Does it help to tell people?

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I'm torn on whether I should be relatively open about my condition or pretty closeted about it. I haven't told anyone outside my family and therapist yet. Has it helped your social interactions to tell friends, peers etc?

By far the most common response was "you don't look autistic"

Some of them acted like all autistics were intellectually challenged (euphemism, misconception)

Some of them acted like I could not be autistic because "you are emotional" or did not fit their stereotype



But the people that you might disclose to are not the ones that I disclosed to.

And you look different from me



Your results are different from mine

Tell only those you absolutely assuredly trust. Everyone else may be sick enough to use that against you with false accusations, slander, gaslighting you, etc. Recently read some sick comments by ‘NT’ (bet they were actually sociopaths)
stating that ASders are crazy, ‘feel sorry for their parents’ ‘dangerous’ etc

These are the stereotypes, usually unspoken in public , that low excuses for human beings use to bully etc.
Even truly trustworthy honest people may use it against you unfairly at some point, but the really sick ones will tuck away the info in their mlnds and calculatedly use it against you later in their ego driven attempts at gaslighting, slander, etc
As an ASd person the intricacies of these people’s social chess games may sound unreal, but that incredulity and naivety is what they are relying on
Eg my ex law clerk

I'm fairly open about being autistic. There's no real point in hiding it so I just tell people, and they're almost always cool with it. Of course, it helps that people in Alberta are pretty tolerant. We may have a reputation for being the most conservative, Americanized province in Canada, but really we're not that bad.

I don’t know why but I never had an overall good experience with people in Ontario esp related to autism for me and my elder

maybe the traffic and overcrowding and competitiveness is the reason a lot of people carry resentment that they are just dying to unload on ‘the weAkest link’

I think it's a very dangerous time to disclose that you are autistic because people are still stuck on the "Autism awareness" mindset. I was reading a post above about how we are "Dangerous" and sadly, that's always been a stereotype which I heard about back in 2004. Usually, the ones who think like that are closed minded as a result of ignorance and arrogance.

Most of the time though, people these days seem to be stuck on stupid where they are locked onto the label. They will stop taking me seriously and start talking to me this saccharine voice.

1. I will tell them about what I do career-wise and it's "Oh wow, that's awesome," instead of "Can you tell me more about you do?" So, I am working to create a work portfolio to show people. Other times they talk to me like that, I tell them, "Not really there are other autistics who did it before me."

Other times, they get this idea that because my brain processes things, I might not "Understand" where they are coming from.

I had attempted to hold an education session at my last synagogue by creating a special powerpoint slide in letting people know what autism really is this was especially since I was being excluded from things. Yet, the rabbi and several insisted that it was me and that I needed to "Socialize more."

Comparing Alberta to Ontario is like comparing California to New Jersey. Very different cultures.

I don't think it's anything to "hide."

But I don't think it's "important that you tell people."

People are more than their autism.

How difficult is it to describe your autism? Normal people have difficulty understanding new things, but it may be very easy if you are just like a fictional character that everyone knows about.

If you think they would be willing to read a book about autism, then it is better to tell them


But most precious lil "people" do not do anything except flap their stupidass traps about and act like they know all about it when they have misconception


Closeminded attitude

I don't tell anyone. I haven't even told my own boyfriend, and I live with him. He knows I'm eccentric and unique, but he has never once guessed that I have ASD. I don't think he knows much about ASD though.
I'm just too ashamed of having it. I do say I get anxiety, and I told him about my ADHD diagnosis, but I just cannot openly say "I have Asperger's". I just don't want to be associated with something that some serial killers have claimed they have that gets leaked out into the media and millions of people believe the stigma.

Yeah that’s kind of what I got from his comment and just had to say smthing related to the topic

I think it depends on the people in your life and if you think telling them will be of benefit to you or them.

For most of the people in my life, the answer to that is a definite no. I know them well enough to know that disclosing is a bad idea because they won't accept it and that will just bring unnecessary stress to me.

