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Boundaries and friends

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DrowningOutTheDarkness
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08 Mar 2017, 1:49 pm

I have a friend who will not leave me alone! I want friends but I need and like to be alone a lot of the time. She will call (up to 20 times a day) and text even when I have told her I need to be alone. Am I just perceiving this wrong or is this on her Please help! Thank you!


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Last edited by DrowningOutTheDarkness on 08 Mar 2017, 3:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Campin_Cat
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08 Mar 2017, 2:22 pm

No, IMO, this is all on HER. I've gotten the feeling that, at least, ONE of the reasons why NTs are like this (not accepting that you wanna be alone), is because they can't understand the concept, in-the-LEAST (that someone would WANT / choose to be alone). I've gotten the feeling that sometimes they're constantly needing validation----or that, contact with someone, MAKES them, or something, if you know what I mean (like, they're not a BEING, until someone is communicating with them).

I dunno----but, I certainly understand where you're coming-from; if somebody did that to ME, I'd go NUTS!!






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kraftiekortie
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08 Mar 2017, 2:37 pm

I would be scared of a person who has to call 20 times a day. I would think there's "a screw loose" somewhere.

And....if a person wants to know where I am, where I have been, and where I'm going to go next, I'd make my business to try to avoid the person in the future.



Summer_Twilight
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08 Mar 2017, 8:29 pm

I used to have a relationship like there where a friend called me excessively. She was also very controlling and it got worse towards the end of our friendship. She would flip out every time I got together with other people or had something going on. She would manipulate me by sending me constant text about how I should spend time with her. I had tried to set boundaries with her many times and she didn't listen next to making excuses why she refused to stop. "Well you never call me." After about 8 years, I cut the relationship loose because she just would not leave me alone one night. I did this by giving her a warning that if she didn't stop calling, I would call the police.

If she continues to call you like that, let her know that her excessive calling is getting to the level of harassment. The more she calls, the less you want to talk to her. Let her know that if you two are going to be friends that you need her to limit her calling. If she continues, call the police.