Pretending friendship and other NT stupid games

Post Reply New Topic

It really bothers me when acquaintances I have known for several years and see weekly (or more often), shake my hand when they see me, act friendly and say "we will have to get together sometime" and they don't really mean it. I don't know how to play the "let's pretend that I like you and want to be your friend" game and it is annoying. I prefer to be honest with people.

I see through them and go my way. Sometimes I'm rude because I know its a game at my expense (if I make a meeting time with them, they find a way to get out of it). This happens with many people I know. What can I do? I know being rude is not the answer but that's how I feel at the time.

I can understand your frustration, but you shouldn't hate them for it. They're trying to make you feel liked, or at the very least they're trying to be civil. You can't blame them if they don't actually enjoy your company - although it is unfortunate.

There are some NTs who will actually use this method to make someone feel inferior. Like a subtle "Ha ha you got no friends".

I felt kinda dumb when that got pointed out to me.

It took me a very long time to realize that they weren't serious. In fact, I still believe them half the time.

My sister's the worst offender at this. She says to me ALL THE TIME - "I'd do anything for you" "I'll always be there for you" etc. And I take her literally, so when I ask her to do something that I really need from her, I expect her to say yes. Yet she always says no.

She's so bad that she'll say both things in one email. Just last week, I asked her to front some money to a relative because I need to send a check which takes about a week. She has plenty of money. She told me she couldn't do it because she didn't want to get involved. And in the same email she said "Of course, I'd do anything for you". I don't get it. I know I need to stop asking her for anything.

Well, she wasnt sending YOU the money, she would have sent it to someone else. You may be there for that person but it doesnt mean whoever you are helping, your sister automatically will help, as well.

I also think that when she says she is "there for you," she is implying 'during the tough times' and not for simple things. Mind you, I dont know what it is you are asking of her (or how often). I've told people I'm "there for them" but as a last resort, as in 'the world hates you, but I never will'

I can't stand it when people say this and don't mean it. When I say something like that, I litterally mean anything.

This is all too familiar to me, and it does make me angry when people do this. It's as if they're verbally patting themselves on the back by hearing themselves make pledges to other people; they surely feel so good about themselves in those would-be chivelrous moments. And, whenever I respond passively, and don't seem to fall for it -- they INSIST that they're SERIOUS! They want, nay NEED me to fall for it -- it gets them off somehow, to deceive people that way. I make it a policy to have nothing to do with such disingenuous people; they will only bring you heartache, or at best, continual annoyance.

I'd love to try nodding politely while someone is making all these fake pledges to me, and then when they're done, reply calmly: "You're lying. See ya!"

The other day,a girl that doesn't know me that well--yet gossips about me alot--said to me,"Like,ohmigod! We've soooo gotta get togther sometime."

I looked at her and said,"The only time we are ever going to get together is for me to beat the s**t out of you for being a chicken s**t cuntbitch."


-SpaceCase

I would enjoy trying that sometime!! ! It's one of the those engrained NT societal annoyances where you have to 'show' how genuine you are where you're not. I remember when I was younger, I asked this kid if he had a game where we could play online called Dr. Brain - it has internet connection. He said he has gone online before and that we could go online together and play online chess or something. I went on to see if he was there and nothing. I was confused why someone would say something and just not do it.

It's as if we are the MIB seeing the aliens and the NT's are the regular civilians completely oblivious to the aliens, i.e. not seeing their pointless social promises.

People used to use that to bully me all the time. Took a while before I got wise to it. I used to call them, thinking I had a friend but they were always busy. They would pretend to be infatuated with the idea of hanging out. After a while I didn't try anymore.

Just be cordial with them and say "It's nice to see you too." If they mention getting together, ask for their contact information and contact them in advance and see if they would like to meet you for lunch, dinner or coffee. If they tell you "No" then the next time they play this game, tell them "I don't know, I have a pretty busy schedule but I will have to see."

I guess that all they want is you to get tired and to cut contact, because they aren't courageous enough to cut contact by themselves. If that's what they want, then fine. It's easier to make the first move. There are plenty of other people to meet thanks to Internet now.
I used to cry about "losing" them before, but I'm now aware that if those people never liked me, and I've done nothing wrong, then that isn't a loss. I'm not allowing my feelings to get hurt by hypocrites any more.

Last edited by MissAlgernon on 18 Oct 2016, 11:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

I also hate that. I know someone at my clubhouse who does that to me. I know she doesn't want to be my friend. That's why I wish she'd stop doing it.

I don't like when people do that either.

Many times in my life, I was the person someone called when stuck for a ride or if absolutely no one else was around to hang with. I say no much more often now because I have pretty much given up on the NT world. (Yes, some NTs are cool like some of the ones here at WP).

I didn't want to give up but the hurt feelings were too much.

"We will have to get together sometime..."
"That would be nice" I say non-committedly and that is the end of it.

I prefer atypicals anyways because we are more direct in general.

I was just thinking about this same problem this morning. I have a "friend" who says "let's have lunch sometime" every time I run into him, but every time I try to arrange something, it is inconvenient for him and I feel like I'm harassing him.

I don't think they are being bullies at all by saying "We need to get together" and never do. Rather, it's a common cultural thing where someone says something that feels good at the time.

It's not an NT thing, I have seen plenty of Aspie's pull this kind of crap on people as well as someone who has ADHD. For instance, I have a close friend who also has AS and have a guy friend who constantly leads him around. "Dude we need to get together," but when it boils down to it, he's busy with this or that. He also often promises to get together but always bails on my friend.