Living in a new country/culture - fitting in

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Hi guys,

I live in Singapore, and being an Aspie in Singapore is quite easy. Our society is quite reserved as a whole, and everyone minds their own business. As a society we are quite focused on education, work, and family. However, there is also a lot of stress on the children, the cost of living is spiraling out of control, and I think the quality of life is suffering.

I am seriously considering a move to somewhere with a slower pace of life. But being an asian aspie, I worry that I can’t fit in with the new society. For example, a lot of Singaporeans migrate to Australia, which is a beautiful country with a good quality of life. But western culture tends to be more extroverted than asian culture, and I’m worried about that aspect. Will I be expected to socialize more, have dinner parties, etc? Will I be able to fit in at the workplace?

I admit I don’t know much about western culture, but I do work with an expat from the west. I constantly hear from him about his dinner parties, him going for a beer with mates after work, fishing trips and so on. Whenever he asks about my weekend, it’s always the same answer – I stayed at home with the kids.

Many people in Western countries live quiet, home-oriented lifestyles. Some people might rib you about it a little bit, but it's totally OK and you should be able to function here just fine.

In the United States, in most areas, people generally go about their own lives. As a foreigner, you can expect people to ask you a few questions pertaining to where you are from, what you do for a living, and why you decided to move here, as well as some things about Singapore, because they consider such things polite to ask and are usually a bit curious about other cultures. You might also be asked if you are married or have kids, but generally people don't delve much beyond that. I've never been invited to a dinner party, nor have I ever given one, and I know few people who have.

Some individuals are more social than others and will seek out and create social events but most Americans actually only have a relatively small group of actual friends, and those who are married and raising families are usually preoccupied with that.

In some areas, particularly suburban or rural areas of the south, people tend to be a little more neighborly and might invite neighbors over to a BBQ, however it's not unusual in most areas for people to not know most of their neighbors, particularly in urban areas, and may only give a brief hello in passing, if that.

In fact, it's not uncommon for people to attempt to avoid their neighbors in many areas, because they are preoccupied with their own lives and don't care to "chit chat".

Concerning the work place, co-workers are expected to socialize with each other to various degrees. Americans tend to smile a lot compared to those in other cultures, and if you do not smile and bother to make a basic attempt at social interaction, you could be deemed as unfriendly. At the very least, you are generally expected to greet another co-worker with a smile, a hello, and perhaps a "How are you today?", upon encountering them for the first time that day.

Some co-workers might attempt to be-friend you or find out more about you as a person, since they do have to spend most of their waking life with you. Different offices have different cultures and in some offices the single individuals may go out together for lunch, or after work, but this is a highly variable thing and I think going out to socialize with co-workers after work is less common than more common.

Most people prefer to go home after work.

While I don't know if there are many Singaporean communities in the US, many major cities have considerable Asian communities, such as areas called "China Town", "Korea Town" or "Little Tokyo".

I don't know about Australia but basically what Chronos said about the US rings true in my experience. You might (if you're like me) get uncomfortable with the questions but it's just some people's way of trying to be friendly. There are just as many introverts as there are those who are extroverted. Anyway I've never really felt like I fit in anywhere except...oh dear..this place.

Last edited by MissConstrue on 26 Jan 2012, 10:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

There are introverts in every culture. This particular guy is quite social. I've lived all my life (50 years) in the U.S.A. and have never been invited to a beer fest or dinner party. I used to ride a train to work and I would listen to everybody's weekend activities and was EXHAUSTED by all the banter. My life is dull but I'm happy. I'm not asian. I used to go to my son's ball games where there were quite a lot of asians who constantly talked about their social life. Being social is an individual choice. It has nothing to do with race or country. I remember my history teacher from grade school being shocked that I was so quiet for a black person. I'm really bi-racial (black/white). My mother was black and was very reserved and quiet. My father was a complete extrovert.

I was also born and raised in Asia, but later I went to US.
This is hard, but there are really supportive people. Physicians, teachers at school, friends who try to understand you and contain with you. Being in a brand new country made me step out of my comfort zone and be an almost normal but unique human being.

If there is a reason for you to go, then go for it.