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slw1990
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12 Mar 2018, 1:01 am

It seems like a lot of people who are nice and genuine are drawn to people who are mean and manipulative. I know a lot of manipulative people can be charming and friendly, but when I see how they really are I just feel put off by it. If people like that try to talk to me I usually try to be distant. When I know that they are using that charm to manipulate and hurt me it puts me off. Other people seem drawn to it though. They probably aren't mean to them like they are me, but they stab people in the back and act passive agressive all the time. I don't understand what is appealing about that. What also bothers me us that some people that are drawn to them seem so sincere and seem to think the manipulator is the same. They also seem to try and copy their behavior which is really disturbing to me because their behavior is so fake and off putting. There's already too many people that are like that are like that already.



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12 Mar 2018, 9:12 am

No disagreement there, i do not get the "i need 2821597132 friends" mindset at all. But here, some of us here are not like that, i cannot care less of what people think of me. I know that there are exceptions who are very social and have lots of friends.

Normal people are overly social and try to fit in and find their place in society, so they surround themselves with people, sometimes at any cost, including attracting predators. It is obvious what a woman who is in an abusive relationship should do, but she stays because she feels like crap and the abuse makes her think "i'm not worth better than this", that is why women are killed all the time from staying in abusive relationships.

"But he says he loves me" - usually the last words of any woman married to a psychopath.


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Spiderpig
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12 Mar 2018, 9:50 am

Why settle for someone who plays nice and therefore misses a lot of opportunities in life, or is too weak for them to be available to him, when you can have someone who isn't afraid to dominate others and take advantage of them, therefore vastly surpassing the other suitor's achievements?


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Joe90
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12 Mar 2018, 11:55 am

I know a woman with Bipolar who seems to attract everybody. So many men ask her on dates as though she's Miss World - and she's not even attractive at all, plus she's in her mid-60s. And I've heard her backstab people the minute they turn around. Like once somebody said to her "I'm on the way to the hospital to visit my mother" and she sounded all nice and really interested, then the minute they were out of earshot she said to me, "I don't even bloody care!"
She even isolates herself from her colleagues and acts like she's too good for them, but still over half of them think she's so beautiful and so lovely to be with. It's like she's got 100 women queuing up to be her best friend and a 100 men (even young men) queuing up to get in bed with her.

I really don't know how she does it.


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12 Mar 2018, 6:18 pm

Manipulative people tend to be good at seeming like something other than what they are, including just misunderstood. Sometimes people like to feel like they're "saving" others, or are attracted to the excitement of drama themselves.



Spiderpig
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12 Mar 2018, 6:43 pm

But I’m sure it’s much hotter when they proudly embrace their manipulative character and unapologetically show it.


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Chronos
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13 Mar 2018, 1:36 am

slw1990 wrote:
It seems like a lot of people who are nice and genuine are drawn to people who are mean and manipulative. I know a lot of manipulative people can be charming and friendly, but when I see how they really are I just feel put off by it. If people like that try to talk to me I usually try to be distant. When I know that they are using that charm to manipulate and hurt me it puts me off. Other people seem drawn to it though. They probably aren't mean to them like they are me, but they stab people in the back and act passive agressive all the time. I don't understand what is appealing about that. What also bothers me us that some people that are drawn to them seem so sincere and seem to think the manipulator is the same. They also seem to try and copy their behavior which is really disturbing to me because their behavior is so fake and off putting. There's already too many people that are like that are like that already.


Because most people want some degree of approval from those they view as above them and they have to try harder to get that approval from "mean" people.



OutsideView
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13 Mar 2018, 4:16 am

Spiderpig wrote:
Why settle for someone who plays nice and therefore misses a lot of opportunities in life, or is too weak for them to be available to him, when you can have someone who isn't afraid to dominate others and take advantage of them, therefore vastly surpassing the other suitor's achievements?

Because being with someone like that would be horrible (in my opinion) and who's to say they're not going to take advantage of you too?

I can't understand why people would be attracted to someone mean unless they were good at pretending to be nice.


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ladyelaine
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13 Mar 2018, 9:46 am

People like to take whatever crumbs they can get from the manipulators because they are desperate to fit in with the popular crowd. Popular people are manipulative and they hate that I can see right through their crap. The people that try to get in with the popular crowd are wanna be popular people and they will screw you over in a heartbeat if it means getting accepted by the popular people. The wanna be popular people really hate that I can see right through them. I try to avoid interacting with manipulative people if I can.



Spiderpig
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13 Mar 2018, 12:34 pm

OutsideView wrote:
Because being with someone like that would be horrible (in my opinion) and who's to say they're not going to take advantage of you too?

I can't understand why people would be attracted to someone mean unless they were good at pretending to be nice.


Maybe they feel up to the challenge of earning the other person's scarce and precious respect. There's something charming and majestic about a classhole couple.

https://xkcd.com/374/
https://xkcd.com/377/
https://xkcd.com/405/
https://xkcd.com/432/
https://xkcd.com/433/


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slw1990
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13 Mar 2018, 10:17 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I know a woman with Bipolar who seems to attract everybody. So many men ask her on dates as though she's Miss World - and she's not even attractive at all, plus she's in her mid-60s. And I've heard her backstab people the minute they turn around. Like once somebody said to her "I'm on the way to the hospital to visit my mother" and she sounded all nice and really interested, then the minute they were out of earshot she said to me, "I don't even bloody care!"
She even isolates herself from her colleagues and acts like she's too good for them, but still over half of them think she's so beautiful and so lovely to be with. It's like she's got 100 women queuing up to be her best friend and a 100 men (even young men) queuing up to get in bed with her.

I really don't know how she does it.


Do you think it's possible she's bribing them? I use to know someone who would treat people bad and then bribe those people so that they would want to hang out with them. I think that might have just been part of why people were drawn to this person though. I thought it was pretty disturbing.