That being said, it's not something that I'm really hiding. I don't try to hide my traits or eccentricities.

i am open. and vocal. i try to edicate people on the topic whenever is possible. sometimes i get good results. sometimes i dont. but if i lose, at least i tried. i mean no disrespect to "closet" autists here. it is a choice everybody makes for themselves. i wear mine with pride.

So I've only read half the replies so far and the Canadian respondents are already illustrating a simple basic fact: their society simply is more tolerant of neurodiversity and health care issues in general than the backward USA w/our f****d up, third world health care system, something also illustrated by Canada having universal health care. As every non-USian knows, EVERY other rich country has that and also some very poor ones like Cuba.

I should qualify what I just said and what I'll say next briefly so no one thinks I'm trying to make an absolutist statement b/c I'm not. First sure there are bigots and Machiavellian as*holes and institutions everywhere who/which will use your disclosure of your diagnosis against you, no doubt. That's probably true in Canada and throughout Europe, I won't get into the rest of the world here. And second, sure there are alot of people and institutions in the US that at least compared to 20-30 years ago have made the support systems for those who dislose alot better than they used to be. I won't argue w/that.

All that said, however, those posters who are saying to be guarded/selective in who you tell imo are giving you the right advice, esp if you're in the States. Putting aside our health care system, look at what's going on here right now: we have a federal govt that's now openly HOSTILE to the disabled (including Veterans), just as they are to immigrants from Latin America, Muslims, Jews, people of color, women and the poor. That's no accident that we're here. Most whites who voted in 2016 voted for this. And even leaving politics aside, yes people and institutions will use this info against you sadly. It's called ableism, as maybe everyone here knows.

On a personal note, I don't really have family since my parents died in 2006 and 2011. I have a half sister who herself has a serious physical disability, but I haven't spoken to her in 8 years since she was yelling at me w/her fiance on the phone about how I was handling my mom's affairs as executor of her will. Do you really think I could trust her now w/info about my diagnosis? I have also told several friends and yes, by contrast, it's true they have generally been understanding. I'm gonna continue my reply in another post so hang on...

Ok, as I was saying friends have generally been understanding, but I should add I was diagnosed late in life at 43, which didn't help me from losing alot of real and potential friends. And more than one job over the years. I have had to tell some people b/c since I basically can't work, I've had to apply for social security disability (basically the govt gives you money to live if you can't work). I'm on public assistance now and living in NYC we have as far as I know one of the best social safety nets in the US, but it still doesn't cover the bills for the whole month.

By contrast I have also told some people who were or are former friends (in my eyes) and their reaction is usually one of the following: apathy/ignorance often accompanied by discrimination and/or not helping you if you need some kind of understanding/accommodation, condescendingly treating you like a child or some sort of what I'll call aggression/using the info against you. I have tried to have an academic career also and this has bedeviled me since high school if not earlier. Again I didn't know before late 2016 but I was previously kicked out of graduate programs I was in b/c of problems related to the disability. Worse, the last program I was in, I told one professor who himself had a hearing disability about my situation and while he was somewhat accommodating, after a certain point, he continued to be a hardass about it. In addition I spoke to a senior administrator about this and her reaction was basically, maybe you should find another career. The school's mental health office did help me find a resource off campus that eventually did diagnose me (sorry I'm not describing these events in chronological order), but the school itself basically said there wasn't much they could do beyond give a student more time to complete their work. My main point in this is, ableism institutionally especially in the States is systemic, it's all over the place. And especially once you're an adult, there is still relatively little support for you here and some of those f****d up reactions I mentioned above are common as well. Until the law is changed at all levels of government this s**t will unfortunately continue, other than bandaid solutions popping up here and there.

To conclude, yeah tell people you can probably trust or if you really need to, take it from me trying to do this alone is impossible and will drive you over the edge if you try. But absolutely be selective and careful.