me that your besty went ahead and got a plane ticket because he had made previous plans to meet his fiancee at the vacation spot, which I can understand.

As for you driving alone, I don't have enough information to judge. For one thing, it might depend on how your autism affects your driving.

1) Do you have sensory or other issues while driving? I know someone with epilepsy who started having a seizure while on a road trip ... good thing someone else was in the car and able to drive for the rest of the trip.

2) How dangerous is the highway? Is it through the Australian desert or outback, such that if your car broke down, it would be unsafe or unadvisable to be alone?

3) How long is the trip? Would it involve driving at night, and are you comfortable with that? Would the drive be 8 hours or more in one day, such that you'd like to take turns driving with someone?

4) Is it simply that you wanted a friend to talk to on the journey?

5) Do you get lost easily? (I do ... )

If it were me, I would have probably just driven to the vacation spot myself, enjoying the scenery and the radio. But that said, I'm not you. What's right for me may not be right for you. And then again, I may not have driven to the vacation spot myself ... if it was in the middle of a big city, I might feel really uncomfortable making the trip alone.

In any case, I just hope your friend can understand, and that you two can work things out. Cars break, plans change, it happens. Maybe you can invite your friend out to a nice restaurant and treat him to his favorite meal when he gets home. Meanwhile, you can call him and wish him Happy Birthday.

Wishing you the best ...

The besty wasn't the one who got the plane tickets. The other friend did. If he waited, then I'd have a car buddy and wouldn't be here to make this topic.

No sensory issues that I'm aware of. I can see, hear, and respond pretty well.

Danger level? Hard to say. Australia does have its unfortunate share of road deaths. I'm a good/safe driver though. If anything I'm cautious.

The drive both ways will be about 5-6 hours, allowing for breaks. Even with music it would be long, and quite possibly boring.

Yes I wanted someone to talk to on the drive there and back. I don't like being alone for too long.

Yes I can get lost if I'm unfamiliar with the route or area.

Okay, thanks for clarifying. In that case, I'm not sure what his excuse was for buying the plane ticket. Maybe he had a good excuse, maybe he didn't ... and maybe the lines of communication could have been better.

EDIT: I see we're cross posting ... I need to go back and read the rest of your latest post ...

Back:

Now it's seeming like this is more of an interpersonal issue with related disappointment, unless you get lost even worse than I do, which I doubt.

Anyways, you know this friend better than I do, so what you can do is take a look back at his track record ... has he mostly been a good friend, or has he mostly been a disappointing one? Even a good friend can end up disappointing us once in awhile ... but if it's a habit, that's not a good thing. Anyways, you know better where you stand with him.

Things seem alright now. I'm feeling better. I sent my besty a video message for his 24th birthday today. He thanked me for it.

I've been thinking: why should I feel guilty at all? Sure I said I'd be going originally, and then decided at the last minute not to, due to the aforementioned reason (not having company on the long drive). BUT...

...I did tell my besty way back in the planning stage that if our other friend (hereon referred to as MK - and yes those are his initials) was not going to come, then I wouldn't be either. When I told them both that I didn't have a road-worthy car to travel with, I said I'd be looking for another one ASAP. But then MK goes ahead and books plane tickets to the destination, days before I miraculously found a new car. Unable (or unwilling?) to refund said tickets, MK still planned to travel by air, leaving me to drive solo. Hesitant to do so, owing to not wanting to be alone or bored the entire 10+ hours (to and from), I decided not to go on the trip.

The reason I was so insistent on getting a new car was primarily because I felt that aspect of freedom was under threat. I sought to remedy that quickly before the trip was to take place. Then MK gets tickets, won't get them refunded (even if he couldn't I was willing to repay him), and now it's just the three of them up there (besty, his fiancee, and MK).

So why the f**k should I feel guilty? I told my besty in the beginning I wanted to drive with company, and I told MK the same thing. If anything, it's more MK's fault than my own.

Sure my besty is disappointed that I'm not there. I don't blame him. I missed his birthday and that royally sucked. But I'm sick of feeling how I do right now. If my besty is going to turn spiteful and not forgive me, then maybe I need to consider looking for new friends.