Making Friends - Starting From Scratch

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Imagination caps So, you're in a position where you have no friends anywhere near you. Internet doesn't count. I don't know how to make friends on the internet, anyway. So, what are the possible ways of getting friends? It it actually possible? Where do you go first? Perhaps printing a t-shirt with "I need friends please" in big bright letters might help? How does it happen? And in particular, searching for YOUNG PEOPLE

Last edited by rmgh on 07 Jul 2010, 3:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

If I could answer your question I would have friends.

So, maybe nobody knows.

Getting friends, starting from scratch, takes effort on your part. Potential friends very rarely just knock on your door. If you want to find potential friends, you must try to find people with interests similar to your own. Try joining an activity that you may find interesting. Examples: If you like sport, join a sports group. If you like trains, join a club for train enthusiasts. If you like to sing, join a choir.
This will not guarantee that you make friends, but at least it's a start.

Haha, you got this from an eHow or WikiAnswers page didn't you!

Good tips nonetheless. It's what I would've said.

Whether that is true that Jaydee got it from eHow or WikiAnswers, or not, I think he is right. Another way of getting friends, and you are already in a crowded area where you don't know anyone, is commenting something that you and other one are seeing or watching at that moment.

Another way are group travels. I have been a member of a travel group that went from the Netherlands to Berlin. I was the only autistic, but they were all friendly to me. On a certain point, I met 2 NT women that I joined a few times to visiting interesting spots in Berlin. We are sorta friends until the stay in Berlin ended. Those 2 NT women know each other for 45 years, and I often had to smile and giggle about the way they behave to each other. They made me think of Laurel and Hardy. The one is funny and the other acted seriously. They often smile to eachother, so that it is clear that there is no real argument. I found it very funny to watch.

But how do you get away with having no friends and not seem desperate? Young people are all content with the friends they have, why would they want to speak to someone with no friends?

I've always played out that scenario in my mind; it's nothing unthought of my friend.
All you have to do is not think about it and you will feel less anxious.
People that assume that sort of desperation about you are not worth your time. People that don't even give it a second thought are.

Do peeps think it is easier to make friends at a younger age or older? Pushing people away seems to be a special strength of mine and it often feels the older I get the harder it is to make friends.

Ha ha! No, actually I didn't get this from anywhere but from myself and my own experience. I had no idea eHow and WikiAnswers offered solutions to such "vague" issues as how to make friends. But it's nice to hear that they do, though.

I'd imagine it would be harder when you get older. But then maybe it depends. I have never been good at making friends, so maybe I will learn more as I get older.

Being "involved" with people is only the first step.

I have joined clubs and go out to do activities I enjoy. I comment on mutually observed things. I can "chat" with strangers about things like the weather, their children, the beautiful scenery, or whatever else is happening around us.

It's taking things to that next level that I don't know how to do. For example, I have a neighbor and maybe we would be friends but I can't tell. We always have nice conversations when both of us are outside our apartments. I loaned her some of my DVDs when we were talking about movies and I said "wait here and I'll go get you something you'd like." When she returned it, she left it outside the door of my apartment.

I never know how to take things to the next level of friendship. I don't know when it would be appropriate to knock on her door "just to visit" so I never do it. Now the landlord put up a locking fence at the end of the yard so I don't even see her casually for conversations any more because she's behind that fence. The only time I will see her now is when I go out through the back door to get my bicycle (which is not behind the locked fence) to bring it down the stairs into the basement, through the hall, and up the stairs out the front door so I can ride it. If she happens to be in her yard when I get my bicycle, I can have a conversation with her if I'm not in a hurry to get where I'm going.

This is the closest I've come lately to having a friend and I'm stuck at "casual chat and say hello when we see each other" level because I don't know how to take that next step.

The last friend I had was several years ago on campus and she is the one who took it past the chat level by asking if I would meet her for coffee and things like that. Once she graduated, though, she disappeared and I don't see her any more. We are Facebook friends but I never know what to say in her facebook and she never says anything in my facebook so I don't even know what level of friendship we're at any more.

All the advice about making friends says "go out and do things you enjoy and join clubs" but no one ever says what to do to take things to the next level without being pushy or offensive or trying to make friends with someone who doesn't want it (because I don't know how to tell if someone wants to take friendship to the next level unless they initiate it.)

to the question 'why would people with friends want to meet someone new' I mention, I know some extroverted people who already have tons of friends and yet always LOVE meeting new people. They socialize with delight getting to know new friends.

To others not knowing how to become better friends-- yeah, people have initiated friendships with ME and I'm grateful but I really don't have skill the other way around, even at this point in life. I'm lucky some people sought me out.

I agree with Sparrowrose. I feel like I can meet people and make acquantances, but I can't go beyond that initial contact and develop friendships, whether casual or deeper. How does one go beyond the initial superficial contact and make friends. I tend to lose my contacts with people when either my life or their situation changes. It's frustrating because I see NTs who can quickly make connections with people and develop that into casual friendships. I am the last person that people think about to call and hang out with.

I read once that in the UK there are government workers called befrienders whose job is to go along to social events with people on the spectrum and help them negotiate the development of friendships. I sure wish that were available to me here in the U.S.!

I have joined a couple of clubs in the city where I live but I have only made one friend in the 3 years I have been here. I really don't have any idea on how to form a friendship. I just don't have those skills.
I have never been able to go beyond acquaintances and make friends with people and yet other people can make that initial connection. Even acquaintances that I have met don't ring or call and I am usually doing things on my own.
Joining clubs doesn't guarantee you friends but it's a start.