Stranger crying in public

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In a public place, if you encounter a stranger crying, what do you do? Is there a generally accepted protocol that is perceived as kindness? How do you help without coming off as a total creeper?

Young woman in library rushed out the door in tears. I felt bad, but i didn't do anything. Then i felt bad about not doing anything.

I guess could have asked if she was okay, then followed with "is there anything i can do to help?" -- this didn't occur the me until 2 days later...

Usually there is nothing you can do to "help", besides, of course, leaving him or her alone

Unless you have specific vocational skills that they want to make use of. For example, if you are a professional counselor, you could tell them that, and ask if you can help.

Otherwise, it is hard to imagine a situation where you could help

Unless help means giving $$


But thank you very much for having good intentions

I guess you are right; people who are upset just want to be left alone.

Where I come from people usually stare or laugh when a stranger is crying in public.

When I see a stranger crying I feel concerned. A lot of Aspies think that the rule is to rush over to a person who is crying and cuddle them, and if you don't, you lack empathy.

More than once I was crying in public

Once when the landlord had the nerve to tell me off

Once when my precious lil "mom" had the nerve to tell me off

A lot of times in grammar school

Once when I got fired

And et cetera

What I wanted was for everyone to ignore me......





Nobody could have helped anyways. Nobody has that kind of authority

Besides if you approach someone that is already crying, then the librarian, security guard, police, parents and anyone might assume you caused someone to cry.

Especially if the crier is much younger than you. Or if you are the opposite sex

On the contrary, i've witnessed kind hearted quick thinkers respond to that sort of thing and provide a great deal of comfort to the upset person, perhaps even deferring them from an imminent rash decision or action.

Like most social issues, I think it's a contextual thing. If you pass someone in a busy setting as you are both going about your way, probably shouldn't turn around and follow after to talk to them. If a stranger rushes out of establishment, don't chase them to try to help. But, if they are upset and rushing out into an alley at night or towards a busy street, then perhaps and intervention might be needed. If you are sitting next to someone in a waiting room or on a train, it might also be appropriate to acknowledge the their state and at the very least, offer a tissue. If they don't want to talk, don't pry.

As has been mentioned, tread lightly if you're the opposite sex or if there's a big age difference, but I think it's very possible to show concern without being creepy... Don't get in their space or touch them and leave them alone if they ask you to. Perhaps offer the use of your cell phone or ask if they would like you to call or get somebody like a family member or police officer, etc.

all I can do is pray for them.

banana 247

"deferring them from an imminent rash decision or action"? preventing suicide?

these days, (it appears that) almost everyone has a cell phone. it seems hard to imagine that someone could benefit from borrowing your cell phone, unless he/she specifically asked.

furthermore, making a phone call does not sound like it could solve the problem.

but, not everyone has a cell phone. so, whatever.

it reminds me of when i was at UCSD. some girl (friend of a friend) was crying. someone was trying to talk to her. in all my stupidity, i approached, like i wanted to help (and i did). and they stopped talking and told me to go away. they told me in a gentle way, but it looked (to me) like they were trying their best to suppress annoyance.



anyways, some reasons why i have cried in the past:

k-12 bullying
got fired from work
precious lil "parents" had the nerve to tell me off
flunked class
social rejection
landlord told me off
got evicted

none of those reasons. not one of them. a complete stranger could have helped with.

besides, what the (alleged) victim tells you, is not necessarily correct.

a complete stranger does not have the authority to veto/overturn the eviction.

a complete stranger cannot override an instructor's grades.

a complete stranger cannot get me my job back.



while it is possible, that a complete stranger might (1) make the mistake of hiring my worthless corpse (2) tutor me (3) offer me a couch to crash on, i would imagine that, it is far more likely, that the complete stranger would just be getting on my nerves.....

anyways....

there are an unlimited number of reasons to cry.

especially as an autistic, i would seriously hesitate to approach to offer "help".

but if you have the confidence, skill, and desire, and time to do so, that could be different. in some cases.

I seen a woman crying at a Greyhound station during a layover to anyone who would listen to her. After other's stopped paying attention to her, I was about ready to go to her but then a driver approached her & she followed him to a bus. I also had a women crying next to me on a bus before & she started telling me about it before I said anything.

today, at the bus stop, a stranger asked "are you ok?". so i nodded.

that is not the first time that has happened. maybe my facial expression/nonverbal communication looked not "ok". and i do believe that she had good intentions.

but, seriously?

the bus was coming in a couple minutes.

if i was not "ok", then she would have had little or no authority to fix anything.

even professional counselors do not have the right to intervene, in real time. all they can do is sit in the room with the client, at a certain time. and interact with the client. and by that time, the drama has already finished.

besides, what is the definition of "ok"? why do some precious lil "people" act like they have a moral right to be happy at all times?

everyone has rights. nobody has the right to be happy at all times.

a former peer facilitator from a meditation group had the nerve to tell me "he felt bad!", about another former peer facilitator. (emphasis on the word "peer"). it's like wtf? that statement implied that he had the moral entitlement to never feel "bad". and that feeling "bad" was some sort of punishment. nobody cared that i felt "bad" too.

seriously some precious lil "people" have huge egos. their verbal statements reveal their assumptions and grandiose egos.

Someone might have good intentions when asking "are you ok??"

But maybe, sometimes, someone is purposely being annoying.

There are five emotions and only one of them is happiness.

There are usually few or zero ways a stranger could have helped me when I was crying....

They could have offered $$ or professional services

For example, imagine that tomorrow, someone rapes me. And then I am crying.... If someone has the nerve to ask "are you ok?",


Then what?

Seriously

Unless the speaker has the legal right to administer medical treatment, is a professional cop, a professional psychologist, then there is nothing anyone can do to "help" me....

Precious lil "people" that ask "may I help you?" (Unless required to do so by work protocol), act so innocent. Like they have never done anything wrong before.....

Every action is helping, hurting or no effect

Results of actions are not always obvious, immediate, direct or physical

Eleven years ago and five hundred miles away, a homophobic precious lil "person" had the nerve to tell me that "the meaning of life is helping people! You make people uncomfortable with the way you dress! If I was killing people, you would think I was a monster!".

He acted like I invented crossdressing, and crossdressing was the world's worst felony

And he was morally perfect and had never done anything wrong before. Certainly not "killing people"

San Diego 2006

Before Equal Employment Opportunity Commission added "gender identity" to its list of protected status

Anyways

There are numerous ways strangers could easily, unintentionally, permanently harm me.

There are few or no ways strangers can help me

I guess it depends on how they're behaving.
If someone looked otherwise normal, and was sitting down somewhere crying, I might approach them and ask if they were alright or needed help. They might just be having an emotional problem, maybe I could assist or listen. I have been told this is of benefit to many people - that someone would care enough to listen to them or make sure they were ok. So that would seem the sound ethical thing to do and would not present danger to me.
However, I used to live in the inner city where there was tonnes of drug abuse, and I would not have approached people I saw crying in the street there. They were very obviously tripping and that's why they were crying, they were freaking out on meth. They could have completely gone insane on me if I approached - who knows what they'd see?
I also think if someone is crying and running away, then that behaviour denotes a desire to be left alone, so I wouldn't pursue them.

Seriously I find it hard to imagine that professional counselors approach strangers on the street, just because the stranger is crying

I would feel bad for them, wish that they would be happy, and I would maybe want to put my headphones on to drown out the noise of the crying.

-LegoMaster2149 (Written on November 1, 2017)