Banter

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Today I worked in the HR office. I like it because I don't have to talk to customers (yay!), however I am not immune from socialisation even behind the scenes. How do you guys deal with office-type banter, or any banter really? My brain doesn't process conversational cues quickly enough for me to participate, so I usually have no choice but general agreement, false laughter etc.

We are recruiting at the moment so we have a lot of interviews and new starters. My colleagues in the office (middle-aged ladies mainly) were joking about a couple of the new guys being 'hot', and proceeded to match-make the new guys to me using their applications . It was kind of funny but I felt super awkward because I couldn't keep pace with the jokes and banter, nor could I opt out because said banter was focused on me... Any tips or shared experiences? I hate awkward stuff like this.

I'd avoid fake laughter at all costs—few things sound more pathetic to me. However, its very popularity suggests it tends to work with neurotypicals. I wonder if they don't detect its phonines—which seems unlikely—or they do, but they also figure it'd be unprofitable for them to point it out, so they turn a blind eye to it.

I agree, but sadly fake laughter seems more socially acceptable than making my confusion obvious. Lots of social protocols seem to favour faking emotion, it's one of the reasons I dislike social situations so much. I think my quietness in these situations is perceived as shyness, which I don't really like, but I suppose it's better than being thought of as rude .

I have found three main impressions of shy people

1. They are fascinating

2. They are trying to listen in on conversations

3. They are trying to "hide something."


It is probably seen as more odd for a man to be shy than for a woman to be shy.

I think male "bants" is easier. There are two targets: their sex life, and their wife's sex life (because they are separate, see? And there's the humour).

I have had the experience of middle-aged HR ladies - some of the most objectifying comments I've ever heard came from them. And it was non-stop.

If they are matchmaking with you, pick out tiny and insignificant flaws and sarcastically make them deal breakers, or insist you have impossibly high standards. I'm not saying "get personal". If they (for some reason) have a degree in Art History, imply that you're looking to be looked after financially, and that that degree doesn't bring in enough money.

Or go down the other route and say you much prefer you hedonistic lifestyle of prostitutes and one night stands across the beaches of Europe.

Say they are damaging your innocence. Unless they are likely to make lewd comments regarding your innocence, or lack thereof.

But I see nothing wrong with a fake laugh, provided it isn't obvious and violent. Play the role they've cast you in.