Don't get along well with ppl that are different from me

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I respect all people, no matter what. I also see the good in people but it doesn't mean I like to hang with em.

I can't be friends with some one who is very different from me. Like if they have a child (I don't), very much into sports, never had depression/anxiety, too much friends, too happy, too sad, listen to "wrong" kind of music, not same humour, never using makeup or having no sense of style, have too much activities, talk too much or too little, loud voice, too shy, too outgoing...

The list can goes on.

I have big trouble to accept differences and that's why I'm friendless. I know I'm not easy but I had tried to have all kinds of friends before but all of them ended. I try too hard to fit in and was like a chameleont, did'nt work off course.

Are the good pals out there very similar or do they simply not care about the differences?

Yeah people tend to ignore slight differences like different tastes in music.

I have friends that I don't have much in common with, but I like that they are nice, reliable, caring people. I have a friend with a 2 year old son and another with two young children. We get along fine despite those differences.

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yeah i got the opposite problem. b/c i am too cowardly, i accept things that i later regret accepting. and i tell myself that if someone does something i do not like, that is not illegal. and if what they did is illegal i tell myself that "people do it all the time. . while thus far, i have yet to interact with. encounter anyone that serves me that much passive aggressive tolerance.

b/c i am afraid of rejection.

and i am way too cowardly.

and besides AS, clinical depression, gender identity disorder. got at least 6 out of 10 personality disorders.

so there are not many people similar to me.

do not care if someone has a child. although if someone keeps an off leash dog around me. at this point, that is a flat out no-go.

yeah i do not like sports. but if someone is into sports, as long as they don't drag me to games or tell me about it, whatever.

depression is a mental illness, not an emotion, a choice, or a crime. someone might say they are "depressed" when they mean "sad". someone might be clinically depressed and in denial. a diagnosis of depression is neither necessary nor sufficient to interact with me. furthermore, nobody has to disclose their diagnosis to me. some diagnoses are misdiagnoses.

how many friends is too many? and what is the definition of "friend"? b/c i sure do not have too many friends.

FaceBook's definition of "friend"?

someone too happy might (unintentionally) result in me feeling worse, b/c i feel ashamed and guilty for not being so upbeat.

someone too sad might unintentionally encourage me to be lazy, or complain too much.

but how do you measure happiness?

when i was in 10th grade the school psychologist, in a condecending lil voice, had the nerve to ask me "are you a happy child?".

which was totally vague. yes/no question to a continuum, essay answer.



instead, maybe she should've asked, as of yesterday, to three significant digits, what were your dopamine and serotonin levels?

humor could be a no-go. some precious lil "people" kept telling me my breasts were big. and i don't find that amusing. nor did i remark on their body parts.

but some precious lil "people" joke way too much. so that's not too cool either. even though that is just them being themselves.

i never use makeup and have no sense of style. in terms of clothes. my "style" is basket ball shorts, socks, sneakers, sagging jeans, leather belt, sports bra, tshirt, sweatshirt, jacket.

and i certainly do not have too many activities. and i feel like i ain't got enough activities or something.

but what is the point of doing anything?

too shy or too outgoing? how do you measure "outgoing"? you can't measure it.

Interacting with others usually does require encountering things that are different or do not interest you. You can never find somebody exactly like you and there will always be some type of difference. Sometimes it is a matter of "putting up" with other people's differences; ideally you with theirs and them with yours. It is definitely more difficult to be close to somebody you have little to nothing in common with, though. Could you let some differences slide if there are enough similarities?

I think this is very normal, even among NTs.

I don't see ANY close friendships where the people involved didn't have actually a large portion of things in common, and a common or gelling outlook about the more significant issues. And if anything was incredibly important to them, that thing was usually the same in the people they become closest to.

If, say, political issues are the most important thing in your world, but music is just a pleasant thing and not a great love in your life, you will tend to become closest friends with someone who shares your political stance -- but you will find it doesn't matter that they hate the kind of music you like. There are minor differences you can overlook as long as the important things are shared.

On the other hand, if music is your life but politics isn't something you have strong feelings within, the people you will get along the best with will probably have to be ones who share your music tastes, but neither of you care that you have a different opinion if pressed about a political situation.

