Ever have a "friend crush"?
I don't like people that much and it's a rare thing when i come across someone cool and clever who i think i could get along with. Sometimes it works out because we end up sitting next to each other or having to directly work together, but usually we end up just casual acquaintances with no particular reason to become close without trying, so it manifests as a "friend crush". It's like I don't know how to approach her and I'm too nervous to "make the first move"! It seems so dumb and silly, but alas.
If i care to and have the energy, i can usually be pretty bold with the "tell me about yourself" or even "i'm pretty sure we should be friends". But the friend crush makes me all nervous and fidgety about it. (Currently suffering from a friend crush ... silly but i really don't want her to get away!)
Has anyone else experienced this, or do you have any advice for how to power through the nervousness and pursue the friendship?
As a kid I had a few other kids I got along with. After a while, I'd just ask them if they'd like to meet with me and most of the times it worked. I guess there's no real difference when you become an adult. There are more or less three possible outcomes:
1. They say yes.
2. They say no.
3. They say they don't have time.
If the outcome is 3, you could still try to ask them again a few more times. If they keep saying no, I'd either just accept that or ask them why they don't want to (but only if you are really desperate to know).
About the "first move" thing: Try to think about your objective. Your objective is obviously not to ask her, but to become friends with her. It implies doing stuff together with her. It implies having a good time. And ideally, it will lead to a long-term friendship meaning you'll have a person who will be there for you if you need support (and vice versa). Try to think of something you'd like to do with her and just ask her. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking since the other person has the liberty to say yes or no. Feel confident about it. You know what you want and as soon as you've asked, you've pretty much done your "part". How she reacts to that is not your responsibility (it may sound rude, but I think it's fair to say so).
Essentially, I'd recommend you just focus on the "thought of the friendship"-part and less on the "asking"-part if that makes any sense to you
I've had similar experiences and it's kind of like an internal fight between "I really want XYZ" and "But what if...?" (go for the first one and try to ignore the second one)
Even if it doesn't turn out well, you can still pat yourself on the shoulder, so to speak, for having had the courage to try.
I have, only to find out eventually that I really, really, really should have stayed the hell away from that person.
_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.
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