About social skills as strategy to help people.

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I was thinking it might be helpful for people with Aspergers to frame their approach to social interaction within a defined strategy. I was reading about shyness in terms of informal social situation(public speaking) vs personal social situation(Interacting at a big party, meeting & befriending new people). I agreed that overcoming anxiety towards personal situations would be more difficult due to the inherently unstructured and unpredictable nature. I think a general strategy might be helpful here.

The strategy I am thinking is simply this: Helping people/helpful communication.

How can we make observations about another person's identity, what are the core components of their identity and ego? How can I try to identify relevant needs(social, emotional, psychological) that as a friendly well meaning person I can help with? How can I help them feel better or simply reinforce positive state of mind?

What is a structured approach whereby I can see how I can help another person and then do so? Also identifying their characteristics so that I may focus on people who aren't toxic, are receptive to positive and balanced friendship.

Your question is way too broad and requests too much detail for me to completely answer. I will instead choose one question and answer the one about my structured approach.

The only aspies I know are the ones I've met informally online ... so what I'm going to say only applies to me and should not be generalized to everyone with ASD.

To function outside my home, I've adopted some of the techniques of method acting. I role play. I think a common term for this is to "mask."

I'll start by telling you that I'm a chef instructor. To play the part of a chef instructor, never mind the fact that I really am a chef instructor with multiple certifications and diplomas, I first had to define the parameters within which I would function.

My parameters are defined by:

1) School law (state law)

2) Federal regulations governing Title 1 (low income) schools, OSHA (Occupational Safety and Health Administration), FDA (Food and Drug Administration) Model Food Code, and IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act).

3) County Health Code

4) ServSafe (national certification for food safety protection management)

5) District policy

6) School Rules

7) My kitchen tools and equipment I cannot for example, teach students how to BBQ because I don't have a grill, nor can I teach students how to smoke meat since I don't have a smoker.

Student skills i.e. knowing what the entry level skills are for Culinary I, II, and III students It would be pointless and frustrating to try and teach students how to make a composed cucumber salad if they didn't know food safety and sanitation procedures, knife safety, how to sharpen a knife, and how to use a knife. They would also need to know how to read and follow the sequential steps of a standardized recipe and how to measure using solid and liquid measurements.



9) My culinary budget My fiscal budget limits what we can do. I cannot teach students how to work with lobster because I simply don't have the budget for high priced items.

10) My skills and experience I can't teach something that I myself don't know. This is part of the reason I spend an inordinate time at home working with new recipes. I am constantly striving to improve my techniques as well as my underlying knowledge of Culinary Arts.

11) Social conventions as specified by Christian morality, popular culture, tradition, and books like Miss Manner's Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.

Having defined the parameters within which I can work, I have created a gruff chef instructor personality that's basically a composite of all of the positive aspects I've found in chefs I've known as well as celebrity chefs.

When I am at work, I am ALWAYS properly attired as a chef. I wear a white culinary jacket with my name embroidered on the chest. I wear black trousers with black socks, and non-skid black (close toed) shoes. I also wear a white toque.

I don't know about other aspies, but I tend to think in terms of flow charts ... conditional statements.


A conditional statement is an if-then statement which specifies the conditions under which you make various decisions.

For example, my daily morning routine with my class begins with attendance. Since I have poor facial recognition skills and am not good at remembering names which is almost a moot point since I have problems recognizing people of a similar gender, age, skin color, and weight, I have assigned seating.

When the 2nd bell rings, I look to see if all students are seated. If all students are not seated I will say, "The bell rang, please sit down!"

Once the students are seated, I check my clipboard to see if all assigned seats are presently occupied. Students are then marked present or absent via an on-line attendance report.

I always begin a lesson by standing in front of the class. If students are talking, I wait for them to stop. I either impatiently stare at them, look at my watch, or tap my foot. Since I teach Culinary Arts, I have a huge advantage over other teachers because most of my students want to be in the kitchen. Unless we're catering, everything we cook or bake may be eaten by the students and since most of the students understand that we only have a limited time to set up work stations, to produce a product, and to close (and clean) the work stations, the class does a pretty good job of policing itself.

Whenever I have to wait for someone to stop talking or texting, I usually hear one or more students snap, "Hey ... CHEF IS WAITING!"

If the class is quiet and attentive, I begin the lesson. I always start with, "Alright people ... today we're going to ..." I then talk briefly about what we're going to be doing. I sometimes incorporate short hands-on production films or use power point slides to illustrate our step by step production.

When the kids are excused to enter the adjoining kitchen, each group picks up a sheet pan filled with pre-portioned ingredients (as needed), tools (again as needed), and a recipe which doubles as a sign in sheet so that I'll know who was at that station.

