Eye contact practice

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So I am going to spend time with my family in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, a very touristy area. And I figured maybe I could use the week to practice eye contact with people that work down there (cashiers, servers, you know, people that get paid to make eye contact). Now, I don't know how long to ideally make eye contact, I don't want to overdo it and come off like I am flirting, I just want to come out of my shell some. Now some of the people could be 15-20 years younger than me. If that's the case, should I make my eye contact more minimal than someone say closer my age? (again, I don't want to come off as a flirt, especially that age, that would be creeptastic). And finally, would eye contact with random tourists be a good idea? I'm thinking no, but maybe I am wrong? I'd like to know your thoughts. Thank you!

I've been trying harder at this too! I'm no expert, but these are my opinions...

From my experience, it seems that holding eye contact works well when in any kind of personal conversation. Probably not something you would get into with the cashier at the store, but more like when the conversation is THE thing that you both are doing, not like when you're chatting while doing another thing. Other settings call for brief eye contact. For example, at the grocery store, I think eye contact at the beginning of the exchange (when the cashier greets you) would be great, but then you don't have to try to hold it because the cashier will be looking at the stuff he's ringing and you'll be looking at your money or credit card. Talking during that time is good

I think that making eye contact allows the conversation to become more "deep" and lets people feel like you care about what they say and actually WANT to know the answer. The topic of the conversation doesn't have to be "deep" per say, you could talk about weather or tv commercials, but it's the eye contact tells the person that you're interested in their opinions. I think this is appropriate with friends and acquaintances, but maybe not with strangers so much UNLESS you're somewhere like a waiting room, a buss, or waiting in line for something and you know you're going to be next to the person for a while.

Yes, I would say probably be cautious talking with younger girls or boys just because people are suspicious these days and rightfully so. If you can have someone with you, such as your kid cousin, younger female friend or relative, or elderly friend or relative, I think that could probably help if you're worried about coming off as creepy...

I live 10 minutes from Gatlinburg and go all of the time!! We might even see each other in passing but have no clue what each other looks like so will never know.

Whenever I have to make eye contact I often look right in between there eyes or at there nose. For some reason that's less awkward and I feel like they never notice.

Yeah that is true, they don't make much eye contact because they are multitasking. Holding a conversation is something else I have a lot of trouble with!



Quite possibly!



Yeah! I've heard of that trick before. The people down there seem pretty friendly and chill for the most part, so I thought about taking a casual glance at someone walking by just to see if they look back at me. Nothing too creepy or intimidating. Just as a self-confidence/get out of comfort zone type thing.

Funny story though. I accidentally made eye contact with the guy outside of Ripley's Haunted Adventures once, so he stared at me for a good minute until I was out of his view lol. That was really unnerving

I also look at people's noses, or eyebrows or foreheads.

With servers, it's okay to make eye contact whenever they talk to you, especially if you are at a dine-in restaurant.

Generally in the south, strangers are friendlier. So if you're passing someone on the street or while entering/exiting a store, if you see them make eye contact with you, it's okay to look at them and say hello or good morning, etc. In bigger cities, I usually wait for passing strangers to greet me first. This is a small amount of eye contact you can practice anywhere.

I never understood why it's considered "eye contact" and proper when you're having a conversation and "staring" and rude when you're not. It's all really staring, isn't it? The only difference is you're staring at each other and talking as opposed to one person staring at the other. That's why it's weird for me no matter what the setting. Seems a double standard.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy your practice and your vacation. I've driven through Gatlinburg and it seems like a nice place to relax.

I also have difficulty with I contact and I try to practise but it goes wrong. I look at peoples' foreheads or noses instead

I also look at people's noses, or eyebrows or foreheads.

With servers, it's okay to make eye contact whenever they talk to you, especially if you are at a dine-in restaurant.

Generally in the south, strangers are friendlier. So if you're passing someone on the street or while entering/exiting a store, if you see them make eye contact with you, it's okay to look at them and say hello or good morning, etc. In bigger cities, I usually wait for passing strangers to greet me first. This is a small amount of eye contact you can practice anywhere.

I never understood why it's considered "eye contact" and proper when you're having a conversation and "staring" and rude when you're not. It's all really staring, isn't it? The only difference is you're staring at each other and talking as opposed to one person staring at the other. That's why it's weird for me no matter what the setting. Seems a double standard.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy your practice and your vacation. I've driven through Gatlinburg and it seems like a nice place to relax.
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precious lil "people" have had the nerve to tell me "what the f**k you looking @, man?". when it turned out, that boy and i were both waiting outside, to start work at the same job. and i was not trying to be "looking" @ him, but i was not trying to avoid looking either.

last week, at Home Depot, on my way out, someone kept making noise or talking. so turned around to see who it was and what he was trying to say. did not know if he was talking to me. did not know if he worked there. then he had the nerve to tell me that i was wrong for looking @ him. (in so many words). and "i break yo jaw" (as punishment for the felony of wrongfully looking @ him, when he was talking).

and i briefly considered tattling to the security guard, but i had no videotape. and it would have been illegal to take a videotape. and illegally taken videotapes are not admissible in court.

so, what if the security guard did not believe me?

besides, for all i knew, maybe the boy was having sex with the security guard.

as an autist, there are an unlimited number of things neurotypicals, especially extroverts, can easily do. that i have no clue what response to give. or even when to give a response altogether.

and then i walked down a different aisle. he did not follow me.

but seriously, i did not wanna tattle. even if the security guard believed me, the security guard would've just asked me a lot of questions.

and besides, security guards do not have a legal right to arrest someone. furthermore security guards are not mandated reporters.

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having said that, five years ago, in Interpersonal Communication Skills class, on that day, we arranged the desks in a circle. each student took turns making a presentation. the instructor called a break. so i left the room. when i got back, (and it was still breaktime), the instructor told me to go outside and talk to her.

when i went outside, she had the nerve to tell me that i failed to make eye contact with "that girl" and that that was "unsupportive".

and then i told her i was autistic.

she had the nerve to tell me that the Office of Students with Disabilities did not arrange accommodations for me.

it's like what ?

accommodations are things like getting someone to take notes for you, testing accommodations, and et cetera.

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in all of the above situations, i was too cowardly to say anything.

and for that i am ashamed profoundly.

but whatever.

the moral of the story, is that when someone told me i made too much eye contact, they gave me a punishment.

when someone told me i made too little contact, they gave me a punishment.

but nobody told me to only make 31 to 37 percent eye contact. nobody took a videotape of me and the precious lil "person" that i made too much eye contact with. nobody measured the angle of my ugly fat stupid head, with a protractor. then told me that i only moved my ugly fat stupid head 10 degrees, but making eye contact necessitated a full 35 degree turn.

seriously though

there ain't no objective, absolute, inherent, factually correct amount of eye contact.

you might make the same amount of eye contact, with each of the above listed three precious lil "people". and two of those precious lil "people" tell me it's too much eye contact. and one of the precious lil "people" told me it was not enough eye contact.

there is no law about the limit and quota of eye contact. nor no method of measuring it.

so seriously

make the amount of eye contact you naturally do

or whatever you think is right

b/c whatever you do

someone with a bigger ego

will have the nerve to tell you that it is wrong

and some of those precious lil "people" are adjunct instructors at community college