Trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong...

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I'm currently in the process of being diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome or something along the autistic spectrum. I've always had a lot of difficulty with social interaction and keeping/making friends is something I've found particually frustrating.

Few years ago I met someone who I really connected with...could really relate to. It was a sort of platonic emotion I'd never felt before, and we became quite good friends. I'd never had a friend like this before so I tried my damn hardest to do my best to keep it going. I gave her as much money as she wanted, did practically anything for her, was always there for her and always put her before my other friends (none of the others really cared, anyway). I studied long and hard about how to keep friendships going and tried to put those skills into practice...

Yet I was rarely ever considered her best friend. We tended to fall out a lot, more so than many of my other friends...and over stupid things. It was always her going off in moods...I was more than willing to make up after fall outs etc but she was more reluctant even when I tried to explain and apologise.

Recently, we finished high school and she hasnt continued onto 6th Form. I've been trying my damn hardest to keep in contact with her but she seems to have put no effort into contacting me whatsoever. She'll only talk to me on msn when it suits her, it seems, and though she claims shes glad I'm her friend and she likes me etc she certinately doesnt show it. On her msn profile she notes down all her closest friends...some of which I always felt were less close to her than me. She doesnt mention me anywhere. None of them gave her as much money or stuff as I did, none of them seemed to do as much stuff for her as I did...none of them are as commited or loyal to her. I've tried my hardest but it just seems that despite shes the most important person in the world to me, I'm practically nothing to her.

Everytime I bring up the topic of meeting up after school etc she either ignores me or makes an excuse. The fact that shes putting all that stuff on her profile only seems to make it feel like shes rubbing it in that I just cant handle friendship...

Its so frustrating. I'm just trying to work out what I'm doing wrong here. I've been as nice as I possibly can, opened up to her more than anyone else...and although we have very little in common in terms of interest and personality, she always said she could relate to me a lot more than other people.

Any ideas what I'm missing out of this friendship? or tips on how to revive it?
I'm feeling a strong sense of rejection and it really hurts...but I'm scared to talk to her about all this cos I know she'll probably just fall out/argue with me...
so tips on how to discuss this with her would be useful

thanks for reading

She clearly has nothing to do with you anymore you should forget her

I agree, I think that you're better off without her. Sounds like she was being a manipulative leech, who used her mood swings to exert and maintain emotional control over you.

There was an earlier thread about detecting narcissists. You might want to read it. Helped me bigtime in realizing that my former best friend was a narcissist!!

People are absolutle tossers, I'm in a similar situation with someone and everyone I talk to says "he is the one with the problem". I hadn't done anything, try and purge them from your life.

This sounds very similar to what I've gone through with several people I thought were friends. There will be times when I will feel they are pulling away from me so I will start offering them things I have just to keep them. Like money, or I've even been so foolish to give one friend my leather jacket.

What I've learned is that this is the wrong approach. No matter what you do, there are people that will flit and flutter about. They get what they need from you and then leave because they are tired of you. It's very difficult to find someone who is actually genuine and will put forth the same amount of effort into you as you are putting into them.

Bottom line: A true friend is someone who you do not have to pay with gifts, lunches, and money to be your friend. There may be occasions that you want to treat them to something, like their birthday, or a holiday that you spend together. Gifts are nice, but they aren't a means for keeping a friendship alive.

I've been in the position that you are in a number of times. It's hard to let the person go, because you have an interest in them. It's not healthy for you to try and maintain the relationship. She's not really your friend or she wouldn't be hurting you the way she is. I know that's hard to hear and accept. I didn't learn this lesson until I turned 31 though, so I've spent a lot of years and money on trying to keep people as friends.

Hope this helps.

From what you've written, it sounds like you are trying too hard to keep this girl as your friend. People don't like people who are too nice.

You shouldn't have to buy her friendship.
I have a girl that I go to shows... I buy tickets, she goes to the shows. It may seem like I'm getting used but see I don't drive, and she goes to shows with me that no one else will. So it's a case of we both have something that the other wants. Would I consider it a friendship? Perhaps. Do I want to have a long lasting and meaningful friendship with this girl ? Sure. But if it doesn't happen I'm not going to let it bother me too much, it's her loss. That's how I'm looking at things, otherwise I'd end up sweating her all the time, and that would ruin any chance of a friendship. I'll be there for her and give her advice and a shoulder, but due to past experiences, I keep her emotionally at arms length, because I know that while she is a wonderful person and caring and sweet and funny, and I have seen this side, I also know she can be manipulative and toxic. So I'm not going to let myself get hurt. Especially over a girl I have no chance or desire of persuing romantically. I used to be a doormat, I'm now learning not to be so much of one, I already have ONE true friend, and while I'd like more, I know that's more than a lot of people so I count my blessings.
(My luck she's a member of this board and is reading this...lol tap dancing christ )