The students take their supplies to their stations. They don't hair restraints, wash their hands (following both the county and FDA model food code) procedures. They fill a sink with hot soapy water. They prepare red sanitizer buckets with sanitizer solution and a clean rag (again defined by the county and FDA model food code).

Everything I do is highly structured and my interaction with students (for the most part) is always anticipated and follows a set procedure.

Since it's student nature for students to want to know more about teachers (especially ones they like ... and for some reason I'm fairly popular but don't really understand why .. students occasionally try to draw me out. They want to know if I'm married or if I'm not married do I have a girl friend. They want to know where I live. They want to know what I did over the weekend.

I have canned responses for most of these questions.

Time and experience have helped me to anticipate most if not all of what students will ask me.

A few weeks ago we had a faculty meeting and one teacher asked if we could shorten our class periods to include a 7th period that could be used to meet with our students. Each teacher is responsible for sponsoring a grade level. There are usually 3-4 sponsors per grade.

The teacher wanted us to meet with our grade levels EVERY DAY for about 40 minutes.

I objected for several reasons.

1) My recipes are geared towards the current schedule we have. When the teacher pointed out that I'd still have 40 minutes to be in the kitchen, I countered by pointing out that time was needed for instruction. Time was needed for students to done food safety clothing and to set up their work stations. Time was needed for hands-on production and on the other end of the lesson, time would be needed to break down each station, to clean all tools and equipment, and the students would need time to eat their work products.

2) I also played my autism card since my building admin and faculty know that I'm on the spectrum. I told the faculty that while my teacher evaluations say that I am highly competent in my field, the further away I'm taken from my area of specialization, the less competent I'll be.

One of the reasons this teacher wanted us to meet with our sponsored grades was he wanted us to have time to "bond." He wanted us to have time to get to know one another. These are not things I do.

I am thankful to say that after a brief discussion, we took a vote and the proposal died. (Whew)

The funny thing about my mask as a chef instructor is that chef me is able to do things that real me would never do.

Chef me is fearless. He's stood up to students who were taller and stronger than he was and has compelled them to behave. Chef me has not tolerated students telling him to "F**K off" and these students have had their aggression redirected to scrubbing pots. Students who refused to cooperate have gone to the office on discipline referrals and the worst of these have either permanently gone into ISS (in-school suspension for my class for the rest of the semester) or the counselor has transferred them out of Culinary Arts.

Chef me has coordinated his student kitchen crews for catering events of up to 2,000.

Chef me has spoken to an audience of 1,000.

Chef me is not bothered by noise or bustling crowds.

Real me would rather avoid all of this and just stay home.

Years of experience have helped me develop all sorts of esoteric responses to unexpected events.

Thanks to the US State Department's office of counter-terrorism, in the days following the terrorist bombing of our military base at Khobar Towers, the American community in Dhahran, Saudi Arabia were given a 3 day workshop in how to survive a terrorist environment. I actually used the counter surveillance skills I learned to evade a group of Dutch skinheads in Amsterdam ... but that is a story for another time

Since Saudi Arabia was being hit by Iraqi scud missiles during the First Gulf War, I know what to do during an in-coming missile alert. i also know how to don a poison gas mask.

Given the uncertainty as to whether Iraq would invade Saudi Arabia after having overrun Kuwait, I know how to evacuate with just 5 minutes notice. I used to have an evacuation kit ready which included copies of all personal identification, personal checks, cash, bottled water, sanitizer wipes, granola bars, contact addresses and phone numbers, sun glasses, sun tan lotion, a toiletry kit, a towel, and a change of clothing. If worse had come to worse, those of us with 4 wheel drive vehicles would have formed a caravan, loaded up as many passengers as we could, and made a dash for neighboring Bahrain. Failing that, we would have loaded up our vehicles with extra fuel and bottled water, and fled into the desert in an effort to make it to the UAE, United Arab Emirates.

Other masks I've developed over the years have included being an elementary teacher. I was an elementary teacher for 17 years. I have been an expat (expatriate, living abroad for 17 years - Ghana, Thailand, El Salvador, Saudi Arabia, and Lebanon). I've been a volunteer fire fighter, have worked with the Red Cross as a disaster relief shelter manager, have been with the USO as a volunteer baker in Saudi Arabia during the First Gulf War, and have also been a food bank volunteer.

That's a pretty amazing story and I find it really helpful actually. Been giving thought to it for past few days.

On the contrary I think this is a perfect answer.

I think the "mask" concept could be the key. Applying this concept certainly has helped you with career demands especially those that would have been very difficult due to ASD. I think applying it to social skills as a whole and to dating would help a lot with my issues there.

My main problem with dating is I am severely love-shy but I think a "mask"/playing a role would be a way to make this easier. Some problems with social situations are that I am not interested in pop culture/trivial stuff and I resent peer pressure.

Last bumped by SSJ4_PrestonGarvey on 04 Jun 2018, 2:55 pm.