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Am I wrong to feel disappointed?

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angela8
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20 May 2018, 9:18 am

Have a crush on an aspie friend. Told him he probably wouldn't miss if I was gone. I felt bad because he said he'd miss me some. We're friends for over a year. I treat him so well. Putting the word some there made me feel like crap.



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20 May 2018, 9:39 am

angela8 wrote:
Have a crush on an aspie friend. Told him he probably wouldn't miss if I was gone. I felt bad because he said he'd miss me some. We're friends for over a year. I treat him so well. Putting the word some there made me feel like crap.


Okay, well, that's one of those loaded questions, right? Like when we say "does this make me look fat?" You're fishing for compliments and reassurance - you're absolutely NOT fishing for a bluntly honest answer.

You directed this loaded question to someone who probably has a tendency to be bluntly honest and can't pick up on social cues, and also may not realize (or return) your crush.

Take it from an old lady - if you can't handle the answer, don't ask the question.


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angela8
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20 May 2018, 10:35 am

I know he doesn't return the crush. Thought I meant more to him as a friend. Thanks for replying.



redbrick1
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20 May 2018, 10:38 am

And to answer your question, no. It is perfectly reasonable.



redbrick1
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20 May 2018, 10:41 am

angela8 wrote:
I know he doesn't return the crush. Thought I meant more to him as a friend. Thanks for replying.

Do you really like him as a friend?
If the answer is no, than move on. If the answer is yes, you are going to have to take him for who he is.
Move on, the quicker you do the better off you will be.



angela8
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20 May 2018, 11:36 am

redbrick1 wrote:
angela8 wrote:
I know he doesn't return the crush. Thought I meant more to him as a friend. Thanks for replying.

Do you really like him as a friend?
If the answer is no, than move on. If the answer is yes, you are going to have to take him for who he is.
Move on, the quicker you do the better off you will be.


What I meant is I also enjoy his friendship but now see he doesn't think much of my company as a friend. He has said he gets over people fast, and I thought he was just being macho/stoic as a front.



hobojungle
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20 May 2018, 11:44 am

angela8 wrote:
I treat him so well.


How do you treat yourself? Relying on external validation for your feeling of self-worth is a losing game. Give yourself & your friend a break.



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20 May 2018, 11:50 am

angela8 wrote:
He has said he gets over people fast, and I thought he was just being macho/stoic as a front.


When people tell you who they are, believe them. Unless, of course, their words don’t match their actions.



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20 May 2018, 4:57 pm

Move on



nick007
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20 May 2018, 5:01 pm

Some Aspies are very happy to have certain people in their lives while the person is in their life even thou they may not miss em too much when they're not. It's like the Aspies block the person out or get absorbed in their special interests when the person isn't around but appreciate the person very much when they are.


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Janeiya
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21 May 2018, 9:12 am

Just because he won't miss you much doesn't mean he doesn't necessarily not care for you much.
Missing someone is not something all aspies do. (or notice they do)
I don't miss my mother or sister or really close friends when they aren't there but that doesn't mean I don't care about them a lot.
If they were gone as in dead or they moved far away it might be different but on a daily basis I don't always need to see them and don't miss them if I don't.
Don't draw conclusions from him answering blunt and honest, you didn't ask 'I bet you don't care about me.' And just because he won't miss you much doesn't tell you how he feels about you.



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21 May 2018, 9:17 am

Yes, it's natural to feel that way and I have had situations where the other person doesn't reciprocate trust me. However, I offer him your friendship and if it gets awkward give him a break.



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21 May 2018, 2:16 pm

If I was you, I would just give him a break for a while. Building up excessive worth in others never ends well. You want them to like you as much as you like them, but the unfortunate fact is they don’t. You learn this as you get older. I’m still learning it.

If you have to hold on tight for someone to remain interested, trust me, you’re better off letting go.



angela8
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22 May 2018, 9:26 am

hale_bopp wrote:
If I was you, I would just give him a break for a while. Building up excessive worth in others never ends well. You want them to like you as much as you like them, but the unfortunate fact is they don’t. You learn this as you get older. I’m still learning it.

If you have to hold on tight for someone to remain interested, trust me, you’re better off letting go.


I'm learning this is as well, and the hard way, as we all do. Thanks.



angela8
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22 May 2018, 9:27 am

Janeiya wrote:
Just because he won't miss you much doesn't mean he doesn't necessarily not care for you much.
Missing someone is not something all aspies do. (or notice they do)
I don't miss my mother or sister or really close friends when they aren't there but that doesn't mean I don't care about them a lot.
If they were gone as in dead or they moved far away it might be different but on a daily basis I don't always need to see them and don't miss them if I don't.
Don't draw conclusions from him answering blunt and honest, you didn't ask 'I bet you don't care about me.' And just because he won't miss you much doesn't tell you how he feels about you.


I hope that's true for him. Thanks.



kraftiekortie
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22 May 2018, 9:28 am

I don't get why you said that to him, actually.

I bet he would miss you more than he said he did.

I once had a girlfriend, who really dug me, say that she "maybe" liked me.