some people make friends so easily

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It seems like some people are able to make friends with great ease. They don't stay in the acquaintance stage very long at all. Where as I always get stuck in the acquaintance stage forever or go back to basically being a complete stranger.

If you make it to the friend stage, how long does it take you to get to that point?

What are your experiences with making friends?

My experience has been very very weird. People mostly ignore me or try to befriend me out of pity. There were also some people who were obsessed with an idealized, "normal" version of me. I used to have a childhood friend like that and she dropped me when my differences become clear. At school i mostly befriended other people with learning disabilities and those that have no other friends. We stopped contacting after school ended so right now i have no one beside me apart from a friend whom i knew from high school.

I can't really do the acquaintance stage. I find it akward and boring. I find it quite easy to tell from very early on if someone is going to become a great friend or just remain an acquaintance. If I have acquaintances it is mostly because they just happen - neighbours, mothers of my children's friends etc. They are not particularly meaningful interactions.

It is very rare for me to meet someone I find interesting and can connect with.

I have had 5 really great friendships in my life (2 female, 3 male). I have either met them through shared interests (music concerts, university etc.) or they have been "introduced" to me by acquaintances. Sadly they all live really, really far away so I don't get to see them very often. I keep in contact via letters though but whilst we had that buddy - do everything together hanging out phase and that was really fun - we don't have that anymore because of the distance.

Last edited by elsapelsa on 04 Jun 2018, 9:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

About as long as it takes for them to find out that I have money, skills, and talent -- the "Big Three" of popularity.Mixed. Only about 1/4 of the time do I seem to make a genuine friend. The rest of the time, I either strike out completely, or one of us ends up not liking the other.

Making real friends is hard for me. Some people would call what I would label an aquiantance a friend which is really confusing to me.

"A good friend will help you move, but a true friend will help you move a body." -- Steven J. Daniels, from "Weeds in The Garden of Love"

Yes, this is the same for me.

A friendship is a really deep and wonderous thing for me. It is rare.

There is a mutuality and exchange that is never just one sided. They energise me when most social interaction drains me.

One of my friends for example I can only see when I go back home to my home country. I have to travel by train 3 hrs north and he has to travel 3 hrs south and we meet in the middle. We get something like 6 amazing hours together. Then we have to wait a whole year to do it again! But it really is a lasting feeling. I can live on that time together for months.

I have a cousin who makes friends quicker than the average person. She will meet someone her age, and she literally skips the acquaintance stage and the casual friend stage, and immediately moves on to 'best friend' stage. And she somehow does it the right way because she automatically gets liked and invited to even sleep over their house straight away. She can even be a rather aloof and selfish person, although she's not a controlling bully or anything. She's just the most socially skilled neurotypical I've ever met. And she stays in touch with these friends too, even if they're doing different things and haven't had much chance to see each other for a few weeks, they still manage to get back in touch with her and arrange a big social night out. Even after a long day's work, she still has energy to go out after work and spend half the night socialising.

I do envy her. I feel like the opposite of her.

You're right. I've seen people make a bunch of new friends in like 5 minutes but the thing about those people is that they LOVE talking and they'll talk to anyone anywhere and probably has little to no close friends because of it too. Because they're always just making new contacts rather than building on relationships they already have.

For me it's a huge struggle as I feel I generally cannot relate to other people my age at all, I don't feel as though we're on the same level if I do try to get to know someone so I ghost them and move on. My own fault really, but in a way they only become a reminder of how alien I am compared to most NTs and they take me needing to be alone and not have any contact some days as rudeness or something personal.

The people I do get pretty close to are people who either are aspies like me or has aspie-traits, people who also feel different from other people and can understand my feelings and I can understand theirs. I meet those people online and I have only 1 friend in my city whom i've known for 2 years now. It's my longest irl-friendship since I was probably 7 years old. I also have one other friend (who is also autistic) that I hang out with occasionally but who lives in a different town so it's mostly an online-friendship. I also am very one-sided I guess. I want everything on my terms, I don't wanna go to new places or try new things, I don't wanna go out drinking, I don't wanna gossip or have deep conversations unless they're about a special interest of mine and I only wanna talk or hang out when I feel like it. That doesn't work with most people.

I definietely envy people who make friends so easily but I can also feel greatful for the little I have and trust that with time i'll meet new people, some I might actually become friends with.