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Raleigh
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16 Sep 2017, 5:23 pm

Someone I know has always been very critical of 'people like me' and my likes and interests, so after another one of their petty personal attacks I cut contact with them.
Since I did so they're saying they sent me a number of friendly messages and I ignored them.
Well, duh.

This person is extremely bigoted and not someone I would want to be friends with in any capacity, but I'm just wondering what is the reasoning behind their behaviour?
It seems odd that they would rubbish me then expect me to respond favourably to their messages.

Don't they know they're being an a***hole?
Is this the kind of thing that sociopaths do?
Or is it some kind of gaslighting?
I don't get it.


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B19
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16 Sep 2017, 5:29 pm

It's called "hoovering" Raleigh. People with sociopathic tendencies use it to retain connection with their targets.

Hoovering is a technique employed by manipulative people to suck their victims back into a relationship with them by exhibiting some positive behavior. It’s named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner because the hoovering narcissist not only desires to suck you back into the relationship, but will ultimately treat you like dirt.



Raleigh
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16 Sep 2017, 5:34 pm

^ I've never heard of that term before.
Interesting.

What exactly do they get out of it?
A boost to their ego?


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B19
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16 Sep 2017, 5:39 pm

They are targeting you for something called "narcissistic supply".

Here are some terms you might google if you are interested in the wider picture:

flying monkeys
hoovering
narcissistic supply
NPD manipulative behaviour



B19
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16 Sep 2017, 5:45 pm

I'm posting this link for anyone affected by similar experience:

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/2015/11/ ... p-victims/

It's a good website with a lot of resources for people traumatised by personal attacks from toxic types. Happens on WP from time to time, as it does on almost all large forums.



Raleigh
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16 Sep 2017, 6:47 pm

^ Thanks for that, B19.
I understand now.

It really confuses me when people behave like this person does because to me it seems so irrational and self-defeating.
It plays on my mind.


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B19
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16 Sep 2017, 6:53 pm

As we all know, iron filings are attracted to magnets. And in life the worst narcissists are magnetically drawn to attack and smear the least narcissistic of people. So it's protective to know how to recognise the modus operandi of the narcs.