No such thing as friends

Post Reply New Topic

I've never been very good at making friends. I prefer to have acquaintances that I keep at arms reach.
Six weeks ago tomorrow I met a girl who I got on with really well. Which is strange as I prefer male company. Over the last two and a half weeks I started to feel uncomfortable with the attention she was giving me also she seemed to study me. When I told her I have AS she became quite excited. She had started to sap every piece of strength I have in me leaving me exhausted and depressed when she left to go home.
She had mentioned a few times to me about claiming benefits for being too sick to work but I could never figure out why.
This Tuesday she told me she was a car thief and Wednesday totally out of the blue she told me she needed to be in psychiatric care. I knew this wasn't right.

She left my house yesterday morning and she was her normal happy self. At four o'clock she contacted me via MSN and said she had been to her doctor and he had put her on medication due to her symptoms which were very similar to my own. I was really confused at this point and questioned what she said, she told me (obviously forgetting she has been in my company since early Tuesday morning) that she had been having severe mood swings over the last few days etc, etc. I still questioned her and started getting several different answers.

I'm lost! My life has been a whirl wind since I met her and felt like I wasn't in control.
When I start putting things together that she has said in the last few weeks I've started feeling more and more used.

I'm a professional loner and she'll never know the effort I put into our friendship. All for nothing.

I have no real life friends and that's fine with me. I like it like that.

So she's bipolar?

Welcome to Wrongplanet if this is your first post Jakasta.

Um, I don't really understand. Is she really a car thief? Do you think she tried to take advantage of your AS? Are/were you in love with her?

I'm not really sure why you feel used, but if she needs psychiatric care then I'm sure whatever she did is nothing personal. Car thieves probably don't put much effort into friendships. I doubt knowing that will make you feel less hurt but that's life.

Try to learn from the experience and please don't isolate yourself because of it. Maybe the two of you can still be friends.

I'd say she is definitely using you for something, but for what. Maybe she's looking for compassion. She is purposely trying to make up something that is wrong with her, but she probably doesn't realize it, so you will comfort her. Looks like she is keeping you up to date on her "problems." Is she constantly whining about her problems like ALL the time?
Hoping for you to hug her, comfort her, like your her mother?


I always figured that "friends" are just people that want to gain something from you. It could be anything, they want compassion, knowledge, using your kindness to get a "free ride," and/or it benefits their ego if they believe you are inferior to them in some way. People are NEEDY, gah. Anytime I had a "friend" they always wanted favors from me. Screw friends.

This is not a friend. This is someone who needs you to suit her own purposes and will pose as a friend to get that. It sounds like she wanted to be around you to learn what your symptoms/behavior was like so that when she went to her doctor she could mimic them for the doctor and get medication.
I knew someone like this (i thought was a friend) who read medical books and watched people at her job (in the medical field) and then went to her own doctor, got a diagnosis (the one she'd been practicing to get) and then got some potent meds which had some definite street value as well as "party value". She fooled the doctor quite easily.
As far as keeping you updated on her problems, she may be telling you these things so that you'd feel sorry for her and then feel guilty about not hanging with her. Or maybe shesimply really is messed up in the head.
I would stay away from her. A friend like that is worse than 10 enemies and likely to get you in trouble or at least make you miserable in the long run.

Thanks for your replies, I know I've done the right thing now.

I still don't quite understand why someone would want to pretend to be sick, but I suppose that goes down as one of the mysteries of life.

Indeed, I apologize that I can't really input anything really wise. But I can say its a good idea to get away from that girl. Last thing you need is someone leeching off you for whatever reason.

I think that your gut feelings about this person served you well. She is clearly someone you don't need. Its called "energy vampire." I've known people like that. I could never put my finger on what it was that bothered me about them, but they always left me feeling uneasy and most of all, exhausted, even ill. I think the gut reaction can help us Aspies, since we can't read the social cues.

Wow, while I have never had anyone as extreme as you are describing. I have had some 'friends' that after a certain point I realize that they aren't the best people to be around. While I find that I can talk to them, but then through talking I find out that they are needy, are drug addicts, that they aren't the type of person that I thought they were. One girl I just cut off all contact. And another I worked with, I think she would give me subtle cues that she wanted me to do ectasy with her since she wouldn't even tell her best friend that she was taking it, but yet she would tell me when she bought a new batch. And it was sooo uncomfortable, all I could reply was. "Um... that's nice. You know what's a great game, Shadow of the Colossus!" But recently she quit and I didn't even say bye. I was sooo relieved that I won't have to see her again. But I did enjoy the goodbye cake for her that was sitting in the breakroom. haha.

Hey Aysmptotes,


Sounds like you've had a lucky escape. I'm glad I wasn't in that position. So proud you had the guts to say 'NO'