how do you make friends? im stumped....

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how do you make friends? its hard and confusing
and i end up getting upset in public when i say things wrong. and people laugh at me?

i am triple confused.

I am so confused. I don't know if I made friends when I was younger or people made friends with me but either I or no one wants to make friends no more

I've just given up on this. I am unable and unwilling to do the things it takes to make and maintain a friendship. I prefer to focus my energies on maintaining professional relationships at work. By the end of the day I am just too wiped out to do any more. I have a girlfriend and a son and that is enough.

I'd do the same, except I don't have a gf nor children.

The most efficient and best friendships that I have formed have usually come about from a shared experience, usually something hobby related. It gives you at least one thing in common. In my case its mostly been wargaming/roleplaying and more recently, internet chat. In all three cases, my AS has been something of a non issue, as the average person involved in these things has the social skills of an angry snail on LSD anyway, regardless of AS or not. All of these hobbies have a certain social aspect that circumvents the standard NT social skills. (ie you can do pretty much any facial expression on a pc and no-one can actually see, and when you're eradicating some other guys massed armies, no-one really expects subtle hand gesturing or an ability to coherently talk about shopping.) The main benefit of meeting people you already know online is that often as not they have been well pre-warned about AS related oddities, and so far I have found people to be incredibly considerate of them, even having gone well out of their way to make sure that I dont get stressed etc.

Within those friendships, I've found that the best friends are those who dont expect anything. There are no requirements for socializing, no "rules" to follow. You simply are friends and thats it. None of this "you never come to my house, I always have to go to yours" s**t. Putting requirements into friendship seems to me to make a mockery of the whole principle.

I agree with Macbeth--go for the shared interest. If you don't have any interests in common anyway, how are you ever going to make friends? In my case, I've had a lot of luck making friends through shared literary interests, shared canine interests, and through shared interest in anime. (Also, band geeks in my experience tend to be good friends, if you happen to be in high school.)

I've also had good results with friend-making by watching the people around me for an extended period of time, deciding who is good to trust, and quietly insinating myself near them and letting the friendship grow. That works only if you do have shared interests and outlooks, though.

It's certainly logical, but it's never worked for me - I've always had some common interest with my friends, but I have NEVER made friends through clubs/activities of things that interested me. One of my friends I met randomly as a flatmate, all the others I met at school/uni. I don't know why.

After 43 years, I have no friends.

I've had a lot of 'friends', but ... where are they all now? What 'friends'?

I'm now sick of human primates, and i don't want 'friends' anymore. I have said "goodbye" to all my 'friends'.

Friends disappoint you. I'm always there, immediately, when a friend needs or wants something, but when i need something, i have to 'wait' because they're "doing something important" ... more important than me, evidently. Good-bye.

Friends compete with you for attention (I go out into the big world to have positive experiences, and every 'friend' i've ever had always interupts me and talks over me to 'steal' all the attention from other people. I'll be talking with my 'friend', and a woman comes into our vicinity and *pop* suddenly i get their foot in my face to knock me off their stage - which they created - so they can have the whole show to themselves). Good-bye.

Friends disrespect you, and they're disrespectful of your home. It's one thing to be comfortable; it's another thing to do things they know I dislike, or to try and make my home their 'territory'. Or to worm their way into breaking the unspoken rules of your home, or to steal your ownership of your own life. OMG ... that's a big one.
Or to always have to win, instead of being right - regardles of how far they have to stretch the truth.

Friends are human primates. Human primates are incapable of:
1) being a friend;
2) loving;
3) sharing.

Friends co-operate; human primates ALWAYS end up competing.

I'm only interested in lovers, and possibly AS persons. I have no need for friends or family anymore. I've just gotten rid of everyone I haven't chosen to be in my life. Yes, the easiest way to form friendships is to be stuck together for some reason. If I can't or don't want to have intimacy and sex with someone, I have zero need or desire for them in my life. I don't want to have sex with anyone I currently know, so I have nobody around me. I don't want anyone in my home who I am not feeling intimate with.

Because I've realized that I don't even want friends, I don't feel any pressure to make friends or maintain friendships. I'm free to say "Go away; you bother me" .. precisely because they do bother me and I want them to go away. Really fast, mostly.

Some people I really love and I love spending time with them. However ... where are they now? Because they're not with me. All my girlfriends, my fiancee, my wife ... they're all with other people now.

The ultimate appreciation comes in the form of Love.

But, I disovered that, and things became much less complicated.
There are people you love.
There is everyone else you end up tolerating or hating.

The only problem is finding those people who can really love. Who won't "move on" now that they feel better about themselves - after you've cured their self-esteem problems or such; because their self-esteem problems limited their ability to love.

Friends boor me to no end. They constantly tell me things I already know, and insist on continuing to tell me these things until I have to tell them to go away. They re-hash their problems over and over; it's one thing to have support and communication and catharsis - but it is entirely different to be a broken record. Almost all people are broken records. Why would you ever want a broken record for a 'friend'?
So you can say you have a friend?

At 43 years old, I can only say that the very last thing on this Prong Wanlet I want are more friends.

Remember - 'friends' are what human primates call other human primates they associate with on a subconscious level. If you don't associate with human primates on a subconscious level, then there is no such thing as a 'friend'.

How's that for changing our 'problem' into their problem?

I actually haven't necessarily made mine through clubs--I make them by noticing one carrying around a book I like (or vice versa) and complimenting them on their taste, and then striking up a conversation about books. Or I've made them by talking about pets, and mentioning that I, too, like watching agility on TV, and isn't it a shame that those designer breeds are so popular? I've made a lot of friends at Latin cons, though. Note for anyone in a position to join Junior Classical League--the conventions are soooooo much fun!

cant expect too much of yourself
and remember anything you do wrong or wierd just adds character
my friends.. all of them.. during school used to go out of their way to be awkward and wierd.. aslong as ya space out the wierd stuff with normal stuff

Archetype you make some valid points about friendship. At various points in my life when I have needed some form of backup, I have wondered where my friends are, all the people that I have given hospitality to, backed up in fights, supported when their relationships were in trouble and so on. The answer was "Oh yeah, theyre all desperately trying to have sex with my gf." After a certain point I decided that I was more inclined to let potential friends come to me, rather than put much effort into gaining them. I became incredibly anti-social, secluding myself in a single room with the most limited actual contact I could muster. Despite the issues this caused with my previous partner (such that we broke up) and despite that its generally considered the most antisocial of hobbies, my only significant contact with others was through the net. However, this led to me meeting several people who have become firm and loyal friends, and after finally meeting them in RL, they became the means by which I met my partner to date - A fellow aspie, lover, careworker and friend, all in one. What I have discovered, (and also the reason why I actively promote "antisocial" socialising), is that even though most of these newer friends are NT they are not so unlike me. BY dint of having "met" me beforehand they have a much better handle on my idiosyncrasies, and are more considerate from that.

End of the day, "making" friends is bad. Sounds like effort is involved. Better to just let it happen naturally.

I've learned to get along with people alright, but I don't generally bother with friends.

Try going out there believing that your not gonna make friends, just try to entertain yourself with the random occurrences and funny(in some way or another) conversation. Im sure youlle find some others like yourself

I gave up maintaining my professional skills because without friends I am nothing more than a slave.