I Lack A Social life and Wish To Be Heard Without Repeating?

Post Reply New Topic

I know this sounds probably bizarre, but here lately. I'm trying to find a friendly forum to fit into, I'm kinda newish here, but I'm experienced with forums. So, I'm a pre-noob I wanna say.(?) Lol. But that's not why I created this forum. It's about coping mechanisms, but it's about daily struggles in life when it comes to conversations, it makes me feel great because I'm not the only one with the struggles!

To begin on topic, I have a speech impediment, like as in an impediment that needs to be fixed via jaw surgery, so like when I talk to people. I'm constantly repeating myself. -.- And like, I hate repeating myself because when I talk,. Yeah I know I have anxiety, but it's not the anxiety issue, it's like when I speak my voice is soft-spoken and certain letters in a sentence I pronounce is so hard especially with having a lisp. For example. "Thermostat", I pronounce thermostat as "dermostat", sometimes the "S" comes out as a veery annoying whistle, which makes it really hard to speak! I even heard myself on voice recording, my voice is so low and soft, with swooshy lisp sounds. I sound kind of like Debra off of Shameless, the girl with red hair. LOL. But worse, I remind myself of Winneh the Pooh. Whatever that bear's name is spelled as.

Like people would give me strange looks of disgust, it's even hard to smile because of my TMJ and having protruding buck teeth, like an overbite that is about 2 inches pushed forward , thankfully it's not noticeable except for having asymmetrical features of my face. Like it's so embarrassing!

I got comments one day from a student, asking me if I have down syndrome. :/

Like it's so hard to make friends even with communicating. Not just my my appearance affecting my speech issue, but also I have to hide it by smiling with my lips closed, what's even worse is. I still have a lip tie, but I don't have a tongue tie, unfortunately I just found out 6 months agoish--besides speech problems, and some self-esteem issues. It's about speaking, with my vocals, like people can't hear me when I talk. I feel like I'm in a cave echoing my voice, but without air, kind of like being in outer space. If you could imagine that.

So, now I developed a whole different situation. The different situation is, I'm constantly explaining what this and that is, very loudly for people to hear, without repeating myself which seems to work, but also it makes me sound socially inept.

For instance, "Hey do you like listening to the alternative rock genre? The kind of music I listen to is called 10 years. 10 years is a really great band, they have a good religious beliefs and everything!" They look at me funny, but very slightly. "What I mean by that is. I'm suggesting that you should listen to them. Their songs are calming--" I quickly stop and try to forget what I've just said because the conversation becomes one-sided. Ever since I started doing that, without repeating myself, which I can't small-talk in general, but I mostly stick with small-talking, but it's gotten to the point where I can no longer small-talk without repeating myself.

I'm definitely not charismatic, but I totally lack social skills. Even though I've read "How To's" and "Do's and Don'ts" of how to communicate. But I just seem like too much of the awkward type.

Especially, when I try to become socially active, at least outgoing for once instead of using synthetic social interaction online to cure loneliness and social boredom. But I just feel like there's more I'm missing, like something about wanting to make aquaintances and and start new friendships, but I don't want to force it either.

I just feel like I'm not ready by nature especially with not having any luck.

So basically I just observe, I already see how everyone seems to interact, but I don't understand why people use hand gestures while talking, as if I'm deaf or something.

I can totally relate to everyone who has this similar issue, especially since I feel like I'm a sub-human of how this society seems to be treating everyone.

Does anyone have similar issues too? I don't need any advices, but I'd like someone to share their social stories and ideas to adapt without coming across as a weird magnet. Like everywhere I go, everyone just seems to stare me down because my head is always down, I try to keep my head high, but my posture is weak, despite having mild cp. My walking is perfectly normal, you'd be surprised!

I don't have any limps, but I have a very slight scissor gait, sorta waddly cause there's this thing called getting bit by a brown recluse last year that caused my muscle tone to slightly weaken. So I guess with having a slight issue with my face, and speech problems and a noticeable scar on my leg, generally people are just going to stare at me with pity or disgust. -sighs-

It's like a never ending cycle of being trapped.

Lastly, I've been using a virtual website called imvu, and I'm able to meet many people like myself, but unfortunately, I type like a book, I guess cause I'm so use to writing, even in general explaining myself or what I need to say, so people won't think I'm socially inept. And because of that, I sound like a robot reading a dictionary. Even when I type, nonverbally, I have a difficult time keeping my sentences short, especially verbally, well it very much depends if your one of my closest friends or loved ones, despite being introverted, but normally I'd keep a normal small talking conversation, but here lately no matter where I go.

Everyone treats me like I'm unintelligent.

So they dismiss me or simply ignore me, I give up and disappear because it's useless even in real-life with trying to make friends. Like someone one time asked me what an "Artery" is. E.E? And they already know the human anatomy. I'm so tired of being patronized at school by teachers, I'm in special ED for math class, and I'm very good at math, and I'm very independent. I keep telling the teacher that I'm fine with solving this problem, if I need any help I'll ask, but I don't need any help, so like even trying to drop out of special Ed is impossible. So, everyone at school teases me for being in special education. But this year I'm planning to drop out to get my GED, because I'm getting harrassed by everyone over my lack of communication skills and being a very quiet straight A student.

But yeah, that's all the details I've described with my difficulty, sorry for this being a very long aft post. I think I broke the law of communication problems(?) I just want to know if some of my awkward issues is similar to anyone else's. I know I'm not alone, but I really do feel that way because not everyone has the same issue. You could be the first one on the planet with an issue no one has even heard of! Heh.

I have always had speech issues. I used to have a really bad overbite, but I got braces when I was in 9th grade. I don't think getting braces improved my voice much, but it did make my face look better. My sister has speech issues too, but she went to speech from kindergarten to her senior year and her speech didn't improve much at all. I went to speech until third grade. After third grade, my teachers didn't bother with sending me to speech since I had good grades. All schools care about is good grades. I have to repeat myself a lot especially with my dad. People tend to think I'm ret*d when they first meet me. They are shocked when they find out that I graduated high school with honors and have a bachelor's degree. I don't have any friends in my area because nobody wants to be friends with the weird girl.

I was able to fix my speech issues in my late 30s and 40s.

I graduated with Honors from a very good University. So, like you, "intelligence" wasn't an issue.

The real issue was actual practice in social situations. It was very awkward at first and some people made fun of me but I just ignored them. Now I handle myself quite well in social situations. But it took a lot of practice.

Turns out that I can learn all sorts of stuff and do everything at a pretty high standard, but I am slow at picking some things up, especially at the beginning.

Therapists can be quite helpful, but many people don't get the full benefit because they don't put in the practice between office visits. I find it best to practice several times a day in short sessions.