Getting pissed and messing up

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I went out to this club with my friends again. all was gooduntil i got a sensory overload and tried to get my best friend to help me. thought she was ignoring me so got angry and pushed my ohter friend. then had meltdown banged my head and thought i lost everyhting. honestly dont want to be here anymore. every few weeks i mess up to the point where people need breaks from me and i dont think i'm strong enough to lose erin again. she's my best friend and we just sorted stuff out. i dont know hwat to do if i lose her. i hate aspergers and i hate myself. anyone feel the same? like i get im too much and too intense. all i want is to have my best friend care about me the same way i do about her but apperently i end up bein emotionally abusive. i dont want to be but i dont know how to change myself. honslty considering just stopping it all.

Maybe it'll help to apologize & tell her that in the future, you'll restrict going out with her & other friends to places where your likely not to get a meltdown. If you cant help your behavior, you need to stop putting yourself in those situations in the 1st place.

I understand.

I know what I have to do. I can't hang out in groups bigger than 5 or drink or go out. I just always try and push through cause I don't want to miss anything. And it's boring by myself at home. I mean all my friends always ha g out in groups and go for drinks almost every day. It's uni innit. I just feel like a freak most of tea time.