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Arkena
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Joined: 20 Mar 2018
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 36
Location: Uk,surrey

23 Mar 2018, 12:25 am

Hi,

So i dont go out and socialise much, i get anxious on the bus and apart from support staff and my parents there isnt any other way to get out of where i live (a little village).

So i socialise virtually, like go on tinychat.com where there are multiple people in a room on camera. Its great for interacting except there is banter which is fine but am not used to when i am insulted sometimes. Maybe thats just something you learn to shrug off and laugh about, some people insult me and its playful and hilarious.

I guess that isnt the problem really its just having a laugh with each other and playing the social game etc

The problem is i get social anxiety and get paranoid about how people feel about me and become overly sensitive.
I also replay social interactions that affected me sometimes days after the event. Instead of just forgetting about it which i feel is the healthiest thing to do and move on. I used to do this when i worked, replay social events and try and understand what happened but i become fixated on things and this becomes a negative pattern. Specially when i was really bad and replayed things that went wrong months after the event...

How should i be handling interactions and feelings of social anxiety in a healthy way? Can you relate to this?



infinitenull
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25 Mar 2018, 8:41 am

I can relate to this very much. I do it all the time, especially with embarrassing situations. There was a point recently when (an this makes me cringe just to write, eventhough I know it's no big deal) that I called someone who's name I knew by a different name... I was like "bye george" and he was a bob (neither are the real names I used)... I had no way to smoothly explain and jsut ugh... I run this event through my head over and over and over again... but... this time it was after I was already pursuing pro DX... so what I keep telling myself is... "it was my brain mixing things up... it's OK, I am not a bad person I just had wires crossed for the moment and they probably don't even remember that it happened"... this makes me feel a little better and then I try to move on.

I think that it kind of has to do with repetitive behaviors too... so I try to think of running these scenarios through my head sort of like I think of stimming... Some stimming is OK to do just about anywere, but some I wouldn't do in front of other people. So I stop myself... If I can stop myself from stimming then I should be able to stop myself from running a scenario through my head like you're talking about... Using the same techniques... it kind of works. I try to run something else through my mind over and over again... or I focus on physical stims... or something else. It works about 70% of the time... the other 30 person I just keep torturing myself lol...

Good luck!


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Very high systematizing, low empathy, but moderate to high sympathy.
I do not experience cognitive dissonance reduction the way that other people do.
Professionally diagnosed in March 2018


MrsPeel
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26 Mar 2018, 6:21 am

Yup, that sounds familiar.
It gets easier if you keep in mind that no-one actually cares about our social stuff-ups. We torture ourselves with them, while others just think we're being a little weird and then forget all about it.
Good people will give you a second chance, and those are the only people worth being around anyway.



Arkena
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 20 Mar 2018
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 36
Location: Uk,surrey

26 Mar 2018, 2:23 pm

Really great to hear your perspectives on this. Ty :D

Will have to mention it to my psychologist!

Yeah, i dont think anyone really cares about social trip ups...lits just not important.

And if they do care then they not worth it , ty :)

....feel stronger for having read that.



blooiejagwa
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26 Mar 2018, 5:57 pm

MrsPeel wrote:
Yup, that sounds familiar.
It gets easier if you keep in mind that no-one actually cares about our social stuff-ups. We torture ourselves with them, while others just think we're being a little weird and then forget all about it.
Good people will give you a second chance, and those are the only people worth being around anyway.



This is an important point. Thank you


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Take defeat as an urge to greater effort.
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