Are you ever afraid to give people advice?

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coalminer
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03 Mar 2018, 10:00 am

Sometimes I worry that I would just make people's situations worse by giving them advice, since I might not have any idea what I'm talking about. I remember I gave someone on this forum advice, only to regret it because now I know that it wasn't actually good advice. It's hard, because I've lived my whole life constantly needing extra help, but I rarely get to help others in return.

I feel like it might stem from being told that I don't have anything useful to say in the past; sometime last year (I don't remember when) my brother and sister got into a fight, and I tried talking to my brother in an attempt to get him to see my sister's side of things. I specifically remember him yelling: "Nothing you say is going to help anything!" or something to that effect.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Mar 2018, 11:23 am

Sometimes I am.

But, many times, it’s better to offer your input than to just clam up.

Your brother didn’t imply, probably, that your advice would be poor. He seemed like he was just upset, and knew he couldn’t take ANYBODY’S advice.



Tequila
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03 Mar 2018, 12:04 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Sometimes I am.

But, many times, it’s better to offer your input than to just clam up.


It fair hits the spot when requested advice appears to be ignored and dismissed.



kraftiekortie
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03 Mar 2018, 4:16 pm

Yep...that could be a pain in the butt.

I give advice out of my own free will. Nobody has to follow it. There are many times when I haven't followed my OWN advice :wink:

But I am always delighted when my advice has proven to be useful. I'm sad when it hasn't, or I made a mistake.



dragonsanddemons
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03 Mar 2018, 4:31 pm

I too am afraid to give people advice for fear of being wrong, or something working for me but making things worse for someone else. I'm also afraid to try to comfort people for fear of saying the wrong thing and making them feel worse. Sometimes I can overcome this fear, and sometimes I can't.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Mar 2018, 4:34 pm

I say that all the time: "It's worked for me."

If you promise that it will "work for you, too," it could cause lots of trouble

If I feel strongly about a piece of advice, I might say: "Why not try it?"

In the advice-giving business, it is essential to know that a thing that worked for one person might not work for another person. I am cognizant of that.



smudgedhorizon
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03 Mar 2018, 4:45 pm

A few years ago I lived in a dorm with 4 other girls. One of them decided she wanted a tattoo. We discussed that a lot and I showed her a few designs that I found exquisite. She got inspired but the tattoo came out a bit different than she wanted initially and I feel responsible for that misfortune.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Mar 2018, 4:48 pm

How is that your fault?

It's the fault of the tattoo artist.

It's like me advising someone to get a haircut---but the haircut didn't come out so great.

I wouldn't blame myself--I would blame the barber.



smudgedhorizon
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03 Mar 2018, 4:55 pm

You are right, but that's how it feels. She chose a design inspired by those pics and I feel involved.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Mar 2018, 5:07 pm

I find your premise valid.

But I sense that you are only "indirectly" at fault---if at all.

If you feel like it's your fault, make up for it. Be especially nice to her :)



ZZZTired
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04 Mar 2018, 5:32 am

I am most of the time.



DHolden5884
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09 Mar 2018, 4:33 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
I too am afraid to give people advice for fear of being wrong, or something working for me but making things worse for someone else. I'm also afraid to try to comfort people for fear of saying the wrong thing and making them feel worse. Sometimes I can overcome this fear, and sometimes I can't.


Almost the same for me.

Even though I do try if asked, I always feel reluctant and wary about what I say, as I'm always conscious of what I do or say and whether or not it was the right thing.