Am I over-reacting? (I don't think so)

Post Reply New Topic

OK, this is a bit of a long story.

I have a friend that I have known since I was 10.(We are now in our 30s) We went to school together, and in some ways she was quite a good friend. But in the last few years I have found that she has changed (or maybe we have both changed). When we were younger we shared a love of art, animals, and a strange sense of humour. She now has no love of animals, and has been known to ignore her pets or take her pets to be destroyed when she has got bored with them. I love nature, but she has just built a new McMansion in a new subdivision where they just bulldozed the bush (and named the streets after the bulldozed trees -how ironic). She has become shallow and materialistic. She can be rude.

I know I am partly to blame for the demise in our friendship, as I do not organise get togethers much.I try, I am not good at it - and I'm not all not social. I prefer to email or ring but had found for a while that I could never reach her by phone, her answering machine was always broken, her email wasn't working, or she had changed her email address without telling me. So for a time ther I just thought "stuff it, I can no longer be bothered." I didn't hear from her.

Then someone sent me an email with her address in it & I thought I would try her again. She replied and said that my email address was sending her emails back, and I must have changed MY address! ( I have had it for over 4 years)

HERE's the straw that broke the camel's back -

Despite knowing my husband since before we were married (8 years) and myself for almost 30 - she sent us an invite to her party - and SPELLED BOTH OUR NAMES INCORRECTLY!! (Not the 1st time)She teaches highschool English! She does this despite every card I have ever sent her has both our names on the back,(I kept my maiden name) and my email address is MY NAME!

So I was pissed off. I sent an email back typing both our names and putting the mis-spelled letters in capitals. She sent an angry email back.

Should I kick this friendship to the road? Let it fizzle out slowly? Is it worth saving?

I would have considered her an acquaintance rather than friend, you obviously mean less to her than she does to you over the years.
I would have just accepted the limitations of the friendship, put up with the little annoyances and took what benefit there may have been from the acquaintanceship.
I would leave it to see what happens in future, if you have some news call/email her but don't push the friendship or expect anything back from her.

People change, especially when they spend their time with different people. It's how cults work. At the same time, people don't really change. Once they're alone, they revert to themselves.

Is there any reason you can conceive why she would dislike you? Your description of her is fairly negative (killing trees, pets). Might she be getting a judgemental tone from you? You also mention that you're not very social. Is it possible that she thinks you've neglected or ignored her?

If you really want to save your friendship, I'd suggest doing something unambiguously nice for her. Compliment her in front of other friends of hers. Get her a housewarming gift. Remember what it is about her that made you friends to begin with, and don't dwell on her recent behavior. If you're genuinely kind to her and she's still being a jerk, I'd live and let die.

I had this with a friend of mine that I knew at school. We had lost touch but a few years ago I found out she was now living in the same city as me. Well she came to the hospital when I had my first bub and her hubby said some very inappropriate things while I was bathing her. I was going to have her bathed before they came but ran out of time. What was worse was the she laughed at the comments as though they were funny

The problem is she hasn't changed much at all over the years and I have. We always had lots of fun together but were reckless and not responsible now I have more important things to think about. Also I didn't know where she moved to and suddenly I get a phone call because her dh hit her. She then goes back to the guy after saying she wouldn't and he throws hot indian takeaway on her. Then goes back yet again. I feel that she only wants me around when she has a problem but that sounds really bad because I should also support her.

Well she invited me to her baby shower and I forgot to go. A week later I remembered. I haven't spoken to her since. I really should but it is hard to contact her yet again. I am not very good at relationships that take alot of thought and energy particularly difficult phone calls.

Anyway perhaps it depends whether you want to keep in contact perhaps for old time sakes? I think I will try to be strong and ring my old friend even if it is just to see how she is going.

From the ages of 10 to 30? You might have truly grown apart. If you two don't share the same interests anymore and even talking to each other is hard/a hassle/annoying, then it may be time to call it quits. Especially if you've made a good effort.
When it becomes more pleasurable to hang out with your enemies than with your "friends", it's time to make some changes.