Interpreting social cues with women

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The title says it all. How can I know what a girl means by her body langauge/eye contact?

For some reason I have this weird idea that if a girl consistently says hi when she sees me and makes eye contact with me (but not me with her of course), then she likes me.

I am confused and I would like to avoid having to describe particular situations I have been in as they can take a long time to type out (but I can if necessary).

Any people (women especially) on this forum want to help me out here?

I am 16 by the way.

Well, talking from personal experience as a female... I know that when I want to try to get a guy to notice me I will say hi alot. I'm not good with eye contact either since I'm AS, but I will watch the guy when he's not looking at me if I like him. In the case that the girl who likes you isn't AS, if she is making eye contact alot and saying hi chances are she does like you and wants you to notice her. It could also just be curiosity or her background, some families are more touchy-feely than others. I know that a friend of my grandmother who is from greece is just very in your face and also says hi alot and tries to make eye contact. Nine times out of ten though if it isn't cultural, then the girl likes you.

I wanted to reply to your post in case you aren't JUST looking for responses from aspies. I'm a neurotypical. For me, I show my interest in guys by looking them in the eye a lot, laughing at their jokes, complimenting them more than I compliment other people, getting closer physically to them then I would to just any other guy (by this I mean sitting next to them in class even if there is another open seat I could easily take.. etc). I try to make it obvious I'm listening to what they have to say. I would say any kind of unprecipitated touch is a good sign the other party is interested in you, too, even if it's something as small as "Can I touch your hair?" or a playful slap on the arm.

Then again, maybe I'm the only person who shows their interest like that?... =p

Don't look for a girl who communicates through body language. Find someone who is willing to tell you exactly what they want to express as articulately as is necessary, and as lengthy as is necessary to convey whatever is meant. Just my opinion.

Don't have advice. But Good Luck!! !

Don't ask me. I'm female and I still don't understand it. (Being lesbian, I don't even get it when another girl is hitting on me until they actually tell me so.) ugh

If there was some kind of road map or other device that could help me decode all the unspoken subtleties communicated by NT's, I would most certainly welcome it and study it.

At my age (mid 40's) I've gotten much better at navigating social situations but that comes from years of trial and error. Accepting my AS as part of my being has helped a lot too but so far, I feel like I just touched the tip of the iceberg. There is still much to be learned.

For me, the first thing in meeting women is whether I can easily chat up with her and continue to be myself all along without putting up a façade. It doesn't happen to me that often. OTOH, if I'm too tongue-tied with her, I know my own imposing tendencies and I will be inclined to back off, try not to be too abrupt about it, but keep an "open door" to any interraction she might offer.

A lot of my better friends are women and for the most part, that's the way I prefer. Before my Dx, I was married to a NT woman who didn't understand my condition (and I didn't know about it at the time) and the marriage failed.

As for us Aspies, that's just the way it is. In a nutshell, we are scary to most NT's and our success rate in the dating game just doesn't match with theirs. Educating the public might change it some day.

I would not discount falling in love and marrying again but it is a two way street. Now I know what AS is and I have accepted as part of me. The better half will have to be understanding and accepting.

Just my 2c worth.

I think if a girl says hi alot and makes a lot of eye contact, she probably does like you.

But there are different kinds of "like," and that's what gets confusing.

Maybe she feels comfortable with you because she trusts you not to "hit on" her. That's one kind of "like." Or maybe she wishes you would ask her for a date. That's a different kind of "like." Or maybe it's some in-between kind of "like."

It's probably safest to say hi to her (you say hi first sometimes!) and look for some general kinds of things to discuss with her. Have some pleasant conversations first, before worrying about where the friendship might lead.

It generally is a problem in younger years to know whether or not friendliness should be taken as 'something more'. I was never any good at it and the girls I was attracted to were not interested in me in one iota.

I can't offer meaningful advice at all, but I would have to say that Trial & Error are the keywords here. So far as I can tell, almost everyone becomes more successful at this game if they stick at it. I gave up playing this game at the age of 19 when I realised that Operant Conditioning only works when there is reward stimulus as well as failure.

On another point, it has often puzzled me as to how others apparently do know how to 'play the game', for game is surely what it is. I used to make unfavourable comparisons between myself and those boys who were successful in this and I internalised a great deal of resentment. To compensate for this, I presumed myself to be somehow superior and that made it bearable. Also, once you get out of your teenage years or early 20's, there is far less societal pressure to conform in this way and denigratory references to one's sexual focus appear to dry up, or at least get subsumed under the general consensus of one's being 'weird'.

After such a long and tiresome perambulation around the issues, I should sum it up 'in a nutshell', so to speak: Basically, the dating arena is a minefield of misinterpretation, hidden agendas and confusion for anyone who takes part in it, whether they have AS/ASD or not.

My advice on understanding women... give up. *joke* I can sometimes understand women from a third person perspective, but not when upon myself.

We as Aspies, tend to be very logical. Everything has a reason and a purpose. NT women are quite the opposite, they are emotional. Where we do something for a logical reason - to achieve something - women will tend to do something because it makes them feel better emotionally.

She says hi because she will feel better doing so. She is being open and social (which is a good trait she can be proud of), she might like you as a friend and wishes to greet you (likes talking to friends. She might say hi because she has a romantic interest and she wants to break the ice for you.

Now if she's saying hi, and touching you, she definitely likes you. Romantic or friendly like, can't tell, but if it's soft, I would lean (on a wild hunch) toward romantic. But nowhere enough for me to seriously consider it over friendly. Same goes for if she laughs at your jokes. Basically, the score of Friends vs Romance is nil all.

I suppose if you want to find out, maybe the best way is to ask her. If you can determine that she 'likes' you, as opposed to just saying hi out of politeness, you're risks are minimal. Perhaps tell her you that you think you get along well, and if she's interested in going out. If she likes you as a friend, she ought to turn you down politely. She wouldn't want to end a friendship like that, unless she is a *Female dog* who places no value on human connection, and therefore not worth knowing.

Of course this only applies if you've been chatting a while, and you seem to get along. If she sparks a conversation with you (as in brings up a topic to discuss when you meet), you can be fairly sure she likes you (again friends or romantic, unsure).

My imagination for worst case scenario, if she says no (which as I said should be polite), say that you just enjoy her company and are happy being friends, and that you're fine with that if she is.

Of course, being an Aspie, I could just be all wrong...