Failed again, trying to act normal

Post Reply New Topic

I can generally pass myself off as an NT but just a little weird but I usually just try to avoid people most of the time. A friend of mine asked me to come out to the pub because his sister was having her 40th so I felt like I had to go. I'm usually OK if I have a couple of people round me to help me blend in but as soon as we walked in I was terrified. The place was absolutely rammed full with music so loud that I couldn't hear my own voice. After a minute or two the two people that I went in with started talking to other people and I couldn't see anyone I knew to talk to. Its like everywhere I stood, I was in someones way and having to keep moving and I was starting to freak out a bit and then this girl came up to me and started talking to me. That was it for me, I tried to talk to her and just kept getting awkward silences coz I just can't do small talk, let alone with girls so I freaked out and got out of the place back to the sanctuary of my home. I feel like I'm getting worse at socializing as I get older. I'm really struggling coz I'm getting really down and lonely but when I try to talk to people, I just feel awkward. I just feel like I'm stuck in an endless loop.

You aren't alone. I feel the same way too, but that's just life.

For people like us, that is normal. So you didn't fail, you did your best. It seems like an impossible task to mimic the social behaviour of most people, but perhaps we should try to be content with the best we could do. You wouldn't expect someone with no legs to beat Usain Bolt in a 100m dash. So, don't place too much pressure on yourself and try to be natural, even if your 'natural' is different from those of others. I know it's not easy, and we find it hard not to compare ourselves with others, but as long as you realise you're doing your best, avoidance will probably become less of a strategy.

I describe myself as nearly always an introvert, unless I'm in the right environment for me. So, in a noisy pub confronted by either nobody talking to me, or having to engage in small-talk, it's hard work and draining. That's just how it is. And as those sorts of social scenarios were all I'd really been exposed to, until more recently, I thought I'd always find it tough. But one day I attended a social boardgaming event. It was full of other introverts, nerds, socially-awkward people, aspies. The place got a little bit noisy at its peak, but because there was something for us to focus our attention on, there wasn't this expectation to chit chat, etc. I felt so at home. I've been going there nearly every month now for 5 years.

The venue changed recently to a place with bad acoustics, and I've struggled with the noise level and reverted back to being a bit more introverted, cos I can't stay there as long before I need to get away. But plenty of other people there are having the same complaint!

My point is that I thought I was in a sort of loop, but I just hadn't found the right groove to move off onto. Try to find your thing! Your groove! Yeah, you'll probably still have to go to other awkward social events sometimes and feel yuck, but you can look forward to the ones that work for you.