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darkphantomx1
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02 Sep 2015, 9:23 pm

1. You come off as unfriendly and you're an as*hole to others.

No one is going to like you if you yell at them or insult them all the time, that's called being an as*hole. If someone walks up to you and says hello and you say something like Get Away From Me or IM BUSY or What Do You Want?! Of course no one is going to like you. You may not be an as*hole at all, you're just the type of guy who isn't a friendly social guy.


2. You come off as strange and odd to others.

You never laugh at others jokes, all you want to talk about is your own weird interests, you're nerdy and appear aloof to others. Now don't get me wrong, just because you're this way doesn't mean you can't make friends. You just may not be able to get along with many neurotypicals because of the way you think and behave.


3. You hardly talk to anyone.

Being too shy is never a good thing for making friends. You are a lone wolf and prefer to sit in the corner doing your own thing rather then interacting with others. Remember that it's far easier to make friends if you're outgoing and social.


4. You never initiate to be friends.

If you're interested in someone, you never try to get their phone number or ask to hangout. If you want a friend, then you have to be a friend.


5. You simply haven't met the right people yet.

Maybe your passion is video games and everyone around you is big into sports and hates video games. How can you be friends with someone you have no similarities to?


6. You don't want any friends.

Screw making friends! I'm a lone wolf, I will just sit on my computer all day watching anime and playing video games. You're the type of person who doesn't need friends to be happy.



Earthling
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03 Sep 2015, 3:03 am

1. You come off as unfriendly and you're an as*hole to others.
Yes indeed, I try to look angry so that people don't even think about talking to me.
To some extent I AM an as*hole. :evil: I don't know how to be friendly. If I try to, I sound stupid and immature. :|


2. You come off as strange and odd to others.
True story man. I just can't relate to people who talk about topics I've no idea about. Like relationships.
Although... if I like someone I'm sometimes willing to listen. :wink:
There is a weird feeling I get when I see people, like I'll never belong.
Uni setting: In the morinings I would enter the room and greet nobody, try to avoid eye contact and get to my seat.
DAMN odd.


3. You hardly talk to anyone.
At home, all day every day.
When I went to uni I had my 1 buddy who I talked to, hardly anybody else. Some people I talked to, but only on a very surface level.
But I do look at people(!), just not when they are looking. :o


4. You never initiate to be friends.
I've done that like twice in my entire life, man.
But honestly it just doesn't feel safe to ask. :?


5. You simply haven't met the right people yet.
That's partially true. On the Internet I've met some people I really like.
At the same time I feel like I haven't put forward enough of an effort to get to know strangers.
Like I'm biased in the sense that they MUST be bad/stupid/annoying/boring.


6. You don't want any friends.
I want friends, but I don't know how to keep them and what is appropriate to do/talk about with them.
How to behave and belong. That's the big problem. I just don't know what to do, so I go away myself.
The simple notion that I will get into human contact gives me anxiety, too.


More reasons: my inability to speak properly, being overly self-consicous, having no topics to talk about, mind going blank all the time, distractability, bad eyes can't see facial expressions, sometimes I think I'm just damned to behave the way I do, and can't do s**t about it... and more...



Ben_Is_My_Only_God
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03 Sep 2015, 2:51 pm

I have absolutely no conception of what the word "Friend" is actually supposed to mean. I understand acquaintances and I understand people who are useful to me for various reasons but "Friends?" No, I don't want any because I don't even know what purpose they are supposed to serve.


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Teutomer
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03 Sep 2015, 11:13 pm

1. You come off as unfriendly and you're an as*hole to others.

I don't think so, but according to some people's comments in the past, I need to "smile". I don't get it. Having a neutral face is bad? I'm definitely not an as*hole but I will concede that sometimes what I'm thinking in my head and what comes out of my mouth aren't the same and it has created misunderstandings and hurt feelings. BUT sometimes people can get butthurt over nothing so it's difficult to gauge.


