Are you afraid to invite people because they might not come?

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Every now and then I contemplate hosting a get-together, having friends or coworkers over to my place, but I just can't do it. For so long now, I've been afraid to invite people over because so often in the past when I invited people to come over or meet up, they declined. In my college arts program, every weekend I sent out invites to my classmates to screen films and eat at my place. None ever came. Another time I tried to organize a group outing to the theater to see a new animated film, only to find out later that a bunch of them went without me.

It still hasn't changed. I invited a former coworker and her husband over for dinner. It's been several weeks and no response.

Every time one of these invitations fails, I'm reminded that I'm not thought of as a friend, or someone who might be fun, or is worth spending time with.

So I have reached a point where it feels safer for my own self esteem to simply not invite people over, rather than risk finding out that they don't care to spend time with me.

But should I risk inviting people? Is it worth it, even if I might discover that I am, in fact, unlikeable?

I would say, find other people.
Invite them out for coffee in a public place first, rather than to your house.
Or perhaps the movies, that would depend on the circumstances.
Or some other activity.
And maybe a smaller group, or even one person.

(Keep in mind that I'm a female a bit older than you,
so as for my advice, take what feels right to you
and leave the rest.)

I'm very afraid of this. I've never been popular, and the thought of people paying attention to my invitation to an event I organised and going out of their way to actually come would feel so weird for me. This is why I am reluctant to have a big wedding when I get married. I'm just so afraid non-relatives won't turn up. Not only I would feel hurt, I would also feel embarrassed, because a wedding is supposed to be a big, happy day, and my partner's family or friends might think ''ain't you got any friends then?''

Know that you are fulfilling your side of being a friend by inviting them to visit. You have done what is expected of you; you offered. I can't say the same about those in your life who are unfriendly to you.

As others have written here, remember your favorite restaurant, diner and coffeehouse in case you need some "Plan B" options instead of a house visit. Start out small by bringing bagels, donuts or cookies to work for sharing with everyone. Make sure to invite every coworker to have one if they so desire. A week or two later, ask two coworkers to join you for lunch near your workplace. Without busting your bank (eating at cafes for lunch, even just for yourself, can be pricey), find ways to do the same with other coworkers.

Soon, you will be considered the "friendly bagel and lunch guy" at work. At this point, a few of your coworkers might agree to visit your home for dinner. ...Or not. NTs are fickle about others with whom they socialize. In that case, remember that you did all you could to help them like you. It isn't your fault that they aren't friendlier to you.

With a little adjustment, this method works in almost any friendship, not just among coworkers. Good luck!

I definitely have this problem and I wish I had an answer. I'm trying to start small ("are you going to this event, maybe we could go together" instead of "let's hang out at my place"), but in college, there's not much to do. Meal plans and class times make it hard to plan to eat together, and there aren't that many places to just hang out, especially if the weather is bad.

I'm like Eleanor Rigby. Nobody is coming to my funeral.

I know this feeling. For me, it's more of a fear of people dropping out at the last minute. At the time, they're like 'Yeah let's do it' and then like a day/few hours/etc before the event, I get a message saying 'sorry I can't make it anymore.' It sucks.

But the good news is, I have learned who my true friends are. I know which ones will always come through for me, and which ones I can leave alone. The result is I only have a few friends, but the ones I have are incredibly valuable. I much prefer this to having a wide bunch of acquaintances who don't really care.