Still want to fix it...

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I like to pet dogs. However, I know doggy etiquette, which says that you always ask an owner before you try to pet the dog. So I did that when I saw a dog owner walking a dog around my complex. And the owner blew a gasket at me, said it was rude of me to ask to pet the dog. I responded, confused, that it would have been rude to try to pet the dog without asking. She retorted that she is on a walk with her dog right now, and she was sick of telling me no. I let her go (because really, what else was I supposed to do?) and headed back to my apartment to make sure I had doggy etiquette right.

My analysis:

Evidently, I had run into this person before and asked them to pet the dog before. However, I did not recognise them. I don't think I have prosopagnosia, but I have similar problems to people with prosopagnosia when it comes to recognizing people out of context. I think, maybe, it's because my memory (except for abstract facts) tends to be pretty weak, and my visual memory is weak even in comparison to the rest of my memory. So, likely, I had asked her to pet the dog previously and didn't particularly remember what she looked like. I had briefly wondered if I recognized the dog, but there are a bunch of dogs with its general appearance around the complex (I know a few by name), and since I didn't recognize the owner, assumed it was one I hadn't met.

I rechecked online what doggy etiquette is online and confirmed that the rule is that you must ask the owner and take no for an answer, which is what I almost always do (and what I was prepared to do in this situation). There is no particular exception that I know of for walks, and in fact I suspect that walks are exactly what this rule of doggy etiquette was set up for, since that is the most likely time for people to see dogs they don't own. I can see theoretically an argument that since she had told me no previously that I should have assumed that she would say no again. I don't think this rule makes sense in this context, though, since as I said, I didn't recognize her. And most dog owners in the complex say yes. I'm friends with quite a few of them, and I met them through their dogs almost always. Dogs are a favorite way for me to socialize with people. So I don't think it would have necessarily been correct to have an assumption going in that she would say no.

So, my conclusion is that I was not in the wrong. This is a frustrating conclusion for me, since it doesn't provide me with a good way to fix the situation or way to approach the situation in the future. However, obviously, since I didn't recognise them, I don't know who they are, so I can't contact them to apologize, can't think of what I would apologize for if I could, and don't think given the context that if I were to try to contact them to apologize it would end with the situation being made better. This conclusion should give me peace of mind, but it really doesn't. I really want to fix it but know I probably can't.

How do you cope with these sorts of situations?

That lady is rude. She could have been nicer about it in my opinion.

Yep....that lady was probably the "Aspie" in this situation---black and white thinking LOL

It is only rude to ask to pet a dog if the dog is a service dog.

Maybe the woman was having a bad day and just took it out on you. Unfortunately, that happens. She also may have been trying to work on having her dog walk better on a leash.

Sometimes you can tell by body language that people don’t want you to pet their dog: they might be trying to keep their distance from you and avoiding eye contact.

Like others have said, it sounds like she was just not very friendly. Never in my life has someone refused that I pet their dog. It's very rare. Don't worry about it, maybe if it happens again try to explain to the woman that you can't help it and you may have a memory problem. I have a memory problem myself. She probably will still tell you to leave her and her dog alone, but that's the worst that could happen really.