Asking Uncomfortable Questions

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Do you think she's inspiring?

Isn't my daughter the most beautiful you have ever seen?

Isn't my son the smartest ever?

NTs bandy these questions around quite a bit.......of course you're supposed to just say yes.....even if you also have a son or daughter. I always answer though like this.

"Nope"......fun to stop people in their tracks.

As for the inspirational thing.....easy to say, "he or she had some helpful information that I am happy to have." Works well.

That’s really rude.

When people say these things about their children, they don’t really mean them. They don’t actually think their kid is the smartest or most beautiful kid. They’re just proud of them at the moment. They would expect you to say comparable things about your own children, and they would respond politely.

It's not rude.....it's a much needed reality check for people that are stupid enough to vocalize in public that not only do they think such and such about their kids but want you to agree with them. Nowhere in the discourse was there a desired response of saying, "No, my kid is the best fill in the blank." People do this because of poor breeding.

Disclaimer - this isn't done by all or even most NTs. Just the ones that haven't left behind high school behavior.

Why is it a much needed reality check? What harm is being proud of one’s kids posing to society?

“Poor breeding?” LOL Right....

To me, it's just fishing for compliments. A lot of people have kids for no other reason than they think they're supposed to or because they have to keep up with the crowd, and their kids are an extension of themselves. So when the kid accomplishes something, the parents expect some kind of congratulations as if they did it themselves. I just nod and smile and say "yep, he sure is great," and then roll my eyes while they're not looking.

Twilight Princess, it's obvious we don't see eye to eye on this. I'm cool with that. That's the beautiful thing about the internet. Lots of opinions. So if you want to brag about your kids....I can't stand in your way.

I think it is rude to brag about your kids to people whose kids are struggling. It feels like you are rubbing it that your kids are better than the person's kids that are struggling and that you think the other person's struggling kids are losers.

Asking someone if they think your kid is the smartest, prettiest in the world is kind of a silly question anyway....childfree people and people with children roll their eyes at such a social gaffe. Most people wouldn't dream of asking a question like that.

Fishing for compliments is probably the reason behind it. These are things I was taught not to do early on in my grade school social help sessions.

It's like how I think my girlfriend is the prettiest woman in the world except I'm aware that she's not conventionally attractive & that probably noone except her family would think that about her. It's just she's the prettiest woman in the world to me. I think people do that for complements cuz I have a slight urge to do that for that reason. I'm aware that others won't feel that way about her so I don't bother asking them if they think that. I don't want to put others on the spot or anything.

Nick, your gf is probably beautiful............ Inside and out. Terrific personality too as you shared with us supportive she is.

She has her issues & thinks she's ugly & not a good person but I really don't see it. It's like how I feel bad about myself sometimes in a few ways but she doesn't see it. We do our best to try & reassure each other most of the time.

Nick, you're both very realistic people....and have the desire to make a relationship work......hard to do sometimes

I've never bragged about my kids but rather have stated facts of which I'm proud of them such as:

"He's a voracious reader."

Or sharing something that both amused me and made me proud, his extensive vocabulary at 11. Such as when we were recently discussing Thomas the Tank Engine and I said excitedly that I liked Thomas and he replied: "I do not share your enthusiasm for that character."

Magna, all kids have their strengths and weaknesses. Always good to be supportive of them and encourage as needed. It's only a problem when parents one up each other with their kids accomplishments.

Keep your child on that path. I'm an avid reader myself.

That's where sarcasm comes in.

"Oh yeah, your child's finger painting is brilliant. He's the next Gustav Klimt."