It's kind of a "pick your battles" thing with getting along with people or forming close bonds. It usually comes down to how things that really matter to you have to be the same but things that are milder concerns don't have to.

This is why, in a work setting, a family, or anything where you are forced to get along with a group of people, the advice is never to really talk about those deep issues where it will be found that people strongly do not agree.

I've never really seen ANYONE "get along" all that great who are very different to each other, even in the regular world. Everyone human seeks out similar types of people, it's natural.

Hmm that's interesting birdinflight. Yeah my good friend who i dont have stuff in common with has similar perspectives on the things I find important. We are from totally different backgrounds, I don't have kids and she does and we don't like the same music or tv, but I guess we have this thread that joins us.

I think a lot of people do compromise. That is why seafood restaurants typically have alternate selections for those who don't eat seafood, but have friends who do. But, I think a lot of people on the Spectrum have a much harder time with compromise than normal people.

Yes, I know it is fictional, but Sheldon on Big Bang Theory is often faced with the choice of compromising in order to be friends with someone. His need for friendship usually wins out in the end. As you have found, real life is often like that. Except that in your case you chose not to compromise. Having Sheldon turn down opportunities for friendship, even though more realistic for an Aspie, would not be as popular with viewers.

I can relate to you. It's very hard for me too. I used to talk to people in my city, we broke off our friendship, I lost people online too.

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yeah especially us Gender Identity Disorder, autistics, with six out of 10 personality disorders clinically diagnosed. and clinical depression. it's just difficult to find someone similar to me. although, doubt i would get along with someone that was just like me either.

quite frankly, i do not want somone to share my interests per se. like hobbies. but i want someone more socially adept, more emotionally resilient, and more sophisticated, and more psychologically stable, and nicer than me.

than i might wanna be friends.

To me it's important to have things in common, some shared interests and also - basically - the same political views.

Why is it important to you that women wear make-up or that they have a certain style of clothing?

Music is really, really important to me. I can be friends with people who don't listen to any music at all, though. As long as we can bond and talk over some other stuff, that's fine. I don't have to talk about music with every person I like.

I think there's a difference between having some common ground with someone and them being exactly like you in every way. I find I am able to be friendly with people who are very different from me, even in some pretty fundamental ways, if we have a good "chemistry" between us and can get along. Then it doesn't matter if we're different, because that's just interesting. I wouldn't want to be friends with myself, honestly. It would be boring to just be around people who are the same as me, I wouldn't get anything new from the connection at all.

I actually get along with most people, and most people get along with me, thought this does not equate to many friends. The only person I have really ever struggled to get along with was an individual with borderline personality disorder. However they are notoriously difficult to get along with. Those with borderline personality disorder aside, I find that emotional people are the most likely to have difficulty getting along with me. What I mean by that is, they are more likely than others to become upset with me for reasons which, to me, are often entirely mysterious. When I discover what sin I have supposedly committed against them, it's often something I can't be held responsible for due to my processing differences, and that most people would consider silly or unreasonable to be upset about anyway. I suspect that very emotional people just struggle a lot socially in general due to their internal turmoil and the tendency to more often perceive the world in a negative manner.

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yeah as long as they are willing to compromise about things that matter. and as long as they are not homophobic and they accept me. and as long as they do not constantly tell me off. and as long as they are nice.

hobbies do not really matter that much to me. although maybe that's b/c i ain't got no hobbies

Sometime they do sometimes they don't.

If you have major differences, such as a weird religious belief - don't talk about religion with anyone.
Just say you don't enjoy that type of conversation and change the topic.

Another thing is to keep friendships in set categories.
You have friends that share the same type of music taste - they are friends for enjoying music with, and that is all. If they have a kid it doesn't matter, all that matters is that one area of interest that you share.
You only do the shared interest with them.

It's kind of being fickle, but, only with everything else that you don't share in common.
Also be open to learning & experiencing new things. Perhaps your friend tells you about their favourite hiphop songs, you have no interest in hiphop, but ask them why they like particular songs, and you could even discover a genre of hiphop that appeals to you. Be open to trying/discovering new things.

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