Well-meaning friend, me a freak - what to do?

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I am rather unsure if this is the right place to start this topic. If not, please chalk it up to my not having grasped the entire structure of this site just yet.

I have got a friend. A very close friend, and the only friend, really. We have known each other for over a decade and he is both a bridge and a buffer between me and hoomankind. He knows about my Asperger's - rather first hand. In short: he is not an idiot, and I care for him. He cares for me also.

A couple of days ago he gifted me a clothing item for my birthday. I'm an avid hiker, always on the lookout for gear, so I was super happy for exactly five seconds, until I realized that the very high-tech, very expensive base layer he gave me was in fact 80% polyester. The very material I simply cannot tolerate against my skin.

In my clueless panic I pretended to be happy, but the issues I'm facing follow an almost exponential pattern.

I thought he knew I can't have polyester.

If I tell him it's just not suitable for me, he will be upset. I'd like to tell him that it is unsuitable, but I know that he will be sad and think (again) that I'm impossible to please.

Part of me thinks that it's all nuts; I simply cannot tolerate polyester, and that's that.

Another part of me is petrified, because I don't know how many of such incidents will it take for him to leave me for good, and then I will have no one. A terribly selfish thought, I realize, yet one of some desperate self-preservation.

And yet another, rather large part of me just hates to see him soul-destroyed, failing in his attempt to make me happy despite all his efforts.

I often feel I just want to walk away, because I cannot make myself understood, because every step of him discovering yet another failure of mine hurts him, and hurts me in turn. All this tends to end in rather dark thought-patterns about my inevitable, incurable inadequacy.

It's not very good, really.

I'm wondering if any of you could perhaps identify with this and maybe share a few thoughts?

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

In regards to your situation, your friend could've forgotten that you don't like polyester. I don't see any harm in telling him. A good friend should be able to understand despite how much money he or she has put towards buying you a present. It's the thought that counts right? If you appreciate him getting you something, I'd tell him how much you thank him for that present as well as stating the unfortunate that you cannot tolerate polyester.

I myself get extremely uncomfortable with wearing certain fabrics on my body and soaps that dry out my skin. Sometimes I can't bring myself to get up and put on some lotion or cocoa butter and I have to constantly lick my hands because I can't stand the dryness.

That's why I tell people to not buy me any clothes as a gift, as a rule - I am very texture and pressure sensitive therefore I have to try everything on before buying or buy it half-free so it's not a waste to throw away if it doesn't fit.

Suggest to your friend that because you can't wear polyester, both of you could return the gift clothing to the original store where you could exchange it for a close match, but without the polyester. Many people do this all the time. I suspect your friend would agree, or even offer to do it for you. When people are faced with buying thoughtful gifts for various people in their lives, it can get confusing to remember the details for each gift. I am certain your friend didn't mean to make the mistake or offend you. Thank your friend and make the offer to make it a shopping excursion for both of you.

Yep.....Excellent idea!

Just be honest with your friend, and you both return the item. It's probably not too late.

Then, with the return money, you could buy the hiking stuff you desire.

Thanks all; it worked out OK in the end. I suppose part of the issue is throwing myself into a loop on each of such occasions and go off on one about my inadequacy.

The fact that I am on the spectrum is a fairly late discovery and there is a lot of grief and anxiety attached to it. On both sides, I imagine.

If he gets mad, that is something you aren't in control of and it certainly isn't your problem. If you don't like it then it's okay to remind him that "Thank you this is beautiful but if you remember right, I am not a fan of polyester. "

Option 2: If you are scared, then maybe looking into seeing if you can return it and exchanging it with a material that you do like.