I am not meant to have friends.

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I have come to accept I am not meant to have friends. Even as a child, I was rejected by others when I tried to reach out. The few friendships I had in my developmental years were pure luck and they didn't last because the families of those friends moved away. Since then, I've mostly had acquaintances, the few friendships I made in my support group fall apart with the passing years, and the only friend I made with my own ability turned out to not really be a friend but an exploiter. I've tried to break out of my social rut in various ways this year but I either get rejected or have dead ends come up.

I just need to accept I am not meant to have friends and either live in isolation (I already am since I don't fit in with the culture around me) until I exit or just get it over with and blow my brains out of my skull.

I have had bad expirences with friends too. I just made some earlier this year. I made friends with an anorexic from the hospital. I also made friends with a former classmate. I found whom I get along with, insane girls my age.

Atleast you made friends. This year I've lost some and my attempts to make new ones were unsuccessful.

I lost the friend I was closest to this year. We were close for three years.

Your post looked like you were saying you had more successes than failures this year.

I mostly have acquaintances.

As for my friends, well one is dead and one is in jail....so yeah, and I only made those friends because they were friends of my brothers I didn't meet them myself.

I had more failures than successes.

That is pretty rough. Friends are scarce, and folks under-value friendship rather badly. It also seems like folks never put any effort into a friendship when they know that you don't have many/any friends. To them, you might be one of a thousand. To you, that person is the only one out there.

Even if you're wrinkled and well traveled, when you have lived life through the complex lens of autism, it's never ''late'' to meet perceptive people who appreciate what you have came out of to share experiences and opinions with them. For some it takes a long time before they know themselves and have the ability to form meaningful connections to other folk and encounter the correct circumstances to allow them to open up and spill over into other lives, those with autism can spend an eternity separate and drifting before they feel comfortable enough/legitimate enough/concerned enough to open up and exchange with other beings. We have a very problematic condition and cannot judge ourselves too harshly.

I've had a similar experience. Throughout my twenties, I made active attempts at establishing friendships, but failed miserably. I reached out to old classmates via Facebook when I was 23, only for them to keep me hanging on for a year and put no effort in meeting up. At work, at the monthly autistic circle, at festivals, excursions, and Meetup groups, I met a lot of people, but ultimately none of them were interested in pursuing a long term friendship with me. I had to conclude that I am simply universally incompatible. I had to find peace with this. What pulls me through is my will to survive, my interest in the world around me, and my new-found love for myself. Why should I care about all these other people who don't appreciate me? I like myself and I have the right to be in this world, and I don't have to feel miserable about being on my own.

PS: Evangelion is my favourite anime, although my fav character is not Shinji but Rei. She is a unique person even within the context of the show and starts out as pretty oblivious to all social things. Yet she ends up being a key character in the conclusion of the story. She finds a place for herself unrelated to Gendo's expectations of her.

I think it's best not to force friendships if it doesn't come naturally. The strange thing is since i started thinking that way people became more friendly towards me.. I have a couple of friends though we don't meet often, anyways I don't think having no friends is the end of the world. Having a job and being productive towards society in general seems more important to me..

I work a dull thankless job in a culture that considers me "weird" because I am not a redneck.

If the alternative is death, then that leaves you a lot of options which involve stepping out of your comfort zone before giving up. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

PS You're presenting yourself with a false choice, a classic logical fallacy.

I've begun to accept this as well. At 25 years old, I have still never had a friend. It's weird because people always seem to really like me but never as more than an acquaintance. I haven't even had anyone express interest in hanging out with me in a number of years and my attempts to initiate spending time with people are just met with excuses. I think I feel about as hopeless as you do. I also wonder if I'm simply not meant to have friends in my life.

But still, you're out there doing something that contributes to society right? It doesn't matter if you're not appreciated or they think you're weird, they still need you. Actually even if you don't have a job that doesn't mean you can't contribute to society. You can help the people around you with little things, even if it's just your parents. Whenever i feel depressed helping someone always makes me feel a lot better. It makes me feel valuable that someone needs me, that they rely on me.. maybe it would help you too.

I often feel this way as well. In my experience, it's a cycle of pushing people away because I'm used to them seeing who I am and backing off anyways, giving them the impression that I'm aloof/don't like them, so thus the relationship deteriorates and I'm left thinking I'm inherently unlikable, which starts the cycle over again.

But in some senses it's an illusion. In my first year of college, I'm making connections at a higher rate than before, albeit much lower than my peers. So I tell myself I'm being overdramatic.

Maybe tell yourself that the people who you eventually meet who like you, (they exist, trust me), will be 1200x worth your time than the people who don't.