Invited to a water park

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Hi:
I had been associating with another man on the spectrum who I have known for quite a few years now who is desperate for friends and especially a girlfriend. He has had lots of lots of letdowns by people who he thought were interested in him. Of the friends who he associates with, he seems to go behind their backs and complain about and pick them apart behind their backs. Like him, most have Asperger's and he goes behind their back and complains about things like their limited interests and their flaws.

I found out through one of my friends who he also hangs out with and bashes that he is mad at me because all I do is talk about the past. I recently had attempted to call him and left him a message but he didn't return it.

Last night I got a text message from another friend who he invited to whitewater and he told him to invite me as well. My friend said that he didn't seem very excited about speaking to my friend. Rather it was out of frustration.

These all seem like NTs. Walk away. Drop the high pitched drama that you always get drawn into.

Get packed for a day at the water park. Take yourself. You don't need these dirtbags.

That's hardly surprising if your description of his behaviour is anything to go by! You don't owe him anything, neither out of sympathy for his loneliness nor out of "aspie solidarity", and neither do these other people that he is treating in this way. If it is hurting you, the best you can hope for is that he would amend his ways if the consequences of his behaviour are pointed out to him (good luck with that, if you choose to try it!) Failing that, look after yourself, and just maybe, out of the other people who he treats so badly, you might find some more deserving companions.


Or autistic people desperately trying to imitate what they perceive as normal social behaviour in the forlorn hope that it will improve their lives.
Or just autistic people who are also a$$holes (a quick visit to the PPR or L&D sub-forums will offer ample examples of autistic people who weren't born with a halo, harp and wings. )
The majority of autistic people seem like good, caring people to me, but I would be wary of the assumption that all other people with the same diagnosis are equally well intentioned, or else must be NT. "If you’ve met one person with autism … you’ve met one person with autism" - for sure, and I have met several that I hope I will never, ever meet again!

We don't have halos however many bumholes ID as AS to excuse bad behavior.

Perhaps you're right that he is trying to emulate NT thuggish behavior. That brings disastrous results. We simply can't pull it off with finesse.

Practical reason why many autistic people wouldn't attempt to use higher end NT mean tactics....we know the futility of taking a pocket knife to a sword fight.

Have I at one time wanted revenge on certain people? Give them a taste of their own medicine? Yes. I didn't try though and not because I'm noble. I'm not equipped to play on their level.

He was diagnosed with a nonverbal learning disability (Which is supposed to be on the spectrum) and though he lives on his own, his mother still holds his hand because he also has diabetes. She goes over to his house and helps him with his insulin pump. He also holds onto two jobs where he is being kept down doing things like stocking shelves with a job coach when he looks like he is more than capable of a lot more. He also is afraid to take the bus everywhere because he gets lots easily and his mother is afraid he will get lost. So she pretty much still drives him around and acts like he's a teenager though he's in his 30's.

It seems like non-verbal learning disability (NLD) is a subset of Aspies. They are those with problems in the right hemisphere of the brain. These individuals have problems with visual and spacial awareness, higher order comprehension, social communications, math concepts, and executive function. NLD is not one of the official diagnoses mental health professionals use to categorize kids with psychiatric or learning problems rather they fit under other diagnoses—often autism or ADHD. What is non verbal learning disorder

Most Aspies want honesty and directness. So perhaps you might try the direct approach. Inform him about what he is doing to you and how it makes you feel and tell him to stop it.

I have noticed that quite a few people with NLD who seem to think they are higher functioning than people with autism and Asperger's. I have also found that dating and marriage seem to come easier to them. They talk about struggling but I see things come easier for them.

Sometimes people that have wronged me ended up getting a taste of their own medicine without me having to do anything. It is nice when that happens because I am not good at getting even with people.

Forget that guy. He should be grateful for the friends that he has. I think his mom babies him and enables his behavior. That guy is not friend material so move on.

Right. Leave him behind. Go enjoy yourself at the water park.

I second this, great comment. I definitely think men on the Spectrum are highly susceptible to becoming like this (or even incel-like if taken to extreme). You can't just claim that being ND automatically makes you a great person and anything negative has to be NT behavior or people faking disability. I sympathize a tiny bit with guys like that because I feel the same pressures they do, but Trogluddite is absolutely right that you have no obligation whatsoever to help them, and there is no excuse for them taking out their frustrations on other people. You seem to have already been nicer to him than he deserves, but if he is one of those people that shows 0 intentions of actually making an effort to change himself, I would say that you should remove yourself from that toxicity.

P.S. With it being so hot right now, I'd imagine waterparks are crazy crazy packed. I personally, would be way too scared to go there .

I honestly think the general issue is his mother's coddling him that's the real disability because to be quite frank, I think he's quite capable of more. Yes, I will agree that her baby is the reason why he's acting like that. Sure he has diabetes but he needs to learn to do his own insulin pump and using the maps on his smartphone to get around on public transit or learn to drive with a GPS.

When I get the chance, I am going to be contacting him and letting him know that I don't feel like doing the water park with him because I feel that all he does is
A. Badmouth his friends and pick them apart
B. Talk about grusome details of "Game of Thrones" and I am not interested in that

People can and do fake diagnoses. With that said, you don't need to give this guy any explanation.

No, he is on the spectrum but has NLD but his mother and work program are making things worse than they need to be for him.

Whatever he says he is......matters not. You don't have time for him or his nonsense. Bottom line, it doesn't work for you. AS is never an excuse to be an ass.