Are you better one-on-one, or in a group?

Page 1 of 2 [ 28 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Moccu
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Sep 2015
Posts: 182
Location: Ontario

16 Dec 2016, 12:11 am

I've always preferred getting to know someone in private, or kind of off to the side if we're in a social setting.

I've never liked to 'compete' in groups of friends/acquaintances, because I'm soft-spoken, and have always been the first person to lose my voice at a party from trying to speak louder with all the buzz going on in the background.

I feel it's much harder to have people get to know me in that scenario, and so I feel a bit overshadowed by my louder, more extroverted friends- and once again, can't compete.

However, I know I'm a much stronger conversationalist than a group entertainer.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 29 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 193 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical


nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,622
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

16 Dec 2016, 12:13 am

I prefer one on one but I don't mind groups if it's small & people I already know.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Lunella
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2016
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,067
Location: Yorkshire, UK

16 Dec 2016, 1:53 am

Oh I get the voice thing as well, it's just from not having a practiced voice I guess. I only have one volume setting haha.

It honestly depends on my mood though, if I'm wasted I don't care I'll talk to anyone about anything. Most of the time though I'd prefer one or two people as it's easier. Huge groups are a pain because you can't really get out what you wanna say because there's so many people trying to get a word in.

I swear, my boyfriend doesn't know what an inside voice is. He usually speaks for me if it's super loud so that does come in handy sometimes.

If you feel comfortable just speaking to a few people rather than huge groups you could just chat to the person closest to you instead, that's what I used to do, have mini conversations with other people near me rather than join in the huge conversations all the time.


_________________
The term Aspergers is no longer officially used in the UK - it is now regarded as High Functioning Autism.


firemonkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,649
Location: Calne,England

16 Dec 2016, 2:08 am

I am more of a one to one than group person.



Moccu
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Sep 2015
Posts: 182
Location: Ontario

16 Dec 2016, 2:58 am

Lunella wrote:
Oh I get the voice thing as well, it's just from not having a practiced voice I guess. I only have one volume setting haha.

It honestly depends on my mood though, if I'm wasted I don't care I'll talk to anyone about anything. Most of the time though I'd prefer one or two people as it's easier. Huge groups are a pain because you can't really get out what you wanna say because there's so many people trying to get a word in.

I swear, my boyfriend doesn't know what an inside voice is. He usually speaks for me if it's super loud so that does come in handy sometimes.

If you feel comfortable just speaking to a few people rather than huge groups you could just chat to the person closest to you instead, that's what I used to do, have mini conversations with other people near me rather than join in the huge conversations all the time.

Drinking makes everything easier, except that I'm dead the next day. :heart:

And I know what you mean about not being able to really say what you want to in a huge group, that's really the most of my reasoning for preferring one-on-one.

Big groups are fun for activities, games, and w/e tho. Stuff that you don't actually need to have a conversation around.

My boyfriend isn't too loud, but he can be. He kind of speaks for me too, or he starts the conversation off in a way that's easier for everyone to chime in. He's kind of like a mediator that way, lol.

Now I wish it was tomorrow so I can get up and do stuff.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 29 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 193 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical


whatamievendoing
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Aug 2016
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,336
Location: Finland

16 Dec 2016, 3:06 am

I'm better one-on-one. I've tried to improve my group conversation skills lately, but alas, my attempts keep falling short. It tends to especially happen if I'm not the initiator of the conversation.


_________________
“They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.”
― Kurt Cobain


mathiebrungrand
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 21 Oct 2016
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 58
Location: New York

16 Dec 2016, 1:46 pm

I like this question.

I think it can go both ways. In a group, I can actually just observe and be quiet, which can be nice. And you can gain a lot by just observing and listening to what individuals say.

I always feel pressure to be interesting and funny when I am one on one, which is a challenge when dating. You know, the first date I try to be engaged, but that usually falls apart by the 4th or 5th date and I just sit there spacing out. Of course if I meet someone who likes to talk about math or science, then I dont space out.

People that can do solo socializing or group socializing consistently are pretty amazing.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 139 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 72 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


BirdInFlight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2013
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?

