False promises

Post Reply New Topic

That's what all the so-called friends are about, false promises.
Why do they always say "I'll call you." Yet they never ever do? Maybe I'm making a big deal out of it but sometimes I really sit there waiting for that phone call only to have somebody to talk to for a while, even a few minutes will do. But I know that they won't ever call me.
Another scenario, the "We'll go out tomorrow/in the coming holiday" talk. Tomorrow comes, they don't mention anything about going out, so I just call them and ask them about it and they typically reply with, "I'm really sorry but I cannot go out because [put an excuse here]". False promises, just crap they fill in my head to make me feel better for a temporary period of time.
Why can't people stick to what they say? Why do they encounter difficulty in being honest and meaning what they say while I find it something very easy to do? Ok maybe we're being way too honest but isn't that better?
Please feel free to share your examples of people giving you false promises and we'll see if we all have been in similar situations.

All of this "I'll call you" is just noise unless it's the start of a process where the next thing to do is for you to say "Fine! When?" If they act confused or are vague, it was only social noise.

Out here I used to get the same thing from places I interviewed. Did they ever call? No. Noise.

Yep, I've been in similar situations... all the time. What really gets to me is when you're sick of waiting for someone to call and something to happen, so you decide to call them. Then you organise something and it's based on their terms, they suggest something and it seems fine because it was organised to suit everyone... and then on the day you get a message saying "sorry something else has come up" or "I'm sorry I forgot I had organised other arrangments that I can't miss". That really gets to me. People shouldn't hint at what they never intend to do it just complicates everything - and it's not that hard to say "no" first off!

Oh definitely i am in that situation very often... i get soo angry! every time my mom, for example says "we are going to ____ tomorrow" and that never happens, she again says tomorrow and so on and so on until finally i get to go.. i get soo infuriated between the time, and its not fair, a promise s a promise. and thn there are those excuses, "im not feeling good, and such, well i hear that EVERY time"

The lie "I'll call you" or "I'll keep in touch" lie is one of the reasons why I have gotten to the point of outright hating telephones! My telephone never rings for someone to just chat, or to invite me to come have fun with them. Others have NO PROBLEM calling me instantly whenever something breaks, or they need a hand with a job! I have gotten to the point that I don't even pick up the phone anymore because it's always someone begging me to do something for them. I let the answering machine screen all my calls.

My mom thinks I've really gotten cold hearted becasue I won't do anything for anybody anymore. I am not asking for a return favor, but just some friendship that's more than just doing jobs for each other. I've just gotten really tired of doing nice things for people like pulling A/V wiring throughout their house, but then they don't even have the decency to invite me over to enjoy movies or something on their new system with them after it's done.

I remember being taught as a child that lying was bad and not nice. The problem is that the NT community lies constantly! I still don't think it's nice, and I still try to be as honest as possible. I think it's really bad that society actually encourages lying by calling it "manners" and "tact" . The NT society thrives off of theses lies and broken promises and thinks nothing of it! At work, I'm not supposed to tell someone that they were wrong for attempting to insert a DVD in a VHS deck, or that their camera that they have is not the proper device for the job they are doing...even though it's the truth, but it may hurt someone's feelings. WELL...MY feelings are hurt WORSE when someone doesn't tell me all the information I want and need in a straightforward manner.

Don't be afraid to tell me that I messed up a job...I want to do it better next time! Don't tell me you are going to call me when you really have no interest in calling me.



In all honesty, I'm totally SICK of communicating with others simply because I cannot get a straight answer and good, reliable information!! !! So, I just don't. I used to try and be an outgoing person, but it's just come back to bite me in the ass because I get nothing but bullcrap in return!

I don't know why people make false promises. It must just be for how it sounds coming out of their mouths. I wonder if that's an NT thing? I don't see any of us making false promises just to shut people up. That can't be an aspie thing. Anyway, it irks me to no end when people do it.

I have had my share of people who were supposed to be my friends who have made false promises.

A. There was a lady who was a childhood friend of mine who grew up to be very disrespectful, dishonest and flaky by the time she hit puberty. We were friends off and on past 1997. During the first re-connection, she promised to sleep over in a few days of us making plans. However, she postponed on me twice and stood me up on the third attempt.

Here were her three excuses

1. She had gotten a speeding ticket while having her driver's permit so she had a court date the next morning. (I think it was a lie because she was turning 16 in a week).

2. The second time was because it was raining really hard

3. The third time, she refused to come to the phone and had her mom make excuses for me along with blowing me off so she could run off with her boyfriend.

B. I had a flaky friend join the military and she had promised me that she was going to write to me while she was at Basic Combat Training. She never wrote to me once or bothered to call me. When I did hear from her it was "I was so home sick that I just felt like calling my mom." When I confronted her for breaking her promise, she got hostile. "I don't appreciate this. I have problems and if you can't realize that then our friendship is over." What?

C. The most recent one was an ex-friend who let me go three years ago so this excuse was at the tail of our friendship. She and I had made plans for us to go out for tea. Yet, I never heard from her and so I called and left a message only to get a nasty excuse that she had to cancel because she had been having a "Terrible Period." When I called her out on that one, she cut me down by using her husband as a weapon. "My Husband had wanted us to spend more time on the weekend and plus he often complains about you sometimes." She claimed that he had brought up some scenarios of that past that I did which were minor.

- I was envious because she had gotten her face in a news paper one year earlier
- I walked ahead of them with her sister one-year earlier.

I have to assume that they will all flake out, so I don't get disappointed.

when they actually follow through it is a pleasant surprise