I sit in my car and scream through gritted teeth

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I can't control it. It feels terrible. I feel like a failure. Whenever I think I've done poorly on a test or in a social situation, I go to my car. Sometimes I can't make it that far, so I hide in the bathroom and scream into the toilet paper roll. I feel like a loser. Why can't I just not have a screaming fit? Why can't I control my own body? Why can't anyone else understand when they find out I do this? I have nobody to talk to. It's so much worse because I have to hide to prevent being approached by some well-meaning person who doesn't understand and who will just make it worse by interacting with me. Does anyone else have spontaneous screaming fits that drain your soul?

I don't really raise my voice anymore except in my imagination. I think going to the car to scream sounds cathartic, it sounds smart. Go in there, have a good scream, then feel better? It's not going to hurt anyone.

Sounds like me when I was a kid.

Everybody has ways of letting out emotions. Some cry, some scream, some punch pillows, some go running, some swear, etc. There's nothing wrong with it as long as it doesn't disrupt other people. Let yourself scream if you have to. A little bit of catharsis can help stop you from getting to a point where you hurt yourself or others.