Don´t believe in solid friendships

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I do not know if my thoughts about this subject are to protect myself, but I don´t really believe in true friendships. For me, friendship is often associated with some form of control, often jealousy, misguidedness, misunderstanding, abuse of power and more. Often, the so-called friend is not there for really difficult times like
disease, joblessness, death, loniless - keeping themselves busy and absent is most likely. The sad thing is that many are not there when you have positive moments in life either, like a new good job, a new partner or anything. They are only there when it suits themselves and that could be about 2 years from now or tomorrow, you never know. The typical friend usually published in books or movies are someone I haven´t experienced myself, have you? (The one who REALLY listen and cares about you for REAL and ask because he or she REALLY wants to know, not because he or she should).

When I moved away from home, my then "best friend" was not excited for me at all.
Her interest in my own development was equal to zero and this goes on in several friendships which meant that I would adapt to their needs and lives, but never the other way around. I certainly had problems of being able to put words on things I feel in the moment face to face, but why should friends take advantage of that I can´t understand.

Why do most friendships consist of one who speaks and one who listens, why can´t both be this way?
Unfortunately, I see many friends as people who just want something from the other. I can never ask for the same thing in return either, then they will be absent, I have tried.

Am I alone with this thinking? Is it weird for me to just avoid friends all together.

When you don't believe in solid friendships, you can still take a chance with fluid ones.

But frankly, having friends for the sake of having friends sucks. However, if you happen to come across a person you feel comfortable next to and you can rely on – it's worth it.

They do exist, they're just rare. They're not the sorts of things you can just create either, you pretty much have to be lucky enough to come across the person in the right situation and then go from there. I know they exist because I have two extremely good friends who I know would be (and have been) there for me no matter what.

There is such a thing as good, solid friendship. The thing is, it's just harder to come across the right people. I personally have really good close friends (and don't bother with casual acquaintances.) My friends are the people that are there for when I need them, not just during good times, care about my well being, are excited about my accomplishments, but also share in fun times. They are people that care about me unconditionally. The thing is, I cut off people that don't meet my friend expectations, this is where you waste time and energy, and start to become more negative with bad experiences, that send you in a downhill spiral. So, if someone is not a positive addition to your life, just move on, find better friends. It can be hard to come by, but it DOES exist. Just don't give up, and don't accept less than you deserve, don't put energy into a friendship that isn't worth while. Eventually, you will learn to distinguish people that are and are not worth your time, early on. Try to think positive and it will attract positive people, but be careful of manipulative individuals, don't open up too early in a relationship. Decide whether they are worth the time first.

I can tell ya right now, I was well on my way to believing the very same thing you did. It's a bit of a long story but I've managed to come into a close group of friends after a couple of decades. It wasn't easy and had I had an almost overbearing number of toxic relationships and friendships until I found camaraderie in a group of gaming nerds.

And that's a point I need to bring across here. Finding good, dependable friends is not unlike searching for any healthy relationship. It takes time and it requires self-awareness. A desperate, sad and lonely person, for example, seeks company of anyone who's willing to give it. But, with a little time, self-examination and SOME self-interest, a confident, emotionally healthy individual will attract like-minded folks into their circle.

Trust me on that one. I've been on both sides of this.

I'd say take the time to examine what's really important to you. Finding trustworthy, solid friends is not an easy thing to accomplish but with some time and a little introspection, I feel you can get there.

I have no friends at all and I want to keep it that way. Which doesn't mean I don't want any social contact with other human beings, even NT-ers. But friends can and will put a claim on you. They want things from you. It might be friendship, social interaction, gatherings, drinks, whatever. Be prepared for that. They might even call you. If you can't handle that (like me), forget about friends and get a cat.

Most of those people who you were talking about are people with "Low qualities" who are hurting themselves and have put a wall up. There really isn't anything wrong with you but what's wrong with them and they aren't capable of being a good friend.

I don’t really do groups of friends, they stand against the very things I dislike, which is conformity and heirarchy. I can never bear it when the whole group insists the leader of the group was correct to do x and y even if they were acting out of order to a particular member of the group. I can’t stand for the life of me when people use moral values as reasons in order to excuse their hypocritical immoral behaviour. It can f*ck off. I’m fine on my own, really. I have a couple of friends at a time, that is all I’ve needed.

Also it’s amazing, and very disappointing when you discover during a bad time who your real friends are.

Smudge, oh you are so right about finding out your true friends in times of trouble.

I don't have any close friends nearby. After being backstabbed by a couple of them, I decided to just enjoy acquaintances which are in a prayer group I belong to with elderly women. I like these ladies of the rosary.

I have a couple people in my life who will actually listen to me. I don’t have friends. I have people who are drawn to me because I’m a “Good Listener”. I can sit impatiently and listen to them drone on about anything they want. (Even if inside I want to scream at them to go the **** away) But as soon as I start to talk about something I’m interested in it’s time for them to leave.

I'm better off without friends than having ones that backbite me.

Only with fellow autistics and those with learning and intellectual disabilites.
Sadly, Australia has very few resources of help for adults on the mild-moderate end of the spectrum.