people at work were gossiping about me

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a guy from my work just called me to tell me he was sorry because someone at work said something about me and he end up telling that i was feeling a bit annoyed about some things, he told me he said it innocently but he felt really bad because it sparkled a long conversation about me where people were basically saying how i was weird and hadn't any social clue. i feel really bad to know people were saying this things behind me, and knowing them, i'm sure the tone wasn't friendly or concerned. i was thinking to quit my job a while ago but had reconsidered it but now i'm thinking about quitting it as it seems they don't like me at all.

Sorry that happened. Did you happen to ask why he felt compelled to tell you? It sounds like maybe this guy is a friend, or else why would he go through the effort and awkwardness of telling you what happened and apologizing?

It's hard but it may be worth talking to him again, either calling him up since he called you, or asking to lunch with him or break with him when at work. Maybe you can tell him that you appreciate knowing, but it really bothers you that people talk about you behind your back, and that you know you don't have the best social skills but would like to address the issues and try to improve the situation. Maybe he can tell you specifically what troubles him or other people about your behavior. Maybe you can help him understand you a bit better, and you may even get some good feedback on how you can adjust your behavior.

Depending on how it goes with him, you may want to bring it up to the others. It could make it worse, but it could help. If you are really considering quitting, then in a way, you haven't got much to lose anyway. It doesn't have to be a big dramatic thing, just a matter of fact proclamation that you heard through the grapevine what has been said and it's disappointing that people would say it behind your back. You can explain that you are aware that you're not the best socially (actually bringing up aspergers or whatever your specific issues are is optional), maybe explain some of your specific difficulties or triggers for anxiety, etc, apologize for having offended anyone accidentally, and then open up to questions or discussions on the basis that you'd like to get on the same page and understand each other better.

People probably won't expect you to be direct, but if you are well spoken, well thought through, brief, and not emotional, I imagine they will be impressed and some may be interested in hearing your side or venting a little on good terms. Some may be annoyed or be bullies about it but a lot of times, people just fear what they don't understand. Helping them understand can sometimes really enlighten and change people... I've been dissed by many, but also i've been surprisingly understood and embraced

Sadly i found over the years that work is very much like school (for some of it), i come to learn that its better to just listen to the older people (usually the ones married with kids etc normally female too) as they are not trying to prove anything or win any one over. The younger people you work sometimes are trying to score points... i am assuming this gossip person is young (ie younger than 30?)....if not then i dont know

But its not great, if its very negative things they are saying then keep a note of it, its bullying and harassment and more than likely against your companies policy. If it recurs then try to speak to some one senior ... if they dont take you seriously then the company isn't worth it, so move on.

Hope that helps

People are going to talk about everybody else, no matter what. That's just the way of (most) people. People feel they lead boring lives; they feel the need to "fill up" their lives by gossiping.

That guy did a really unusual thing in calling you telling you about this. Most people would have this honest. Obviously, this guy likes you as a person, a friend.

Don't quit your job over this.

This, probably is not a reflection on YOU. It's more a reflection on THEM. They have nothing better to do with their lives than gossip.

I would be really careful with that in terms of people coming to you and saying that others are talking behind your because
1. They could get your riled up on purpose so they can twist the truth about you to the person who they are telling you about.
"You won't believe what ltcvnzl did. They had a hissy fit and said that you are an asshat. "
2. They also could be trying to engage you in gossip so they make you look like that because they want to get ahead.

The next time they approach you, just brush them off with a polite, "I don't know anything about that and I am not so and so and nor do I really know them or see them outside of work. (Then change the subject and use small talk which is the weapon on an NT). "So I heard the weather is going to be beautiful this weekend," or "Did you hear that the boss is getting a new software that is supposed to be more accessible than this one?"

That one will shut them up

Miyah

hi thank you all for yours replies. i think my original text was a bit confusing, i was very nervous back then. i slept with this things, and i can reason them a bit better right now.

it hurt less, but it still hurts because is a pattern i have encountered my whole life. i always try to be the best person i can, and i'm hardworking but i always find a wall between people because i have difficult in engaging in small talk or don't brush my hair. people seem to have a weird standard of priorities.

i kind of liked my work in the beginning, but i have noticed a lot i've been left out. we are a small group of 5 people, and everyone is very close and informal – except me. there was a girl who joined at the same time with me, but she stayed only for two months (we are both interns, the university issues that the we must do our internship in 150h contracts, so basically I got my contract renewed and she didn't, she wasn't really productive) and when she left, basically everyone keep commenting on how they missed her, including two people who saying straight it was a pity I stayed instead of her. there is many days when they organize to go somewhere everyone together and clearly left me out, everyone is always friendly and talkative when other arrives but a lot of days i say good morning without any answer. the list goes on.

on the guy who told me about it, i think he was good intentioned. he told me that he wanted to talk about that to me because he felt he started it commenting about something i said to him, but he didn't liked the way the conversation went and felt he was guilt of it. he joined us recently, and i've know him for a while before he joined here, he seems honest and i feel inclined to trust his good intentions.

on this context, nothing he said people talk about me is news to me. what hurt is the fact that doesn't matter how good i can be, i'll always be vulnerable because i don't fit a standard of desirable traits. the people at my work are all also very young, and they are all very well fitted people, like coming from rich backgrounds and being pretty and social and popular. i'm far from that, and it's sad that i'm still facing some form of bullying because of it.

he basically told me that they were discussing how unfit i was which included the fact that i sometimes bring weird references to the fact that i don't brush my hair and that i am fat. it's not really the kind of discussion i want to argument with people about, because it says a lot more about them to me.

on quitting the job, i was going to quit it in june anyway, but i've been thinking for a while in quitting it earlier... i just decided to do it now, i kind of feel it's a bit of a toxic environment for me and i'm surely producing much more good to them than they are for me. i don't feel motivated to keep it.

if i like them, in the beginning i really liked them, but my feeling faded a bit due to feeling left out.

they know my work is good, but they seem to value more this social aspect and don't really care about my feelings. about looking professional, the space is really informal – everyone dress as they want, that's why i don't get why on earth they care about my hair. i guess it's cool to look messy if it's very intentional and you put work on it, but looking natural isn't. i don't know, if it was a formal space with a dress code, i could dress to conform, but it's not the point.

i'm losing anyway. they are obviously in social advantage than me, and it backs them being mean. at least quitting now, i won't deal with it anymore and i won't give them my work for a low wage (i'm a intern, so my salary is very small and i actually more responsibility than i should – that's why i already wanted to quit a while ago, but i just kept going).

i won't getting a new job in nearer time because next semester i start my diploma project and i want to be able to focus solely on it.

but honestly this experience just reforce my dislike for this creative type of working space. they give you a fake sense of freedom and then just mock you if you are like them.

Sounds like the people I work with.