16 Dec 2016, 3:45 pm

I'm always better one-on-one. In a group I feel overwhelmed and I start to shut down and become completely non-contributory.



xDominiel
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 10 Dec 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 199

16 Dec 2016, 3:57 pm

I usually do pretty well one-on-one, group socialization though, no, just no. :|



Holden14
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 22 Feb 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 68
Location: Wales

16 Dec 2016, 5:06 pm

I personally find one-on-one socialising pressurised and stressful, unless
-the person is someone I'm very very close to (there are 3 people in this category)
-the one-on-one conversation will only last a couple of minutes
-I've already established either a really interesting topic with the person I'm talking to, or a fun series of jokes, during the one-on-one conversation.
If none of these criteria apply, I really don't enjoy one-on-one conversations.

In most group conversations, however, the topic isn't of particular interest to me and/or there is no topic at all. I find this boring and a waste of time, unless people are really enjoying themselves and making jokes. In group conversations I tend to zone out, which is ok for me but may seem rude. An exception to this is when I'm among friends and we've been socialising for a while solidly (eg 2 hours). After about this long I sometimes get really confident, loud, and make loads of jokes. I'm not sure if my friends find this amusing or annoying, but I enjoy it :D

So overall, I'm not especially good in nor enjoy most one-on-one or group conversations, with some exceptions.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 121 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 83 of 200


Outrider
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,007
Location: Australia

17 Dec 2016, 7:57 am

Prefer one on one, for all the same reasons everyone else here does.

Group situations work if most of the group are quiet/shy anyway and only a few are talkative.

I do enjoy groups where I'm one of the more talkative people.

Don't struggle in group situations, just f*cking hate them with a passion.

The amount of effort I put into socialization depends on just how interested I am in the first place.

With family I am lazy because they except me unconditionally and aren't worth the mental effort, in group situations I have no interest in mentally exhausting myself to appear socioable and 'normal'.

I only enjoy group situations when I know each member quite well individually, then it feels more like all my individual friends simply joining together as one united group rather than me feeling like a new person/outsider to a group I still barely know or only really being good friends with one of the members.



Claradoon
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,964
Location: Canada

17 Dec 2016, 8:10 am

I'm much better one-on-one. Any more than that and I become the audience, nodding or shaking my head etc. If there's a dead silence in a group, which I know upsets others, I can usually throw in a conversational nugget that will get it going again.



CyclopsSummers
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,172
Location: The Netherlands

17 Dec 2016, 11:38 am

I, too, prefer one-on-one interactions as opposed to a group setting, and I have a fairly clear idea of why. Aside from the sensory overstimulation when dealing with a group of people, there is the aforementioned factor of the conversational topic usually being out of my ballpark or simply less interesting to me, so I don't get to add much to the conversation. Whereas, one-on-one, I tend to zoom in on the common ground between the other person and me. Since I have interests that deviate considerably from the mainstream, it is difficult to strike up a conversation with a random person in the first place. When in a group situation, the common ground that's settled upon in the group is usually something I have less affinity with, and I fall by the wayside of the conversation.

As such, people often think I'm unwilling to talk to other people, while in reality I'm just not very good at it. Unless it's on a topic that's up my alley.


_________________
clarity of thought before rashness of action


fourcandles
Raven
Raven

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 102

17 Dec 2016, 4:00 pm

I can only do one-on-one socially. In groups I just sort of shut down. Way too much input, so my brain just goes "nope" and heads for the exit. I'm usually not far behind. These days I just avoid social situations as much as I can, but occasionally they're unavoidable.

The only thing booze ever did was make me too wasted to care that I was a freak, which is still something I suppose.



Auroras
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 35

17 Dec 2016, 7:11 pm

I definitely enjoy one-on-one situations more, I just feel like it's easier to converse that way. Group situations usually have a lot going on and it can get a little stressful.. and I hate having a lot of eyes on me, so I tend not to talk that much. :'D Sometimes it's nice to be the observer though!



Moccu
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Sep 2015
Posts: 182
Location: Ontario

17 Dec 2016, 11:46 pm

Auroras wrote:
I definitely enjoy one-on-one situations more, I just feel like it's easier to converse that way. Group situations usually have a lot going on and it can get a little stressful.. and I hate having a lot of eyes on me, so I tend not to talk that much. :'D Sometimes it's nice to be the observer though!

Awwe, the bunny in your profile picture though :heart:


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 29 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 193 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical