This puts me in an awkward position

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During services on Saturday, the worship leader was making announcements about the music team. I happened to raise my hand and ask a question on whether they still wanted people on the music team. He pulled me to the side and said he would talk to the directors and get back with me which he did. He told me that if I want to get involved not to do that in front of the whole congregation because it puts him in an awkward position.

He also told me that I need to interact with other more is a positive way which I am doing but I am not ready but he said that they need help cleaning up after lunch.

What are your thoughts on this?

Seems odd of him to make an announcement like that but to give you a lecture for wanting to get involved. What was he expecting?

I feel sorry for him and maybe my atypical characteristics scare him?

Probably so. The weird thing about the Bible Belt is that men are pressured to be tough and not let emotions get to them but I can tell you that many of these guys freak out easily at anything that challenges them.

Was this in the middle of a service? If so, then interrupting with a question was probably not appropriate. But if it was an informal group with various people talking, I don't get what the problem was. He should have just said, "I'll check and get back to you."

I used to have problems saying things without raising my hands and blurting things which he pulled me to the side and talked to me like a little kid "Do not ever interrupt me again when I am up there doing pulpit" because my last worship director was cool with me giving shout-outs from the audience. As far as this past weekend, I raised my hand and waited for him to answer me.

However, he has been treating me differently than how he treats other by talking to me like I am 10 by giving me fist bumps. I had been feeling like an outsider there where I hear the others talk about getting together to do things right in front of me. When I went to the him he brushed me off and had his wife help me and they both think I am the one who needs to change and.
1. Work on my social skills
2.Watch how I treat others

Finally, I just really feel like this last email is asking me to bend over backwards by socializing more before getting on the music team. I have talked to other people and they feel like I have been attending a toxic environment

I would give up on the idea of getting involved with the music group since he's making you jump through hoops & is treating you like a child because of your Aspie awkwardness. I would also consider trying to find a new church/religious group or just leaving cuz of the way your being treated but I'm NOT religious(Secular Humanist). I'd rather not say where I'm not wanted if I do not have to be there.

I wrote to him one more time yesterday and asked if I could help with the soundboard instead while agreeing to help clean up. No answer of course. :roll Not only that he was making me cry several times and believe me that email made me cry too. I thought yesterday if someone makes me cry or even just feel bad for not fitting into some mold, that's not a healthy situation. Last fall he pulled me the to the side and made it clear that in order to be involved me wanted me to fit their mold.


Yes, I agree with you 100% on the "Jumping through hoops" piece and now that I think about it, he was shaming me for being different and that is a form of mental abuse. He also made me clear to me on several occasions that he wanted me to fit into their little mold just to be involved there and I am not up to that.

You should find a different church. Your pastor sounds like a complete snob. You need to go somewhere that allows you to be yourself. The sucky part about churches is that most are very full of cliques and reject people that don't fit their mold. People always think that we are the ones who need to change because they don't want to take a look in the mirror and admit that they are the ones in the wrong.

Ladyelaine,
He's a subtle snob where he's nice on the surface and I thought he was when I first met him. You are right, they aren't looking at themselves in the mirror there. Rather they are more concerned with my
1. Working on my social skills
2. Socializing and being more positive
3. Treating others with respect

During my commute last night, a little light went off in my head that this really is a toxic situation and one of the signs to a toxic relationship is that the person(s) often tells a person that they need to change which is what my last rabbi was doing.

I wrote him one last email today letting him know that I didn't think his congregation was the best fit for me and thatr I wasn't about to cure my autism for a bunch of miserable people who didn't understand or let alone accept me for who I am. I also said that his last email was very rude and uncalled for and was the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

Either way, I am going to cross that place of worship off my list and move on because they are not worth it.

The way he singled you out isn't very Christ-like in the first place.

He and some of the others there have been treating me like a half of a person more and more but it didn't used to be that way.

1. Whenever I would talk to him about an issue going on in my life he would often blow me off on his wife, who by the way is much better at handling someone who is different and has great mentoring strategies and she didn't talk to me like I am lesser than she is. Honestly, the only reason why I put with him was because of her.
2.I was walking on eggshells around others in that congregation too and I could not get mad at them without being accused of having "Tantrums" or going on "Rants."
3. The people in the congregation would stop their regular conversations and start talking to me about simple topics that interested me as I was were a little kid.
4. Just this past weekend, I was in the bathroom and barely had any time to myself when I got a knock at the door and I needed to make that dash. When I opened the door an elderly lady and a mother were outside making me feel bad because that little girl needed to use the potty. I told her that I had needs and it was, "That's okay, we need to all take turns," in a high voice. So I got firm and said, "Please stop talking to me like that I am not a child" and then walked away.

I just get so tired of this BS from people

Good, there is no reason you should go there and be subject to that kind of condescending treatment.

Good, there is no reason you should go there and be subject to that kind of condescending treatment.[/quote]

I am really sorry they can't see past my "Autism" and the "Weirdness" and look at other qualities that I hold instead such as singing which I did all the time when I was younger.

I responded to the rabbi twice since his nasty email which he did not even acknowledge. The second one was my letter explaining to him that why I will no longer be attending because they seemed to get this unrealistic idea that I had to fit some mold. Rather he sent me an email with a schedule and all the activities which I do not want.