They're my friends so you can't hang out with them.

Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

specialsauce
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 21 Nov 2013
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 170
Location: London

14 Apr 2017, 7:37 am

When I ask one of my friends to tag along to something they're going to they say I can't come because it's just for their other friends not for me. What am I supposed to understand by this? Also how do you meet people if your friends won't let you meet their friends? Life must be pretty harsh right? How does anyone meet anyone?



aloofdeer
Raven
Raven

Joined: 19 Mar 2016
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 111

14 Apr 2017, 9:11 am

This seems pretty harsh and rude of your friends to me. Do they always treat you this way? It's not fair to you to be excluded from activities for no valid reason.



the_phoenix
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,489
Location: up from the ashes

15 Apr 2017, 12:38 pm

Here are a few good videos I've found on the subject.







AngryAngryAngry
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 11 Feb 2016
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 496
Location: New Zealand

18 Apr 2017, 12:54 am

They don't sound like genuine friends.
They may be embarassed of you. Appears it could be a clique too.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,247

26 Apr 2017, 9:31 am

It is amazing how many people associate with us and call us their friends or claim to do so but pull mean and nasty things like this. It's actually a form of BULLYING. Most people who do this have something wrong with themselves and feel insecure. It also shows that you probably have a quality about yourself that your friend wants. So they are probably scared that their friends are going to abandon them for you.

I was in a relationship with another women who was much older than I was for 8 years. She was always telling me that
Examples-
1. Her dad said that I was cute but that I needed to work on myself - (She had a poor relationship with him because they had nothing in common)
2. One of her friends was supposedly mad that she brought to a couple of gatherings and didn't like me because I dominated the conversation, was too bubbly, and liked being the center of attention.
3. She invited me to a cookout at her father's house before taking it away again when I confirmed. She came back with this fishy story that one of their family friends was having seizures and they were afraid that my "Dominating the conversation" would set a seizure off. (I know that was a lie).
4. She told me one time that one of her friends loved me but sometimes I got on their nerves
5. She also told me that her husband often complained about me all the time and didn't want us to be friends and didn't
like it when she invited me over because I kept getting mad at her. She isolated and turned a guy who I had a crush on against me.

After our friendship was over, she told me again that her husband doesn't like me and I said to her, "I was afraid that you were the only one who didn't like me," and she got really quiet for about 5 minutes.

In fact, I don't think I have fully recovered from what she has pulled along with admitting that I am mad at her for being a jerk to me. However, I am learning to move on and live with it because I learned that she was a negative person with somewhat of a small mind and lots of insecurity.



Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 26 Apr 2017, 12:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

lazyflower
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 4 Sep 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 136

26 Apr 2017, 9:43 am

Is said friend on the spectrum? If so, it might have something to do with it, since some people on the spectrum prefer to stick to plans as they were originally made and not mix things up. If they don't have these problems, I'd say they are just being rude and not a very good friend.

I'd also say it depends on how things otherwise are between you. If they are good, I think it's more likely that they just don't like to make changes in their plans. But if things are rocky, it might not be a good sign.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,247

26 Apr 2017, 12:41 pm

The best thing to do would be to focus on your special interests and maybe get involved in something revolving around that area like in volunteering.

An example for me is that I am a huge fan of cats and they just opened one of two cat cafes a month ago. So, I tend to go and play with cats and talk with others who are just as passionate about cats.

When it comes to your friend I would tell them, "I completely respect your personal space and your relationships with your other friends. However, I really would like to meet them as I am attempting to get to know some new people. Is there a reason why you have a problem with us associating?" Also ask them if you do do things that bother them that you would like to work on though I think they are being mean to leave you out like that.