Is my friend being creepy or is he just very friendly?

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aloofdeer
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19 Apr 2017, 11:25 am

Hello, after I graduated from high school I kept in contact with a former teacher on Facebook. He's a nice guy and I was a good student in his class so he wanted to know what I've been up to. He's been helping me a lot by editing my creative writing works and giving me advice and encouraging me to do things.

I told my mother about this and she thinks it's super creepy and that he could be a possible predator but I don't quite understand where she is coming from. He's never "made a move" on me so to speak and he's always be respectful and friendly although he does invite me to go fishing with him at his lake a lot and this is where I can kind of see my mother's point. I don't think he's the type to try anything like that though, I think he's just genuinely being friendly.

I've visited him in person a few times and he's never done anything sleazy. Just made friendly conversation. If he was a murderer he would have killed me by now and wouldn't have wasted all his time helping me.

Is what he is doing normal? I'm an adult now and no longer a student so it doesn't violate any boundaries. I think I just need to hear some opinions from others. Do you think what he's doing is creepy?



slw1990
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20 Apr 2017, 9:07 pm

Your mom probably thinks that he might be a predator because of the age difference, if he's much older. Also, if he's going out of his way to help you he might be trying to bargain with you and have bad intentions.



nurseangela
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20 Apr 2017, 11:01 pm

Creepy.


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Ignotum
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20 Apr 2017, 11:33 pm

Its likely that your mom is simply making a big deal out of it because she doesn't understand the full situation, and just interpreted the age difference as creepy. If you by your own judgement think he has no harmful intent, then that should hopefully be enough to sooth your mother about the situation. However, I would also look at anything he does, or has done, with a critical eye in the future.



smudge
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21 Apr 2017, 12:11 am

It's not normal. Teachers generally don't keep in contact with their students, especially that intimately. Taking you out fishing a lot is a bad sign too.

You're only 19 and barely into adulthood, so you would still look young. It doesn't matter to him that you're no longer a student.

It's creepy. He is already pushing boundaries. It may not happen now, but it sounds like he's building up your trust of him. He is being especially nice to you so you trust him. Eww.


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Ignotum
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21 Apr 2017, 12:44 am

smudge wrote:
It's not normal. Teachers generally don't keep in contact with their students, especially that intimately. Taking you out fishing a lot is a bad sign too.

You're only 19 and barely into adulthood, so you would still look young. It doesn't matter to him that you're no longer a student.

It's creepy. He is already pushing boundaries. It may not happen now, but it sounds like he's building up your trust of him. He is being especially nice to you so you trust him. Eww.


Well, now that you say it like that, it could be something quite sinister going on, but I don't really have enough information to concretely say whether he is a potential predator or not. I'll leave the OP to decide whenever he returns.

However, as a question to the OP, did you ever mention to him or others that you're an aspie? If you did, that would certainly make me more suspicious as then he would know you weren't as perceptive in social situations and it would be easier for him to do something... well, creepy.



aloofdeer
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21 Apr 2017, 7:52 am

Ignotum wrote:
smudge wrote:
It's not normal. Teachers generally don't keep in contact with their students, especially that intimately. Taking you out fishing a lot is a bad sign too.

You're only 19 and barely into adulthood, so you would still look young. It doesn't matter to him that you're no longer a student.

It's creepy. He is already pushing boundaries. It may not happen now, but it sounds like he's building up your trust of him. He is being especially nice to you so you trust him. Eww.


Well, now that you say it like that, it could be something quite sinister going on, but I don't really have enough information to concretely say whether he is a potential predator or not. I'll leave the OP to decide whenever he returns.

However, as a question to the OP, did you ever mention to him or others that you're an aspie? If you did, that would certainly make me more suspicious as then he would know you weren't as perceptive in social situations and it would be easier for him to do something... well, creepy.


Lately I've begun to feel more uncomfortable and I feel like I should be distancing myself. He does know I'm an aspie and very awkward and don't really understand social situations so he may be using it to his advantage. I don't want to view him as a bad guy but i'll try to distance myself.



alpacka
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21 Apr 2017, 8:27 am

Quote:
Lately I've begun to feel more uncomfortable and I feel like I should be distancing myself. He does know I'm an aspie and very awkward and don't really understand social situations so he may be using it to his advantage. I don't want to view him as a bad guy but i'll try to distance myself.


This could be the thing, he knows you are an aspie so he can say and do whatever he wants to (you will get it too late anyway). Doesn´t mean that I thinking this about you, but maybe he does.
But I don´t know, I´m a aspie as well but I do think some people just like other people in a friendly way, all of them is not creepy or dangerous. Maybe this person had a tough time in his life and feel he can relate to you, maybe you have some difficulties in your home so he want to be there for you? I don´t know.

How old is this man and do you have something special in common? Like fishing or something that requires special knowledge? Fishing is not very social either, you don´t stand close to each other and you can barely talk for hours, maybe he thought this could be good to you, it´s a calm, concentrated sport.


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fluter
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21 Apr 2017, 9:04 am

Hard to know....it might be that he knows you're an aspie and wants to support you in your transition into adulthood (which is a really tough time!) But it also might mean he's creepy and trying to build your trust. I would definitely NOT go fishing with him, because that is too isolated; it puts you into a very vulnerable position.

I would say this is a good test:

If he has good intentions he won't ask you again after you've said no to fishing (or any other isolating activity that he presents) a couple times, and you can continue corresponding regarding your writing, and maybe enjoy a mutually beneficial writing-related relationship. If he has bad intentions, he'll keep bugging you on it, or get very upset when you reject him. Then, you can know for sure that your mother was right, and end all correspondence.