2. You come off as strange and odd to others.

Yes, and yes. I've been told I walk weird, handle objects weird (part of that is being left-handed), misunderstand the point of a conversation (the average person takes forever to get to the point so how am I supposed to not get lost?), talk weird (I have a slight speech impediment so I'll give them that) and have "weird" interests (people being obsessed with celebrities, the weather, and football is WEIRD, #sorrynotsorry #boring). But a small amount of people that I've met think I come off strange and odd and think that's really cool.


3. You hardly talk to anyone.


I don't know how to approach someone I know nothing about and start a conversation so I don't.

4. You never initiate to be friends.


It takes me about three months of seeing someone on a regular basis before I can even figure out how to talk to them. I have to study people and make the best attempt to figure them out first. If they find out how "weird" I am and still make an attempt to talk to me, I have respect for that and we tend to be friends indefinitely.

5. You simply haven't met the right people yet.

This is absolutely true. When I was in school, and at previous places of employment, they just thought I was weird and stupid and treated me accordingly. Which is to say, with disdain. Where I work now, it's a different mentality of people who see me more in an eccentric, but interesting sort of manner and genuinely appreciate the fact that I think and work out issues in a totally different way than they do. I've met other people in the past who shared the same attitude. Generally these people seem to have a higher intelligence and education in common.

6. You don't want any friends.


Yes and no. I'm content with the friends I already have. I don't actively seek out new friendships because I have many other interests that appeal to me. Mostly the people I'm friends with I keep in touch with on a regular basis via the internet but don't really "hang out" with them. I still consider them to be good relationships nonetheless. Whats more, I already interact with people at work and I share time/space with my spouse. Sometimes that's too much interaction, and I get psychologically exhausted- I NEED time to myself.



kraftiekortie
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04 Sep 2015, 9:07 am

I like football, and one of my "special interests" is meteorology.

I really don't care about celebrities; I don't know them personally.

I'm a cool guy, nevertheless :P



Spiderpig
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04 Sep 2015, 11:48 am

darkphantomx1 wrote:
1. You come off as unfriendly and you're an as*hole to others.

No one is going to like you if you yell at them or insult them all the time, that's called being an as*hole.


I don't do that, mainly because the response I expect is physical aggression.

darkphantomx1 wrote:
If someone walks up to you and says hello and you say something like Get Away From Me or IM BUSY or What Do You Want?!


The first of those answers is clearly offensive, so it's not an option for me, chiefly for the same reason as above. The second, unfortunately, I've learned to avoid it because noöne seems to respect it. The first ones who made a point not to accept it were my parents, who consider being busy a sign of my mental illness. If I tell anybody I'm busy, it just encourages them to increase the pressure to forcefully waste my time, taking for granted they're doing me a favor by not letting me do what I want to. I guess the reasoning is that I'm mentally unsound, so I need to be saved from myself and what little freedom I may have.

Oh, I've also learned this doesn't apply to other people. When they are busy, they are busy. Their time is sacred and I'd better not pester them. I so wish I could conquer the right to be busy and be left the hell alone like them.

The third answer only makes sense to me. If someone approaches, you, there must be something they want. Better get it out of the way so they leave me unpestered as quickly as possible.

darkphantomx1 wrote:
2. You come off as strange and odd to others.


I am. No sense trying to hide it.

darkphantomx1 wrote:
You never laugh at others jokes,


I think fake laughs are pathetic. Besides, I wouldn't fool anyone, so I think it should be much more insulting than just being honest and not laughing.

darkphantomx1 wrote:
all you want to talk about is your own weird interests,


Of course. I'm only interested in things I'm interested in. I can't even imagine how it could be otherwise.

darkphantomx1 wrote:
you're nerdy and appear aloof to others.


If wanting to be left alone is considered "aloof", then I guess I am. I prefer to call it wanting to be left alone.

darkphantomx1 wrote:
You hardly talk to anyone.


