Just feeling lonely.

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In a weird place again with friends and myself... A few days ago one of them told me she felt she had less in common with me, and wasn't sure if we should discontinue writing. I took it the wrong way and just told her I've got too much stuff going on and I needed a break from her. I'm not sure I handled that well, but she pissed me off.

Now another one is saying that she understands if I don't want to write to her anymore. All she talks about is work and I don't relate. So I'm replying more slowly to her...

I tried really hard with all of my pen pals and felt my efforts were unappreciated. They just weren't talking about anything and I went along with it because I'm lonely. I feel like I don't know how to make friends with people. They don't like telling me about their lives. I try and open up about mine and they write less to me. Even with the people I do have stuff in common with, I don't feel connected to.

I know this'll pass but right now just feeling really weird and alone.

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If someone has everything in common with you then it's boring

Unity and diversity

But sometimes it just takes too much energy to satisfy two completely different parties' desires

Compromise

Negotiate

Tolerance

Boundary

Priority

What I find is that I tend to be cowardly and accept things I later regret

While others tend to be greedy and entitled and demand everything their way at all times

Thank you for replying, I agree too much in common just makes things boring. I think I'm still learning how to negotiate and compromise a bit more with people. I tend to think it's too hard to work things out and then give up. I'm trying to see if I can take a different approach.

It is very draining after a while, to keep things up. I'm gonna focus more on hobbies again. I feel like I miss doing my favorite activities by myself...

It sounds like you were hurt and were letting her know that you feel like she doesn't appreciate you so you set boundaries which is good.

I can relate as I have a similar situation with some extended family members of mine. They decided not to have anything to do with me because they want me to behave a certain way so that I will fit their mold. They also love to talk about themselves and love to get on their high horse. I would get anything but a Christmas card once a year boasting about their lives and how they are successful in one way or another. If I even tried to correspond, they ignored my letters. So I just wrote and sent them a letter explaining that I am letting them go because I felt like their cards were obligation because I sent a card first and that we didn't communicate otherwise so I told them that we don't need to send each other cards anymore if they can't seem to contact me otherwise.

Thank you for your reply Summer_Twilight. I can relate to your situation with family members, as I also have trouble with some family members too. I'm trying to learn how to speak up for myself and it makes some people uncomfortable.

I sent you a private message reply, thank you for reaching out to me. It made my day

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Usually I am too receptive. Too open to compromise. That makes me naive, cowardly, and open-minded

Almost everyone that I have ever interacted with is too stubborn. That makes them confident and arrogant

You have to know when to be receptive and when to be confident

Every situation is different

But it gets on my nerves how some precious lil "people" have the nerve to tell me "you should" or "you need to" and pompously expect to get everything they want immediately. Less they get callously self righteously angry

Then if and when it turns out that they were wrong, they do no fix the problem they caused. They do not waste the same amount of energy telling me they were wrong as the amount of energy they wasted telling me I was wrong. They often do not waste any energy whatsoever




And there is no law that says that they have to

So quite frankly wonder what society rejects about me now that there will be laws about ten years later mandating the passive aggressive tolerance of

But I don't know because I am not psychic

If I knew nobody would believe me, care, or understand

If they believed me, cared and understood, then what?

They have extremely limited authority to assist me

When they misunderstand me, they respond in ways that were unfavorable beyond imagination

For example in 2004 I started Gender Therapy. Not until 2012 did Equal Employment Opportunity Commission add "gender identity" to the list of protected status

Outside the lgbt center almost nobody was willing call me "he"

Someone had the nerve to tell me that it was "lying" for me to ask him to call me "he" instead of "she"



Now that it turns out that he was just homophobic, nobody had to even gimme a flimsy lil i'm sorry sir

So why should I ever voluntarily interact with anyone socially

You sure are welcome and you have a right to be sad about her suddenly dropping you as it sounds like a one-sided friendship where it was more about her than about you. I also can't stand it when people call us their "Friends" and then suddenly drop us because we have nothing in common.