Three way friendships

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What are your experiences with three way friendships? Are you often the third wheel? Do you feel left out? Would you prefer your friends to not know each other?

In my situation I often associate with a friend on a one-on-one situation for a while. Then someone else steps into the picture and then I find that I have to compete with the other person whether it be a significant other or another person who has more in common with the friend. I have also had to battle with all of my life.

My brother and I could never share the same friends because people would ditch me for my brother or use me to get to my brother. He has always been a chick magnet. I always felt kicked to the curb when people did that to me. My brother never stayed friends with any of these people because he didn't like people treating me that way.

Your brother sounds like a jewel

Yes. In high school, I considered my two “best friends,” and I to have an equitable relationship. As events unfolded, one of my friends became more preoccupied with her romantic relationship. The three way dynamic fell apart, and I soon considered Dara to be my best friend. However, Dara and Christina remained close and considered each to be one another's best friend. I realize I was the third wheel this whole time. :/

I do so much better with one on one relationships. I like to have "my person" and I can function well when it's more intimate. Start adding friends to the "group" and I immediately become the awkward one out. If I have to "compete" with others who seem to demand attention, I might as well not even try. I'm a little leaguer up against MLB players.

I had three female friendships that were pretty close while they were single and then they found their significant others. As soon as they found a significant other, my relationship with them was a joke and especially the first two. The third one gradually became a joke to her after she got married.

Being who I am, I am very outspoken and I blew up at all three of them because I just felt like they were not valuing our friendship anymore. I got the maddest at my childhood friend because she gave me promises like, "I will always be there for you," and "We will always be best friends." When I blew up at her she was very passive-aggressive with me and often started blowing me off.

I got mad the second friend because she never had time for me after meeting her second boyfriend during the longevity of the friendship while leading me around. "We'll get together though." She also broke several other promises and got really an attitude where thought she was superior to me because she didn't have Asperger's Syndrome. Communicating with her when things bothered me was like walking on eggshells around her.

The third friend had a priority to get married but she just gradually became unreliable in addition to just plain being mean because she was envious of me because of my intelligence and body image. For example, she started blowing off with sick excuses and then I would call her out only to hear this story that her husband didn't want us getting together because of things I did in the past such as getting envious of her something or walking ahead of her and him. "He doesn't consider you to be family like I do and it breaks my heart."

Tried them before, have worked for a bit for me but not long. As others have said, one-on-one friendships are a lot better and easier to be yourself. When it becomes a group thing, I shut down and want to run away.

Groups are such a different dynamic, not including that the group might know each other well already, but you may only know one of them. Group conversations are often almost like a frenzied competition - whoever comes up with witty and funny things to say get points in the form of respect and those who stay quiet are shunned from the group. It's an extrovert's dream.

I agree with all your descriptions and experiences of three way friendships and group dynamics. It's hard to feel like part of the group. Dealing with people who like to dominate and be the center of attention all the time makes three way friendships very exhausting and challenging. Friends getting boyfriends and husbands can alter the friendship dynamics too. Here is another one of my experiences with three way friendships.

I find three way friendships challenging because I always seem to get left out and feel like a third wheel. I am out somewhere with Anna and Soairse. Soairse wants to keep Anna all to herself. She dominates the conversations and doesn't make me feel included. Soairse likes to make plans with Anna and not include me. I have known Soairse a lot longer than Anna has so I can see through Soairse's crap. I know that Soairse is using Anna for gossip about our boss. Soairse used to work with Anna and me. Soairse is also tight with Violet. Violet and Soairse text each other all the time. Neither will text me ever. Violet and Soairse pretty much ignore me when other people are around. Soairse's mother thinks that Anna, Violet, Soairse, and I are all good friends. I think not because I always get left out. I was there for all these people when they needed me and I tried being friends with them.

I have the tendency to dominate the conversation but it's not the be the center of attention. Rather, I do it there is silence and I use it to fill that void.

Anyway,

As far as other situations go, I associated with a co-worker for a little while who I questioned but then she turned out to be nice and we even ate lunch together and had some things in common but I found I was walking on eggshells around her where I couldn't be myself. Another girl got hired one year later and this "Friend" gradually started talking to her and shutting me out of conversations. When I asked her what she was talking about she snapped at me so I just stopped talking.

Little did I know is that this "Friend" really hated me and was spreading false lies to the new girl and trying to convince our other co-workers that we were not friends and that I was the "Liar." Meanwhile, she would play games with me where she would tell me things like, " Don't tell anyone I told you but XYZ," and they would tell everyone else that I found out things that she told them not to tell me.

She also started avoiding me at break time whenever I would try to join her and another male co-worker who was a friend of hers where they would get up and walk out.