When you have nothing worth saying, shutting up is a good idea. Especially before someone decides to shut you up in a humiliating way, which they are always full of solid reasons for, and I have no defense against.

darkphantomx1 wrote:
4. You never initiate to be friends.


I consider it basic decency to assume people have much better things to do with their precious time than befriend me. I like being left unpestered, so I try not to pester others.

darkphantomx1 wrote:
If you're interested in someone, you never try to get their phone number or ask to hangout.


Of course not. If there's any kind of legitimate reason for them to grant me such intrusion in their lives, they'll let me know. If they don't, I have no business sticking my nose where I'm not invited.

darkphantomx1 wrote:
5. You simply haven't met the right people yet.


And obviously never will, because they have better things to do than meet me.

darkphantomx1 wrote:
6. You don't want any friends.


First I'd have to know what a friend is. So far, the concept has been useful only to prevent me from doing what I want, to force me to waste my time and to make me feel guilty for my true interests. I'd be glad to get rid of it.


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Joe90
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06 Sep 2015, 3:53 pm

Quote:
1. You come off as unfriendly and you're an as*hole to others.

I am not an a***hole. I like people, and I enjoy small talk, so I automatically smile and say ''good morning'' to people when I arrive to work. I love a bit of chitchat first thing in the morning at work. It gets me going for the day.


Quote:
2. You come off as strange and odd to others.

I'm quite strange in some ways, but I'm not unsociably strange. I'm just a bit stupid sometimes, and I say unnecessarily random stuff that is just so random that it's considered stupid. I really need to work on this, otherwise people will think I'm stupid and backward.



Quote:
3. You hardly talk to anyone.

I'm shy, but I still make an effort to engage with people. At work, I always have my lunch with my colleagues, and try to make myself become part of the group. I enjoy small talk and gossip. I don't have a special interest any more, and even when I did, I never expected everybody to listen to me gabbling on and on the whole lunch half-hour about my weird special interest. I'm not that socially unaware. I'm more interested in other people and what they're talking about.


Quote:
4. You never initiate to be friends.

I'm often afraid to hand out my number or ask for their's, even if I know that they like me. It might be a part of shyness. Then they sort of sense that, and probably think ''I'd better not offer my number to her, it might frighten her off'', although that is not what will happen if they offer me their number. But I'm thinking the same thing about them, so both parties end up not giving each other a contact number. I think it's because I was rejected and hurt so many times at school and after I left school, that it's become quite natural for me not to get too close to people, even if they seem nice, because I'm afraid of getting hurt again.



Quote:
5. You simply haven't met the right people yet.

Well, who are the right people? I have met like-minded people who like the same interests as me and have the same sort of state of mind as me (like gets anxious at the same things I get anxious at), and who lack friends and are lonely, but I still get declined when I text them and ask if they would like to meet up for coffee or lunch or do a bit of shopping or whatever.

Quote:
6. You don't want any friends.

I do want friends. I love having friends. But it's hard when friends don't want you. Well, I have lots of acquaintances, and to make me feel better I look upon them as friends. But I don't have any true close friendships. Well, there is one or two people that I would call real friends, but lately I haven't had much time to see them. I've been working more because we're short-staffed at work at the moment, and I've been over my boyfriend's a lot and all the traveling takes up time, and I'm so tired on my days off that I like a little bit of time to myself, and I've got so much stuff to do and sort out at home, and my aunt hasn't been well lately so I've been round to see her in the evenings. So I've had to text my friends and tell them that I am (genuinely) busy at the moment. I don't think they mind. But I do feel bad, and I really should phone them more often. A chat over the phone is better than nothing.


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08 Sep 2015, 7:23 am

I would say only 5 and maybe 2 apply to me. I am very friendly and am told it all the time. I try not to talk about any of my interests aside from sports and while I might come across as strange, I know plenty who are far stranger and have no trouble making friends.

I will say I have a hard time watching someone do something stupid and not keep my mouth shut though. I would presume that would be a good thing: I personally wanna know when I am acting like an idiot!



