Socialising when you have no time or energy?
RetroGamer87
Veteran

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,115
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Ever since I started working full time I've been socialising less. I have a lot less free time but during the free time I do have I feel exhausted. What can I do?
On the weekends or evenings I feel like too much socialising would encroach on my housework or rest time. It's even worse when I'm studying after work or over the weekend because than socialising takes up my study time as well.
Part of the problem is that I have trouble being socially spontaneous. I don't usually see friends without a specific reason and I feel a little awkward sitting around in their house when I don't have a specific reason to be there.
Yet I think spending too much time on my own is worsening my depression. What should I do?
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The days are long, but the years are short
Well, I don't know what you have around you and what you like but I found a regular activity which
+ you like
+ requires moderate socializing
helps. The things I thought about were chess club, board games, fishing, some sports (I love sport climbing and need a partner there), singing in a choir, working on some amateur project... the point is to meet people about doing something together. That's much easier and less awkward than meeting people just to have social life.
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Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
magz is providing excellent advice above, which I fully back. I'd also like to add that, in my personal experience, it helps to divide your free time amongst your various activities, so you might be able to plan a social get-together within a set timeframe. When I went from a period of unemployment into a full-time job, I also found that I needed more alone-time in my off-hours and weekends. But now that I'm one year into my job, I can balance my me-time and my social time.
To give a bit of a vague example, you could save your house chores for Sunday, and then plan something with your friends on Saturday. Or just meet them on one random weekday evening (catch up, have some drinks), and then have your hands free and your mind rested during the weekend. TL;DR prioritize your personal time so you can unload, then see your friends in a pre-planned setting. And obviously it doesn't have to be every week (I have no close social circle, and sometimes a month or two passes that I see anyone in an off-work social setting).
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clarity of thought before rashness of action
Having a specific activity such as a class, club meeting, rehearsal, etc. always helps me with this issue. It can give you moderate socializing time, but since you gather to do a certain activity, the main focus will be on the activity and the socializing part will be lighter. In these settings, there's usually a range of acceptable interaction, so you can focus harder on the activity on the days when you have less energy for socializing, but you can be more social on days when you can handle it. Then you can also choose whether you want to linger afterwards or even try to invite people to go to dinner or ice cream or something after, or if you just want to go home. And both would be acceptable.
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