I showed myself up today on a bus

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Despite having social anxiety in public places, occassionally I do intentionally draw attention to myself because of wanting people to notice how I'm really feeling. But I then regret it afterwards.

Today I was on a bus, and had no choice but to sit right at the back on the back seat because all the other seats were taken up, except for one or two seats right at the front. I had been shopping and had some heavy shopping bags, and was tired and hot. Then this rather large couple got on with a loud and rather energetic toddler, and, yes, lo and behold, they came and sat right next to me. What made it worse was the woman and the kid sat on the seats in front of me, which were REAR-FACING seats, and the bloke sat next to me, so I was sitting facing a woman and a toddler, and had my personal space completely invaded. I started feeling angry and also anxious, and so I quickly got up and climbed through them, looking rather pissed off, and I felt everybody at the back of the bus were looking at me. I moved down to the empty seats at the front.

But at the VERY NEXT stop, the couple with the kid got off! I felt more annoyed because if they were only on the bus for a very short ride, they could have sat at the front, being so they were going to be getting off less than a minute later (if I had known they were getting off so soon, I wouldn't have moved).

As the journey went on, I started to feel bad for my reaction. But at the time I just felt so irritated. They probably took it personally, and probably thought "what an unpleasant lady", but I can't help feeling socially anxious, also I don't like little kids too near me. Also, what if they got off because of the way I got up and moved? What if I upset them?

Everyone on that bus has long since forgot about you. People are preoccupied with their own lives not you, noticing this is key to improving your social anxiety.

I feel the same way when my personal space is invaded. I get really irritable. Kids cause me more anxiety than adults do.

I just get so annoyed because it's happened before. Once I was sitting on the second deck of a double-decker bus, and I was the only person up there, so there was about 40 empty seats, and then this family with about 5 children, all under the age of 4, got on, clambered up the stairs, and the parents let them sit right where I was. They literally surrounded me, like I wasn't there.

I think you did well.
I probably would have gotten off the bus.

My advice is.. Try not to dwell on it. I understand what it's like to be swallowed up with irritation and you act out but don't mean to. I have had to teach myself to not do what I want to do - which is to run away from the situation when it isn't appropriate. Here are some things that helped me get better with that:

First, Try to smile amidst the situation. It can trick your brain to calm down a little. Second, understand the feelings you're having (anxious, irritation) and mentally chaste yourself, tell yourself to calm down and that in (x) amount of time it will be over. Remind yourself what is more important, which is how you represent yourself to others. Now, I don't mean its more important to suffer, but it's important to think about for me because I don't like hurting other peoples feelings.

Part of me wants them to know how I'm feeling, I want them to feel guilty or even sympathetic - although I do also know full well that the only thoughts and feelings they will feel is "hey, what's your problem, b***h? Our kid is great, we are great, why are you moving?"

Another thing is, I like getting the bus, I enjoy getting the bus, and as a slight agoraphobe, it's essentially the only public place I can relax; listening to my music and watching out the window. I suddenly feel really anxious when people with toddlers come on and invade my personal space, and sit in seats facing me, making me enveloped in among them, as though I'm part of their lives.

A lot of Aspies here say that couples with kids avoid them, but they don't me. I suppose I should be thankful, but sometimes part of me wishes I was weird enough to have couples with kids avoid me.

That's the beauty of this forum, you get folk you can relate to!

I feel the same way and haven't even been on a bus for 3 years. I just can't do it. When I used to take public transport, I would grab the single seat if possible. It really pissed me off when there where empty seats yet some stranger I didn't want near me plonked their uninvited but next to me.

I would also stand rather than sit next to a complete stranger.

I am currently claiming disability benefit but have been placed in the 'Work Related Activity Group' as they 'feel I have potential for work'. I'd like to know where that potential is as I can't even walk down my street alone.

I used to be the same way but back then on bad days I would just wear big stylish sunglasses everywhere because it helped with the anxiety.
I'd also read a book on busses so I had somewhere to look rather than staring out of the window, if you're reading something people are less likely to interact with you.

Kids are a pain in the arse for anxiety so the best thing to do is not give them attention because once you do they want more. Like if someone is on the bus with a baby staring at you just act like it doesn't exist and it'll leave you alone.

Two word

Ear buds

Nah you're cool. Reactions like yours are the only thing preventing such people from acting so ignorant all the time. A couple years ago some construction worker twice my size double parked me & 5+ more cars in on a neighbourhood street behind a huge trailer, I must have looked like a rabid chihuahua with hippie hair walking up to him I was so pissed.

He moved the truck.

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I can't read on buses, because it'd make me feel dizzy, and I wouldn't be able to concentrate anyway.

I dislike toddlers, yet people are always putting them in my personal space. I give out signals in my facial expression and body language that I do not want their brat right next to me, but they just gawp at me and sit there anyway, expecting me to just put up with it.

I remember one time I was in a very awkward situation in a restaurant. I was sitting at a small table by the window, then suddenly this mother came in with this kid who was crying and screaming because it wanted to sit in my place! While the mother was ordering their meal at the front, the kid stood by my table, crying "I wanna sit there!" and pointing at me. I didn't have the patience, but I didn't know what to do. The mother came and took the brat to another table, but the situation would have been a bit less awkward if she had apologized to me for her kid. I couldn't enjoy my meal after that, because I sat there wondering why I had to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.