LordRikerQ
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11 Sep 2015, 12:03 am

I wish i even knew what it was like having honest to goodness friends



MathGirl
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12 Sep 2015, 4:42 pm

Ben_Is_My_Only_God wrote:
I have absolutely no conception of what the word "Friend" is actually supposed to mean. I understand acquaintances and I understand people who are useful to me for various reasons but "Friends?" No, I don't want any because I don't even know what purpose they are supposed to serve.
This!


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Peejay
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12 Sep 2015, 4:55 pm

often i am hard work in conversation....too intense

alternately when i am being relaxed or more silly i am to disinhinited and end up offending folk with my obscure sense of irony & humour



LordRikerQ
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12 Sep 2015, 9:45 pm

I feel like my biggest problem is I'm so out of touch that I don't even know how to meet people anymore or how to approach them.

I've been here a few weeks and I can't even make one friend and no one wants to talk to me.



SocOfAutism
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13 Sep 2015, 8:59 am

LordRikerQ wrote:
I feel like my biggest problem is I'm so out of touch that I don't even know how to meet people anymore or how to approach them.

I've been here a few weeks and I can't even make one friend and no one wants to talk to me.


Maybe you should try some of these techniques! Oh wait, these are to NOT make friends!

I like the first one: "Hey how's it going?" "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

:lol:



kraftiekortie
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13 Sep 2015, 9:47 am

You're okay, Riker. Stop getting down on yourself.

Just hang out in the Forum, answer people's questions, and you'll make friends. People like it when you answer their concerns, Aspie or no.



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14 Sep 2015, 11:13 am

1. You come off as unfriendly and you're an as*hole to others.

Fortunately, I don't think this is true with me. Either that, or I'm completely oblivious to it :)


2. You come off as strange and odd to others.

This could possibly be a little true. I still think I come off pretty normal when the situation calls for it though.


3. You hardly talk to anyone.

This is definitely me. I'm not shy though, I just have to have a reason to talk to someone. I abhor small talk so it makes interacting with strangers very difficult. For me, a conversation has to be about something meaningful/relevant/interesting/etc. If I don't know a person, the odds that I can have a conversation with them like that is very, very slim, because I have no idea what they find meaningful/relevant/interesting/etc. Most people use small talk to get to that point, but I don't. I talk to people if I know something I feel they need to know so I make a point of telling them. Or, if I think someone else knows something I need to know, I'll ask them. With someone I don't know, I can't do either of these. People suggest that I ask someone about their job or what they do. My first though is always, regardless of what they say, how will that information, in and of itself, be beneficial to me. This person is someone I don't know, I don't care about their job so why would I want to ask about it?


4. You never initiate to be friends.

I'm okay at this. I get contact information for people and then never think of a reason to contact them though. Most people seem to have groups of friends. If I befriend one person, I can invite them to do some things, but nothing ever gets reciprocated because I'm not a part of that other group.


5. You simply haven't met the right people yet.

Truth


6. You don't want any friends.

I wish I had friends. I pretty much play video games because I don't have friends.



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14 Sep 2015, 9:07 pm

1:

I wouldn't exactly call myself an as*hole. However I'm as blunt as a spoon and I suppose some people find that alienating. If someone touches my stuff or does something that annoys me, why should I not tell them off? Otherwise I'm never going to get what I want and people will continue to do it.

2:

Strange and quirky is who I am. I wouldn't want to change that, it makes me unique. I would rather act normally than have to change my personality around others.

3:

I don't give a bucket of warm piss about how people are feeling, how there day is, NO! It's just irrelevant, stupid things that I honestly don't want to know.

I would like to have intelligent conversations with people but most of the people I know don't really care about the things I like.

4:

That is extremely complicated for me. I cannot simply just ask that.


5:

Yes, yes, yes! I have not met the right people and I have a feeling if I met like-minded people my age I wouldn't like them though.

6:

Sort of. I don't like many people, it is hard for me to like someone.


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